10 Steps to Bulimia Recovery
Content
10 Steps To
BULIMIA RECOVERY
By Shaye Boddington
Bulimia Survivor
Please print this e-book out before you read it, because you’re going to want to take notes, highlight different points and do the worksheets
- Shaye Boddington, your-bulimia-recovery.com
& Creator of your-bulimia-recovery.com
“It’s not where you stand but the direction in which you face... If you’re not in a place you like right now... Then, just think of where you would like to be and start taking baby steps that move in that direction”
Contents
My Bulimia Story Step 1: Share Your Story Share Your Story: Worksheet Step 2: Make Happiness a Habit Happiness: Worksheet Step 3: Bulimia Heart Attack Prevention Heart Attack Prevention: Worksheet Step 4: Release Your Positive Energy Release Your Positive Energy: Worksheet Step 5: Make Recovery Goals Your Brain Understands! Positive Goals: Worksheet Step 6: Stop, Think, Eat, Think. Stop, Think, Eat, Think: Worksheet Step 7: Intuitive Eating: End The Mindless Munching! Step 8: Surviving The Bulimia Bloating Step 9: Positive Affirmations Positive Affirmations: Worksheet Step 10: Structured Eating Structured Eating: Worksheet Additional Help.... Counselling or Therapy A Message From Shaye SAVE A FRIENDS LIFE 3 12 13 14 15 16 18 19 21 22 24 25 26 27 29 32 37 38 41 42 43 44
Worksheets are marked in blue above
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“It makes me sad to think of the self-abuse I used to inflict... I was an empathetic person, but never showed any respect or sympathy to myself.”
My Bulimia Story
When I was a kid... I was a little different. I would try to shock people by doing all sorts of weird tricks and stunts. I was a bit of an attention-seeker I guess. Most of my tricks and stunts were harmless. Yes, they made people look at me sideways, but they weren’t overly shocking - despite my efforts! Until one day, when I was about 7 or 8... My aunt phoned my mom... “Do you know” she said
Me, my older sister Lara and my mom holding little Ash :)
“That Shaye threw up her lunch today in front of everyone. She did it on purpose”. Although bulimia in children is uncommon, my aunt was concerned that I was bulimic. I can’t blame her... It’s a bit of a strange thing for a kid to do for ‘fun’! Mom talked to me about it and I insisted that it was just a party trick. Because I was always doing strange things, mom believed me. She had no reason not to, because as far as I can remember it was just a party trick. I didn’t do it to lose weight. I was a skinny little thing anyway. However, I do remember on a separate occasion... It was Christmas dinner and there was a DELICIOUS dessert that my Granny had made. Now I mean, top quality... Chocolate Pudding with multi-colored ice-cream. But, after already having eaten dinner and drinking large amounts of fizzy drink... I was on the verge of popping. I couldn’t eat another thing...
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...I was so upset - because living in Zimbabwe, we didn’t get desserts like this that often! I decided that I would sneak into the garden and throw up my food to make more space in my tummy. So I did that... and I didn’t really see a problem with it. For some reason, throwing up happened quite easily for me. I went back inside and ate as much pudding as I could get my hands on. I thought this was a win-win situation. In time, I clicked onto the fact that this could be a handy way of keeping myself thin...
At the age of 8 (Left) bulimia entered my life...
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Bulimia in My Early Teens
At the age of 11, I started the sport of springboard diving. I loved it, I lived for it! Within months of starting I was in the Zimbabwe team and got to travel all over the world to compete. I had a natural talent for it, and a strong physique... But, as I entered my early teens I noticed changes with my body. I was embarrassed to go to training and get in my swim suit.
The Zim diving team on tour - I’m 3rd from the left.
These horrific things called boob’s started growing on my chest... And God forbid... I started getting hips! I was so ashamed of my new shape that I embarked on a diet to lose the weight I had gained during puberty. My aim was to lose my boobs, hips and bum! I was by no means big at all. I was 5’4” and weighed about 45 kg’s. Within months of dieting I had lost a lot of weight and started looking very thin. Too thin (apparently). My mom began watching me at meal times... So I would eat. But often, I would sneak off and throw up too. Bulimia and anorexia came and went between the ages of 11-15. It couldn’t have been too bad though because I have a lot of happy memories from this time in my life. At the age of 15, my country - Zimbabwe went down the gurgler. It became a dangerous place to live. The president also declared that he would not go out of power until every white person had left the country. My family, although 3rd generation Zimbabweans - had to leave. We were to travel to the other side of the world - New Zealand - where we would try to start a new life.
The Trauma of Immigration
Just a girl, a solitary tear, Waiting for that moment, waiting not to fear. Free me from this world, free me from this pain, This utter torment, this world has gone insane. I see no colors, I see no hues, I see no red, I see no blue. I just see a road, that goes on forever, And I’m crawling with this load, we are bound together...
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I was in a new country. I knew nobody. I was alone and scared. The majority of people I had known and loved, I would never see again. It was hell. Immigration had a lot to do with my downward spiral into the darkness of bulimia... I was a vulnerable teenager - who already had eating disorder tendencies - and suddenly I was thrown into a strange world. It took 5 years before I came to terms with being forced to leave Zimbabwe. It messed me up big time! Back then I didn’t see the link between the trauma of immigration and my bulimia. To me, I was just weak. I had no self-control and I was just a ‘pathetic bulimic’. It makes me sad to think of the self-abuse I used to inflict... I was an empathetic person, but never showed any respect or sympathy to myself.
Bulimia and my Sporting Career
After immigrating to New Zealand I found the top springboard diving coach in the country. I was well on my way to making the Olympic team - and he would help me get there. He was Chinese... and although a nice man, as a coach - he was as tough as nails! He was used to Chinese athletes and Chinese physiques. Us Westerners looked fat to him. Even though I was 5’6” and only 56 kg’s - At my first training session with him he told me that I needed to lose 10 kg’s. I still remember his words in broken English: “Augh! 56kg! Very fat. You need lose 10kg!” Well... You can imagine what this did to a 15 year old, who had just left her home and moved to a new country... and who already had anorexia and bulimia problems... I lost those 10 kg’s... But by the time I was finished - there was nothing left of me and I had nothing left to give... My world was ruled by restricting calories, and throwing up any food I did consume.
Despite losing so much weight - I lived in hope of just ‘Losing a little more’
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I remember one night after eating an apple - I was frantic. I had to get it out of me. I spent an hour after everyone had gone to bed - desperately trying to throw it up. Of course, most of it had been digested and the majority of what I threw up was bile. By the time I finished my mouth was bleeding and I sobbed myself helplessly to sleep. All that over an apple.... Events like this happened pretty much on a daily basis. Needless to say when I was 17 - just 3 months before the Olympic Games (I was in the NZ squad) I packed diving in. I had nothing left to give...
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Food, Food and More Food!
By the time I was 17 - I no longer restricted what I would eat. My bulimia took an evil turn. I became a compulsive eater... I ate to feel better. I ate to numb my mind. I ate just so that I was doing something. Nobody ever really suspected that I was bulimic. I was so damn good at hiding it - and would go to any lengths to do so... I remember sitting on the train on the way back from university. I had already devoured a large chocolate milk and 2 chocolate bars before hand. Terrified that I would digest the calories from it, I threw up into the empty chocolate milk bottle... On the train, in front of everyone. But - nobody even noticed... After so many years throwing up - it happened naturally. I could even do it in public without drawing attention to myself. I would have to say that it was the compulsive eating years of my bulimia that were by far the worst. The feeling of having no control is horrendous.
Being Bulimic at University.
By the time I was at university, my bulimia had completely spiraled out of control. I was throwing up multiple times an hour... I couldn’t stop eating, but I couldn’t hold anything in. If I were getting a degree in ‘what the inside of the uni toilets looked like’ - I would have graduated with distinction! But still... nobody knew I was bulimic. I’m sure my mom and dad suspected it. But they didn’t know for sure. One thing is certain - they didn’t know how bad I was. When I wasn’t at uni, I had to work continually to make money. Bulimia is an expensive illness and I was spending upwards of $40 a day on binge food alone. Uni, eat, puke, eat, work, eat, puke, work, puke, puke, puke, puke, bed. You can only imagine what that does to the body and mind! Some of my most shameful bulimia memories are from around this time... I remember stealing food from a friends house, just to get me through the day. It makes me cringe even writing that down for people to read! I have forgiven myself now - but I’m still shocked to see how deeply addicted to bulimia I had become. Page 8
Leading Up To My Bulimia Recovery...
My illness had become so severe that I was experiencing the terrible physical effects of bulimia. I started to have irregular heart beats. My teeth were rotting away (I had to spend $6000 to get them fixed so that people wouldn’t notice!) and my entire body continually ached. Sometimes I would get such sudden and severe pains in my heart that I would keel over. Deep down, I knew that if I continued like this, I would die - soon. I thought of my mom, having to bash down the bathroom door - to find me lying dead in a pile of my own puke... This thought drove me to send an email that ultimately changed my life... I wrote to the university counselor, asking her if she could ‘treat’ me online. I was too ashamed to go in and see her. She agreed. Within 1 week she had worked her persuasive magic and I was sitting in her office. I was so damn nervous that I felt like I was going to puke (but then what was new I guess!) But, I had to take control of my life. I had to recover from bulimia...
Me, age 17. You can see the effects of bulimia all over my face... Chipmunk cheeks, rotten teeth, sores and sad sunken eyes.
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5 Years Free From Bulimia!
I would never have believed it then. Shaye, the bulimic... could recover from this consuming illness... That I could get through a day, a month, a year... 3 years, 4 years, 5 years... Without sacrificing a single day to bulimia. But I did it. Yes, it was hard. But, you know what... It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Sometimes it would be easy to forget that I was ever bulimic at all... Except for one thing... That’s the lasting gratitude I have to be living such a beautiful life... Such a healthy life... Such a simple life. If I had never suffered from bulimia - I wouldn’t know this gratitude. From my experience of bulimia and recovery, I hope to help you. I want you to know that you’re not alone - and you’re not a freak. I want you to know that I recovered from bulimia and you can too! In this book I’ll teach you the 10 steps that I took in my recovery. I truly believe that if you put them all into practice, you will see the beautiful world that exists beyond bulimia. It won’t happen over night... It could even take an entire year - like it did for me... But, if you turn to face the direction of health and happiness and take persistent baby steps - you will get there.
Christmas 2009 with my 2 beautiful sisters. It’s amazing to be able to let my hair down and enjoy life to the full! (I’m on the left)
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10 Steps To
BULIMIA RECOVERY
P.S. If you havn’t printed this out yet please do it now... You will be more likely to take notes, do the worksheets and take action!
“I realized that people didn’t hate me. To them, I wasn’t Shaye the bulimic... I was still just Shaye.”
Step 1: Share Your Story
I was always the kid that could handle the heat... The kid that could take whatever came my way. I was the tough kid - or so everybody thought... In reality I had a soft soul. I felt things. I was easily wounded. BUT... I never let anyone know it. This tough exterior continued into my years of bulimia. I pretended everything was fine and dandy... But on the inside I was screaming... My life was falling apart. Bulimia is such a massive burden for you to carry on your own. It helps to share it with somebody. Talk about your illness... Your feelings... Your fears. Find somebody you trust and open up to them completely. I remember the day I first talked about my bulimia. It felt as though I could finally breathe again... I felt hopeful for the first time in over a decade. The shame and anxiety I had felt for so long started to slowly melt away. I realized that people didn’t hate me. To them... I wasn’t Shaye the bulimic... I was still just Shaye. I remember sitting in the car having ‘the chat’ with my boyfriend Tom. He actually asked me if I was bulimic (he had started to suspect something). It was hard to admit to him that I wasn’t the perfect bubbly individual I pretended to be... But I told him everything. My heart was pounding in my chest the whole time... But I felt closer to him than ever. I know how terrifying it is to open up about bulimia... BUT, it’s essential in your bulimia recovery to share your story. It helps you admit, to yourself and others, that you need help. It helps to release some of the shame that you feel. If you feel too ashamed to share your story with somebody you know... Telling it anonymously online is a great place to start! Please consider sharing your story on my website - where over 50 others just like you - have shared their story... http://www.your-bulimia-recovery.com/bulimia-stories.html Page 12
Share Your Story: Worksheet
Try to dig deep and answer the questions below from your heart. If you need more space to write, feel free to grab a notebook and write the answers in there. The more you let out the better! Once you’ve finished answering the questions, share them with other bulimia sufferes online. This simple act will help you realise you’re not alone. As a result, you’ll feel less ashamed. Post your story at www.your-bulimia-recovery.com/bulimia-stories.html What’s your earliest bulimia memory? Eg: Mine is vomiting behind the lucky bean tree at age 8
Why do you beleive that you became bulimic? Ie: Abuse, to fit in, to cope, etc
How does bulimia negatively effect your life?
Why do you want to recover from bulimia?
What are you goals and dreams for the future? Be bold...There are no limits here!
“Have fun with your life. The last thing you want is to get to 90 years old and say... Gawd.. That was boring.”
Step 2: Make Happiness a Habit
Life is too short to take seriously... But, that’s what bulimics do. We take everything so seriously and it takes the fun out of life! Relax... Turn on your favorite song. Dance. Sit in the sun. Call up a friend. Go for a walk. Go to the beach. Join a club. Play some sport. Buy a puppy. You get the idea! Just enjoy yourself a bit more. Find a long list of things you love doing... and then... DO THEM! Whenever you feel angry, sad, depressed... Pull out your list and MAKE YOURSELF do one of the things on it! Now, that doesn’t mean you need to buy a new puppy every week... It can be something simple... Even great music can snap you out of your mood and help you fight the urge to binge. Have fun with your life. The last thing you want is to get to 90 years old and say... Gawd.. That was boring. Learning how to love your life is a key part in learning how to beat bulimia. A happy person isn’t likely to be a bulimic person... So start practicing happiness today!
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Happiness: Worksheet
Bulimia has the ability to suck in all yoru focus and energy. This mean that in time you forget the things in life that you truly enjoy doing. This exercise aims at helping you remember them - and put them into action! On this page, write down all the things that you enjoy doing. Try to think back to even before bulimia entered you life... How did you spend your time? What excited you? What interested you? What were your dreams? Even write down things that may seem small and trivial... They could be enough to turn a grey day into a sunny day :) For example, on my happiness list I had: Listening to 90’s music, playing with my puppy, walking in the forest, going to the beach, doing crafts and making arty things, painting, stretching and travel... just to name a few. This list will grow in time as you break free from bulimia and begint o explore your vibrant new life. Once you have created your list, pin it up on your dressing table and make sure you do at least 1 thing on that list every day. This is an important step - try not to overlook it!
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
My Hapiness List
“Thank God I realized the importance of replenishing my electrolytes before it was too late...”
Step 3: Bulimia Heart Attack Prevention
As I flicked through the pages, my knees began to feel weak. The consequences of bulimia can be deadly serious... I began to realize how truly lucky I was not to die from my illness. I don’t know how bulimia didn’t take me down. How it didn’t kill me... Sarah, the girl I was reading about, was just 19. She’d been bulimic for 6 years. That’s 4 years less than me. Bulimia ruled her life - as it did mine. She threw up multiple times a day - as did I... She had a heart attack at 19 and died from bulimia... An electrolyte imbalance resulting from Sarah’s repeated purging sent her heart into cardiac arrhythmia overnight. The next morning, Barbara Siskin found her daughter on the floor of her bedroom with no pulse, warm to the touch. Barbara called 911 and performed CPR until the ambulance arrived. The emergency room doctors at Montgomery General Hospital, where Sarah had worked in high school, tried for 45 minutes to save her. Then they told her parents: We’re so sorry. Sarah died from bulimia... But, I didn’t... From the surface I looked worse off than her... How far away was my death? One year? One week? Perhaps just one day? Thank God I never found out. Thank God I realized the importance of replenishing my electrolytes before it was too late... Here’s how I did it.... Page 16
This smoothie is not only delicious - but it could save your life too! It’s full of electrolytes which are essential for a healthy heart...
The Life Saving, Electrolyte Replenishing Smoothie...
Ingredients:
- 1-2 bananas - 2-3 dates (dried or medjool) - 2 tsp cocoa powder - 1 cup crushed ice - 1/2 cup of calcium enriched milk (or rice milk/coconut milk if dairy gives you bloating)
Directions:
Blend all of the ingredients in a blender until smoothie. It may help to heat the dates in some hot water for 1 minute prior to blending (to soften them) Pour the smoothie into a nice glass... We all know things taste even better when they look nice! Drink it slowly and savor each sip. If you find it hard to keep anything down - then drink it before bed so that you can digest it while you sleep. If you think you can manage, drink it for breakfast - it’s a healthy start to the day. Don’t focus on any negatives whilst drinking and digesting this smoothie... Focus on what it’s doing for your health and how it will help your body gain strength to beat bulimia! Try not to throw up for at least a few hours after drinking this smoothie. This will allow your body to absorb the electrolytes from it. NOTE: Try to have one of these smoothies every day. You can experiment with the recipe as long as it includes the dates and bananas :)
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Heart Attack Prevention: Worksheet
The aim here is to try and drink the banana smoothie above each morning for 1 week. Before you drink your smoothie, sit quietly for one minute and repeat in your mind: “I will allow this smoothie to nourish my body” Then, drink it slowly, breathing inbetween sips. When you are 1/2 way through your smoothie, stop for a few minutes, focus on feeling the smoothie go into your tummy. Close your eyes and imagine the nutrients being send out throughout your body to heal, nurture and protect. Repeat again “I will allow this food to nourish my body” and continue drinking your smoothie slowly. Write down your feelings and the number of hours before your first binge/purge following drinking the smoothie. This will help you keep track of your progress.
MONDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: TUESDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: WEDNESDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: THURSDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: FRIDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: SATURDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: SUNDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge:
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“Binging and purging isn’t the disorder only the by-product of an underlying cause.”
Step 4: Release Your Positive Energy
Positive Energy might sound a bit hippy-ish... But there is much more to it than singing happy songs and dancing around in a sun kissed field... (Although that does sound quite fun!)
What’s Involved in Positive Energy Treatment For Bulimia?
Positive energy treatment is based on the belief that your bulimia is a disorder of feelings, thoughts, identity, values, relationships, coping and control. Binging and purging isn’t the disorder - only the by-product of an underlying cause. This means that recovering from bulimia requires you to change your subconscious mind. You need to change negative feelings and thoughts into positive ones. You need to change a negative identity into a positive one. Now, you might be thinking, yea of course, I know all that stuff already! And, I’m guessing that just knowing it wasn’t enough - because you’re still suffering from bulimia... This proves that it’s no good knowing what you need to change without actually knowing how to change it... You need to learn how to successfully re-program your subconscious mind into being positive, happy and bulimia free... Now, I did this 5 years ago to help beat my bulimia - and I know that you can do it too. Here are 3 ways that you can gradually begin to re-program your mind to that of a healthy and happy person:
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1) Make Happiness a Habit...
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of doing the same old thing every day. In our fast paced lives - we tend to push happiness aside for other things that seem more important... But, the truth is, not many things are more important than happiness and well being... Try to add one positive, happy thing into every single day... Be it 5 minutes of ‘time-out’ to listen to your favorite music... Going to the beach, walking in the forest... Whatever you love doing... This is a simple little step that will help you become more positive about life.
2) Make A Dream Board
Having a dream board reminds you of what you want out of your life. It will help you reach your goals and dreams faster. But, the most important thing about a dream board for bulimia sufferers is that it helps you focus on life beyond bulimia. It helps remind your brain on a sub conscious level what it is striving for. Make sure that you create your dream board on a light and airy colored board. Fill it with positive and happy pictures of what you want out of life. Keep anything that could be triggering off it - such as pictures of slim models and so on. Put your dream board in a place that you see often - every day. Above your dressing table perhaps? You could even scan it and make it your computer background... The more you can get these images into your sub conscious - the better!
3) Gratitude Lists
You have so much to be grateful for... Life is full of wonderful people, places and experiences. Despite your bulimia - life is magnificent... Before you go to bed each night, write down ten things you are grateful for that day and why. Allow yourself to think deeply about each one and let a joyful smile beam across your face. This positive thinking will help change your brain on that all important sub conscious level. It will help your to become a happier person... And, in time, a person who feels capable of beating bulimia. Gratitude can help to turn your life around... What are you grateful for right now? Allow yourself to feel it and feel happy about it...
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Release Your Positive Energy: Worksheet
You can obtain radiant health and happiness by the images you paint in the studio of your mind. That is why it is so important to practice being positive and being grateful. This workseet helps you to focus on and emphasise all the good in your life. When you’re feeling good, positive and grateful, you’ll attract even more positivity and happiness to your life. Do this worksheet each morning as soon as you wake up. It’ll set a fresh and happy feeling right at the start of your day. Make sure that you do the action step each day too... This is important as it will make you take action and get results. Write a list of people in your life who you are grateful for...
Choose one of these people to focus on further. Write down what it is that you are grateful for about this person.
Read over what you have just written. Close your eyes and allow yourself to truly feel all the positive energy you have for this person. Focus on how much you appreciate having them in your life. Once you’re feeling good, settle for a few minutes and just let the feeling love and gratitude roll over you, again and again. ACTION STEP: Think about what you could do for this person today that lets them know you appreciate them. It can be something small - like a letter, a phone call or a giant hug. It’s up to you. Write it down below and commit to doing it. TIP: You don’t need to focus on a person every single day... You could also focus on your gratitude for opportinties, material possessions, experiences and so on. Be creative with this! Page 21
“Try to restructure the way you think and write your goals. Focus on the positive outcome of what you want”
Step 5: Make Recovery Goals Your Brain Understands!
I call this tip ‘goal setting with a positive twist’. It’s a very simple technique - but it can have dramatically positive effects on your mind if you persistently put it to practice. Lets say you’ve created a goal for the week: ‘My goal is to not to binge and throw up’ Hmm okay. You have great intentions... But, sorry to tell you this... Your brain can’t understand what you’re telling it... Why? Because you’re using the word not. In goal setting, never use these words... * Not * Don’t * Won’t * Can’t * Mustn’t * Never These are all negatives and your brain doesn’t notice these words... It filters them out. Your goal to not binge and throw up is understood by your brain as binge and throw up! The image in your brain when you make that goal is not of a healthy and happy person - it’s of somebody bingeing and purging. Try to restructure the way you think and write your goals. Focus on the positive outcome of what you want. For example instead of saying your goal is to ‘not binge and throw up’... try saying: ‘My goal is to enjoy 3 healthy meals today and let them nourish my body’ Can you see what a healthier and happier feeling this goal has? Although they both mean the same thing... Our brains read them completely differently!
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Stick Your Goal on Your Cupboard...
Grab a selection of happy colored pens, write your positive goal down and stick it in your cupboard. Beneath it, list all the wonderful things that will happen when you stick to your goal. Remember to keep negatives out of it! Your goals and everything about them should always be focused on positives :)
Make Your Goals Measurable...
Goals that contain a measurable quantity feel much more achievable. That’s because your brain can see it and visualize it. For example: Your goal is to eat 3 healthy meals a day with 3 small snacks in between... Your brain can understand this goal right away... You’re on the same page and can put the goal into action.
Make Your Goals Realistic
I think this point is really important... I can remember making the goal every single Sunday night “As of tomorrow, I will never throw up again” ... Monday morning would come and by 10am I would have binged and purged. The problem... My goals were so extreme. After suffering from bulimia for over 10 years - ending it over night was completely unrealistic. Not only was I focussing on the negative (throwing up) but I was also making my goals so unattainable that I felt defeated right from the word go. Having high goals that stretch you is important, but it’s important to create goals that are realistic for your situation. Creating unrealistic goals is very demotivating and will make you feel powerless. Start your bulimia recovery with small achievable goals such as “I will drink an electrolyte-replenishing smoothie for breakfast - and allow it to nourish my body” Do this until you’re comfortable that you can achieve it on a daily basis... Then, add another goal into your routine. Achieving small positive goals, one by one, is a slow, but sure way of reaching recovery.
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Positive Goals: Worksheet
Positive structuring of our thoughts, words and goals can take little getting used to... But once it becomes second nature, you’ll see what an amazing impact it has on your life. To help get you used tot his new way of thinking, I’ve set a challenge for you... Whenever you notice a negative thought (using the words not, don’t, won’t, can’t, mustn’t or never) entering your mind, SLAM IT! Yell STOP (in your mind if there are people around!) and start re-wording the thought to a positive. Then, write down below what the new, positive thought process was... Do this as many times per day as possible.
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“Recovering from bulimia cold turkey is tough... So, I’m not going to suggest you do that!”
Step 6: Stop, Think, Eat, Think.
You’ve probably tried to stop binging cold turkey before... And, I’m guessing it didn’t work (It definitely didn’t work for me!) But, that’s okay... Recovering from bulimia cold turkey is tough... So, I’m not going to suggest you do that! But I do suggest this... Whenever you feel like you need to binge, or find yourself starting to binge... STOP. THINK. EAT. THINK. STOP what you’re doing... walk away from the food to somewhere you can clear your head. THINK about what is triggering the binge... Are you bored, lonely, sad or anxious? Try to dig deep and figure out what is making you want to binge. It might be something simple like boredom... Or something more complicated like loneliness after a breakup. It may just be an overall feeling - like anxiety, or fear... Write down what you discover in a notebook that you keep close to you. EAT, if you still feel you need to binge... The focus of this exercise is to analyze your feelings. Not to avoid the binge. By stopping and thinking first, you have taken a big step towards discovering the deep-rooted cause of your bulimia. THINK about strategies... After your binge/purge session, take out your booklet and look at what you wrote down about your feelings before the binge. Think about strategies you could use next time you feel that way... For example: if you noticed that you binged because you were bored... Why not ring up a friend and go for a walk? Or, if you noticed it was because you were lonely... Give your best mate a buzz and ask if she want’s to hang out... See how analyzing your feeling before a binge can help to prevent future binges? This technique takes practice. Just keep working at it. You’ll get there! Page 25
Stop, Think, Eat, Think: Worksheet
This worksheet is a sample of what you should try do in your food diary/notebook. Fill it out next time you have a binge urge. STOP: When you feel the urge to binge, allow yourself 5 minutes to fill out this worksheet THINK: Think about what is triggering the binge... Are you bored, lonely, sad or anxious? Or, is it just a sudden craving that comes over you? Try to dig deep and figure out what is making you want to binge. Write what you discover below:
EAT: If you still feel the need to eat. THINK: Look at your answers to what triggered the binge urge? Think about strategies you could use next time you feel that way... Write them out below. STRATEGY TO OVERCOME BINGE URGES ASSOCIATED TO THESE FEELINGS OR SITUATIONS IT IN THE FUTURE:
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“From the moment you were born your intuitive eating was trained out of you... By scheduled meal times, force feeding, dieting and so on.”
Step 7: Intuitive Eating: End The Mindless Munching!
Try to remember your last binge. Did you focus on each and every bite of food you ate? Did you chew out all the flavor and think about how it would nourish your body? ...No? I didn’t think so... You see, when I was bulimic, my binges were like this: I told myself I’d just have one piece of bread, then walk away... But deep down I knew this was a lie. In a matter of seconds, the first piece was gone... By which stage the toaster was filled with another 4. From then on everything went hazy and I just ate my way through whatever I could find... Until I felt like popping. Then I went to the bathroom to throw it all up, promising that tomorrow would be different. That sounds familiar doesn’t it? To help with your bulimia recovery, it’s essential that you learn how to end the mindless-munching. This doesn’t mean you can’t eat yummy foods... It just means you need to be aware. You will learn to listen to your body telling you when to eat and when to stop. This is called intuitive eating and it’s an important step in learning to how beat the addictive habit of binge eating...
Intuitive Eating: The Key to Your Bulimia Recovery
Everybody knows how to eat intuitively when they’re born... Take a little baby for example. They’ll scream and throw tantrums when they’re hungry... and refuse their bottle when they’re full. This is intuitive eating. They know what their bodies want... and they know when they’ve had enough. Intuitive eating should be simple... BUT, it doesn’t happen naturally for most adults (and even children) in modern day society... Page 27
When you were young you were probably bombarded with messages and threats: ‘Finish all your dinner, or else you’re not leaving the table’ Or, ‘Nonsense, you’re not hungry, you only ate lunch an hour ago’ From the moment you were born your intuitive eating was trained out of you... By scheduled meal times, force feeding, deprivation and so on. Then when you were a bit older, along came dieting... This goes against everything intuitive eating is about... Yet another kick in the face to natures method of keeping us slim, satisfied and healthy. We have become so disconnected from nature that we’ve forgotten how to eat... But, there is good news... Intuitive eating is something that can be re-learnt. Here’s how...
4 Steps On How to Eat Intuitively and Enjoy Food in a Healthy Way
1. Enjoy your hunger. Notice what true hunger feels like in your tummy... Embrace it and then satisfy it by eating just enough to make it go away. 2. Stop counting. Counting calories does not help with bulimia at all. When I started counting calories, my binging went from bad to worse. Stop watching the numbers today and instead practice eating intuitively to find out what your body needs. 3. Make an occasion out of your meals. Make an occasion out of all of your meals. Use nice cutlery and nice plates... Sit down without the TV on and eat you meal slowly... Tasting, chewing and thinking about every bite. 4. Wait. If you find yourself about to binge, Wait... Observe your cravings and what might be causing them... Try to understand them and what emotions accompany them. Try to dig deep and figure out what’s really making you want to eat.
Become A Master Of Intuitive Eating
The audio book “Intuitive Eating: A Practical Guide to Make Peace with Food, Free Yourself from Chronic Dieting, Reach Your Natural Weight” by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole is getting rave reviews... I think it’s definitely worth the investment.
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“Bulimia bloating sucks big time! Unfortunately, it’s an unavoidable part of recovering from bulimia. The good news is that it doesn’t last forever.”
Step 8: Surviving The Bulimia Bloating
The worst side-effect of recovering from bulimia is the “bulimia bloat”. Haven’t heard of it? Allow me to introduce you. It’s when your... * Tummy sticks out so far you feel pregnant * Jeans won’t quite zip to the top. * Stomach feels full of stones from the constipation Bulimia bloating sucks big time! Unfortunately, it’s an unavoidable part of recovering from bulimia. The good news is that it doesn’t last forever. When I first stopped throwing up... My bulimia bloat hit with a vengeance. My tummy went from flat to 9-month-bun-in-the-oven in just a few days... The worst of it lasted for just over a month!
My Top 6 Tips To Kick The Bulimia Bloat
There were times during my recovery that I felt fat, bloated and ready to give up... These 6 tips helped me fight the urge to throw in the towel. They’re simple tips that ease the discomfort of bloating. Some of them will also help kick your sluggish bulimia metabolism back into action.
1) Buy some baggy clothes... Don’t worry they’ll just be temporary! Buying bigger clothes doesn’t mean you’re going to get fat... What it does mean is that your tummy will feel fat for a while. It’ll be bloated... and you’ll probably feel embarrassed about it.
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A simple way to overcome this is to wear clothes that allow your tummy to poke out without being noticed... Think baby doll dresses and trendy sweatshirts... My checkered baby blue dress was a lifesaver when I was recovering from bulimia! In fact, 5 years on, I still have this dress - now I wear it when I have my unavoidable ‘time-of-themonth’ bloating! 2) Probiotics Vomiting kills the healthy bacteria in your tummy - which is essential for digestion. When this bacteria is scarce, food sits in your tummy and ferments... It causes bloating, tummy pain and wind. To restore your helpful community of bacteria, you can drink delicious coconut kefir or take probiotic pills. (The first option is much more fun!) Once off won’t quite do it - you’ll need to keep it up - daily for about a month. 3) Catch Up On Your ZzZzZzzz I remember feeling so revolting after eating that I couldn’t stay awake. I used to sleep off the worst of the bulimia bloat. Sleeping straight after eating isn’t ideal, but during the first phase of recovering from bulimia, you can cut yourself some slack! Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better and resist throwing up. When you wake up, your food would have gone down - and things won’t seem quite as serious. Plus, your body needs the extra rest to recover... Bulimia has sent it to hell and back and the extra sleep will be much appreciated! 4) Senna Tea - for times you just can’t handle The Bloat Senna is a natural laxative. I used it when I felt like my belly was going to pop from constipation. I’m a little hesitant to recommend senna tea to people recovering from bulimia... In case they overuse it and become addicted... Please be very cautious of this! Use senna tea as a last resort... When you feel so bloated and constipated that you want to give up... Don’t drink it more than a couple of times a week and for no longer than a month. If you overuse it you run the risk of making your metabolism even worse by damaging the nerves in your colon.
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5) Drink 3+ cups of herbal tea before eating Breakfast This is a bit of a weird one... But it kicked my lazy metabolism back into action each morning. It makes you need to go! Allow about 30 minutes between drinking your herbal tea (peppermint or green tea is perfect) and eating breakfast. This will make sure that the liquid has had time to go down and clear the pathway! 6) Exercise! It’s no secret that exercise speeds up your metabolism... So, it makes sense that it’s effective in helping with the bulimia bloat. What is a secret though, is how much wind you’ll pass when you exercise... BUT, that’s not a bad thing (er, except for maybe the guy on the treadmill next to you) ‘Releasing wind’ helps ease the pressure in your tummy. I found that high intensity resistance training (exercises with heavy weights) made my metabolism speed up dramatically. It builds muscle - and muscle burns calories to survive. Basically high resistance training makes you a more effective fat burning machine. Think squats with a barbell, Good mornings and so on... Pretty much what you see the blokes at the gym doing! You don’t need to worry about getting overly muscly from it - us females aren’t equipped with the testosterone needed to get that super-strong-Aronld-swazzerwhaterhisnameis-look! Keep in mind that if you do decide to do high resistance training - you may gain a bit of weight on the scales. Don’t panic - it’s muscle. In fact, throw the scales away - they will only hinder your bulimia recovery! Bloating is Temporary - Recovery is FOREVER! Every time you feel downhearted about your bloated tummy, remind yourself that bloating is temporary - and recovery is forever... Close your eyes and really try grasp an understanding of what that sentence really means. Remind yourself of the ultimate goal - To be healthy, happy and free!
Related Articles I’ve Written Which You Might Find Helpful:
- Lazy Bowel Syndrome: 3 Weird Tips To get You Going... - 5 Simple Tips To Help Lazy Bowel Syndrome
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“I will be patient in steadily working toward my goal, remembering that all good comes in time”
Step 9: Positive Affirmations
Every single thought and word that passes through your mind is an affirmation. Every affirmation you think or say is a reflection of your internal beliefs... And more importantly, either reinforces beliefs or acts to change them. Not all affirmations are good. For example, your bulimia may be caused by the deep rooted sub conscious belief that you need to be thin to be accepted or loved... You may reinforce this belief by using negative affirmations such as “I just need to lose a little more weight” or “I’m so fat” “Look at my hideous thighs - I’m disgusting!” and so on. All of this negative self talk only intensifies your bulimia. You will never be able to overcome your bulimia unless you challenge and overcome your negative beliefs on a sub conscious level... That’s where positive affirmations can be so effective... Positive affirmations are, to put it simply, short positive statements targeted at a specific belief, to challenge and destroy negative beliefs and to replace them with positive, self nurturing beliefs. I guess you could say that it’s a kind of ‘brainwashing’ - only you get to choose which beliefs you want to wash away. The way positive affirmations are said is extremely important. You need to say them with passion and conviction. Repeating them over and over will help chip away even the strongest of beliefs. Make a list of positive affirmations which strike a chord with you... Memorize them and repeat them - out loud if you can - as many times per days as possible, or whenever negative beliefs or self talk arise. On the following pages are some suggestions of positive affirmations I used in my recovery - and others that I think you make find helpful...
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Positive Affirmations For Bulimia Recovery
This is a new and wonderful day for me; there will never be another day like this one I will allow this food to nourish my body I will enjoy the taste of this food, one bite at a time. Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul I know that I deserve Love and accept it now I rejoice in the Love I encounter everyday I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life. Either I find a way, or I will make one. I will not wait to have a good day. I will make one. I forgive myself and others, release the past and move forward with love in my heart. I love and approve of myself, am at peace with my own feelings and stand tall and free. I will be patient in steadily working toward my goal, remembering that all good comes in time. I will hold on. I will be brave. I am almost there. I will never give up. I have learned to treat myself gently because with a few exceptions, I am doing my best. I will be kind to myself today I am grateful for who I am. If I break my habits and shake up my day a bit, I will gain new impressions and understanding. I am in charge. I am responsible for the direction of my boat. I will forgive in order to move forward. I am naturally beautiful when I am myself. I will be proud of my strengths and nurture them. I will be the best person I can be today. I will relax, be calm and therefore be content. Page 33
Remaining optimistic will help me experience joy. I choose to make the best of what I have, I am brave, I will survive. I have faith in family friends and myself. I have faith in this world. I have faith in my process of recovery. I will look for the beauty in every problem I have to solve. I will never please everyone and that’s okay. I am proud of myself for all I have accomplished no matter how small or great. See how powerful I am! One step at a time. That is how I will get where I am going. I am ready to heal my heart. I am deserving of this. I am free to see life in a new way. Today I take time to inhale peace and exhale fear. Many things are possible if I accept the fastest way is one step at a time. I believe I deserve love. I am not afraid of making mistakes. I can embrace the mystery and magic of myself I will be gentle with myself when I get stuck. I deserve to recover. I will let myself receive the healing I need. I will embrace the changes taking place in me now. They are good. I will nurture myself through each stage of recovery. I believe life is worth living I will make an effort everyday to feel good about who I am and what I can be. I am okay. I will accept today’s challenges to grow. Page 34
If I slip back into old habits, I can gently correct my course without feeling that I have failed. Today I am glad to be ME! Positive or negative... the choice is mine! I DO make a difference. I can cope with change today without turning to or away from food. I will simplify my life today by concentrating on my priorities. I can be kind and patient with myself in my progress toward recovery. I can accept and nurture my body and spirit. I can decide to be cheerful and optimistic, just for today. I love and accept myself where I am now. I am wonderful. I bless my body with love. All parts of my body are beautiful. I accept only thoughts that support me and make me feel good. I deserve and accept the very best in life. No person, place, thing, or thought has power over me. I can change my attitudes toward the past. I choose to release the past and forgive everyone, myself included. I have great respect for myself and gratitude for the miracle of my body and my mind. I feel love for the joy of being alive! I feel love for me. I will keep going. I will take time to notice what’s right in myself, in others and in the world around me I can go anywhere I want to go one step at a time. I will face today with hope and courage. I deserve the very best in my life. I like myself. Page 35
I forgive myself completely. I am falling in love with life. I am attractive, desirable, and lovable. I deserve to be healthy. I enjoy my food and how it nourishes my body. I am good enough just the way I am. I have all the power I need to say no to the negative thoughts. I am letting go of all the self-criticism today and changing all my judging thoughts to thoughts of love. I value myself today. I value everything about me. I am worthy of being gentle with myself. I am grateful for the power I have over the future of my life. I deserve to feel good about myself today-and I do! This too shall pass. I have courage to go forward: to meet the new day, to handle whatever confronts me. I found some of these affirmations at www.something-fishy.org/reach/affirmations.php others were ones that I used during my recovery... Please feel free to use any of these, or come up with your own.
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Positive Affirmations: Worksheet
Read through the list of postive affirmations above. Choose the 10 that mean the most to you... the ones that strike a chord - that make something flutter in your heart. You might need to close your eyes and say each of them - feel each of them - for you to find the ones that have the greatest meaning to you. Write your list of positive affirmations below. Memorise them all so that you can use them throughout the day when you feel you need some uplifting. Top 10 positive Affirmations 1)
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“I don’t believe you can put a price on what bulimia recovery is worth - so consider making the investment in yourself by getting professional help...”
Step 10: Structured Eating
Kick Binge Urges in The Butt... I thought that my body had become truly, 100% incapable of digesting anything. I thought that any calorie that remained in my stomach would instantaneously end up on my butt. I honestly believed that I had done irreparable damage to my stomach and that if I ended my bulimic actions, I would be stuck eating a diet of lettuce for eternity. What did I discover during my recovery? That this belief simply wasn’t true. My body could handle digesting food... And, your body can handle digesting food too... I promise. This is so important to understand at the beginning of your bulimia recovery journey... Why? Because your body will thank you for feeding it by reducing your binge urges. Your body will think... Hmm... maybe I don’t need to eat mindlessly to the point of popping... Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get truly fed from time to time. Depriving yourself of food is one of the biggest triggers for bulimia. I remember starting off many days thinking: “I’m only going to eat fruit so that I won’t feel guilty and I won’t purge”... Guess what... On every single one of these days I would end up falling into an unstoppable binge followed by the inevitable purge. On a conscious level I knew my binging was crazy... But, on a sub-conscious level - it made sense to my body... “Eat as much as you can now - because chances are - she’s either going to a) Throw most of it up or b) Not eat again for ages” On a sub-conscious level I was being instructed to EAT. EAT. EAT. There is only one way to break this cycle and reduce binge urges... Page 38
You need to give your body what it wants - food. It will take a while - even as long as 6 months - for you to know intuitively what your body truly wants... So, until then I will teach you a simple trick that has helped many bulimia sufferers - including me - end their binge urges... Structured Eating To End Binge Urges Structured eating basically means planning and organizing your meals and snacks. During your bulimia recovery, planning 3 meals and 3 snacks a day is perfect. This means you get to eat every 2.5 to 3 hours. Structured eating helped end my binge urges because whenever I felt the urge to eat - I always knew that a meal or snack wasn’t far off. And then, when the time arrived to eat, I knew that I had a planned snack or meal which I had already prepared. I’d eat it slowly and savour it. If I felt the temptation to binge, I’d remind myself that in another 2 hours I could have some more food... After a while, my body began to believe me - and in return, the binge urges became less and less frequent. Of course structured eating didn’t work perfectly right away - as with everything - it takes practice... But, as an overall strategy to reduce binge urges - it worked amazingly well. Here’s a sample of the eating times and menu that I used:
08.00am - breakfast - Cooked apple, raisins & banana with nuts & cream 10.30am - snack - muesli bar and a piece of fruit 01.00pm - lunch - tuna, salad and avocado 03.30pm - snack - pumpkin soup and a small bun 06.00pm - dinner - roast chicken with steamed vegetables & a potato 08.30pm - snack - a cup of tea and a biscuit
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You might feel like this is too much food for you to possibly digest - but remember, food is your friend. Your body can handle food! Whenever you are eating, or stressing yourself out about food - remind yourself of this... Say it over and over again “FOOD IS MY FRIEND - I CAN HANDLE FOOD” Eating - and digesting - will do wonders for your body and mind. And, don’t worry about your weight... Structured eating will eventually help you stabilize at a healthy and natural weight. You may gain a few kg’s during this phase of your recovery - but most of it is water... Some people have even commented that they lost weight from structured eating because the calories they were digesting during their binges far outweighed the calories from their structured eating. Myself - I gained 3 kg’s... but, it’s the best trade I’ve ever made in my life! Have a go at structure eating - what have you got to lose? Be persistent and you’ll find it could change your life.
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Structured Eating: Worksheet
Give your best shot at following structured eating for 1 week... You might not do it perfectly right away - that’s okay - at least you’re giving it a go... On the table below, plan out your meals and snacks for tomorrow. It’s important that you allow yourself a healthy quantity of food... Don’t try to diet - remember, this is about getting healthy! You can plan your meals using a calorie guide if it makes you feel more comfortable, but make sure you have around 1800-2000 calories per day. Copy this meal planner into your food diary/notebook and repeat it every day during the week. Feel free to modify the times to suit your day - but try to keep it to around 3 hours between eating. Try your very best not to miss any meals and snacks - even if you binged earlier in the day. This is all about getting a routine in place for your mind.
(check once eaten)
08.00am - breakfast: 10.30am - snack: 01.00pm - lunch: 03.30pm - snack: 06.00pm - dinner: 08.30pm - snack:
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“I don’t believe you can put a price on what bulimia recovery is worth - so consider making the investment in yourself by getting professional help...”
Additional Help.... Counselling or Therapy
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think therapy was helpful in bulimia recovery... I think that a good therapist can do wonders - and can definitely make the bulimia recovery process much easier. My therapist - Amanda - worked at my university medical center. I didn’t have to pay a cent for her services. But - in hindsight - even if it had been $100 per session - I would have made the investment. She taught me many of the self help techniques I’ve shared in this book. Techniques which lead to my recovery and helped me beat bulimia for good. I don’t believe you can put a price on what bulimia recovery is worth - so consider making the investment in yourself by getting professional help... But, be fussy...
Picking the Right Therapist
Therapist A might not be as good as therapist B... So, if you don’t get a good vibe during your first few appointments - don’t feel shy to try somebody else. Keep going until you find somebody who makes you feel at ease. BUT, all the therapy in the world won’t make a different if you don’t really want to recover... First you need to look deep within yourself and ask the questions “Am I ready to live a life without bulimia?” “Am I ready to let go?” “Am I ready to find health, happiness and self acceptance?” If you answered yes - then congratulations - you now know the steps to take... It’s just a matter of persistently putting them into practice... It’s a matter of making the commitment to yourself... Because you truly do deserve it.
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“You might be thinking... “I’m different. My case is really bad - I’m beyond help!” Trust me, I felt as hopeless as a cat trying to catch it’s shadow. I was throwing up 15+ times a day (on a good day!)... But I pulled through. You and me, we are no different. I recovered and so can you.”
A Message From Shaye
It’s hard to believe that it’s been over 5 years since I recovered from bulimia... I’d be lying if I said that I never looked in the mirror and wished away little areas of fat... But those are passing thoughts now. They don’t rule my mind. They don’t drive me to the toilet (or to the shower, or to the back garden, or to the tupperware under my bed!) I accept them and release them. Then I remember how amazing life is because I am healthy and happy. Life is wonderful because I am free from bulimia... :) ...and you can be free too! You can heal - You can recover - You can write your own future! You might be thinking... “I’m different. My case is really bad - I’m beyond help!” Trust me, I felt as hopeless as a cat trying to catch it’s shadow. I was throwing up 15+ times a day (on a good day!)... But I pulled through. You and me, we are no different. I recovered and so can you. I truly hope that the information I’ve shared in this e-book gives you confidence that you can beat bulimia. I pray that it gives you the direction you need to take baby steps that lead to your recovery. Please, if you have any questions or need any advice, drop me a message on my website. Stay strong. Shaye www.your-bulimia-recovery.com
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SAVE A FRIENDS LIFE
1 in 10 Women Will Suffer
From Bulimia at Some Point
in Their Lives...
I have 200 female friends on facebook. That means 20 of them are affected by bulimia. How many of your friends are suffering in secret? Click here to “Recommend” these recovery steps on facebook and possibly save a life.
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BULIMIA RECOVERY
By Shaye Boddington
Bulimia Survivor
Please print this e-book out before you read it, because you’re going to want to take notes, highlight different points and do the worksheets
- Shaye Boddington, your-bulimia-recovery.com
& Creator of your-bulimia-recovery.com
“It’s not where you stand but the direction in which you face... If you’re not in a place you like right now... Then, just think of where you would like to be and start taking baby steps that move in that direction”
Contents
My Bulimia Story Step 1: Share Your Story Share Your Story: Worksheet Step 2: Make Happiness a Habit Happiness: Worksheet Step 3: Bulimia Heart Attack Prevention Heart Attack Prevention: Worksheet Step 4: Release Your Positive Energy Release Your Positive Energy: Worksheet Step 5: Make Recovery Goals Your Brain Understands! Positive Goals: Worksheet Step 6: Stop, Think, Eat, Think. Stop, Think, Eat, Think: Worksheet Step 7: Intuitive Eating: End The Mindless Munching! Step 8: Surviving The Bulimia Bloating Step 9: Positive Affirmations Positive Affirmations: Worksheet Step 10: Structured Eating Structured Eating: Worksheet Additional Help.... Counselling or Therapy A Message From Shaye SAVE A FRIENDS LIFE 3 12 13 14 15 16 18 19 21 22 24 25 26 27 29 32 37 38 41 42 43 44
Worksheets are marked in blue above
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“It makes me sad to think of the self-abuse I used to inflict... I was an empathetic person, but never showed any respect or sympathy to myself.”
My Bulimia Story
When I was a kid... I was a little different. I would try to shock people by doing all sorts of weird tricks and stunts. I was a bit of an attention-seeker I guess. Most of my tricks and stunts were harmless. Yes, they made people look at me sideways, but they weren’t overly shocking - despite my efforts! Until one day, when I was about 7 or 8... My aunt phoned my mom... “Do you know” she said
Me, my older sister Lara and my mom holding little Ash :)
“That Shaye threw up her lunch today in front of everyone. She did it on purpose”. Although bulimia in children is uncommon, my aunt was concerned that I was bulimic. I can’t blame her... It’s a bit of a strange thing for a kid to do for ‘fun’! Mom talked to me about it and I insisted that it was just a party trick. Because I was always doing strange things, mom believed me. She had no reason not to, because as far as I can remember it was just a party trick. I didn’t do it to lose weight. I was a skinny little thing anyway. However, I do remember on a separate occasion... It was Christmas dinner and there was a DELICIOUS dessert that my Granny had made. Now I mean, top quality... Chocolate Pudding with multi-colored ice-cream. But, after already having eaten dinner and drinking large amounts of fizzy drink... I was on the verge of popping. I couldn’t eat another thing...
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...I was so upset - because living in Zimbabwe, we didn’t get desserts like this that often! I decided that I would sneak into the garden and throw up my food to make more space in my tummy. So I did that... and I didn’t really see a problem with it. For some reason, throwing up happened quite easily for me. I went back inside and ate as much pudding as I could get my hands on. I thought this was a win-win situation. In time, I clicked onto the fact that this could be a handy way of keeping myself thin...
At the age of 8 (Left) bulimia entered my life...
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Bulimia in My Early Teens
At the age of 11, I started the sport of springboard diving. I loved it, I lived for it! Within months of starting I was in the Zimbabwe team and got to travel all over the world to compete. I had a natural talent for it, and a strong physique... But, as I entered my early teens I noticed changes with my body. I was embarrassed to go to training and get in my swim suit.
The Zim diving team on tour - I’m 3rd from the left.
These horrific things called boob’s started growing on my chest... And God forbid... I started getting hips! I was so ashamed of my new shape that I embarked on a diet to lose the weight I had gained during puberty. My aim was to lose my boobs, hips and bum! I was by no means big at all. I was 5’4” and weighed about 45 kg’s. Within months of dieting I had lost a lot of weight and started looking very thin. Too thin (apparently). My mom began watching me at meal times... So I would eat. But often, I would sneak off and throw up too. Bulimia and anorexia came and went between the ages of 11-15. It couldn’t have been too bad though because I have a lot of happy memories from this time in my life. At the age of 15, my country - Zimbabwe went down the gurgler. It became a dangerous place to live. The president also declared that he would not go out of power until every white person had left the country. My family, although 3rd generation Zimbabweans - had to leave. We were to travel to the other side of the world - New Zealand - where we would try to start a new life.
The Trauma of Immigration
Just a girl, a solitary tear, Waiting for that moment, waiting not to fear. Free me from this world, free me from this pain, This utter torment, this world has gone insane. I see no colors, I see no hues, I see no red, I see no blue. I just see a road, that goes on forever, And I’m crawling with this load, we are bound together...
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I was in a new country. I knew nobody. I was alone and scared. The majority of people I had known and loved, I would never see again. It was hell. Immigration had a lot to do with my downward spiral into the darkness of bulimia... I was a vulnerable teenager - who already had eating disorder tendencies - and suddenly I was thrown into a strange world. It took 5 years before I came to terms with being forced to leave Zimbabwe. It messed me up big time! Back then I didn’t see the link between the trauma of immigration and my bulimia. To me, I was just weak. I had no self-control and I was just a ‘pathetic bulimic’. It makes me sad to think of the self-abuse I used to inflict... I was an empathetic person, but never showed any respect or sympathy to myself.
Bulimia and my Sporting Career
After immigrating to New Zealand I found the top springboard diving coach in the country. I was well on my way to making the Olympic team - and he would help me get there. He was Chinese... and although a nice man, as a coach - he was as tough as nails! He was used to Chinese athletes and Chinese physiques. Us Westerners looked fat to him. Even though I was 5’6” and only 56 kg’s - At my first training session with him he told me that I needed to lose 10 kg’s. I still remember his words in broken English: “Augh! 56kg! Very fat. You need lose 10kg!” Well... You can imagine what this did to a 15 year old, who had just left her home and moved to a new country... and who already had anorexia and bulimia problems... I lost those 10 kg’s... But by the time I was finished - there was nothing left of me and I had nothing left to give... My world was ruled by restricting calories, and throwing up any food I did consume.
Despite losing so much weight - I lived in hope of just ‘Losing a little more’
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I remember one night after eating an apple - I was frantic. I had to get it out of me. I spent an hour after everyone had gone to bed - desperately trying to throw it up. Of course, most of it had been digested and the majority of what I threw up was bile. By the time I finished my mouth was bleeding and I sobbed myself helplessly to sleep. All that over an apple.... Events like this happened pretty much on a daily basis. Needless to say when I was 17 - just 3 months before the Olympic Games (I was in the NZ squad) I packed diving in. I had nothing left to give...
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Food, Food and More Food!
By the time I was 17 - I no longer restricted what I would eat. My bulimia took an evil turn. I became a compulsive eater... I ate to feel better. I ate to numb my mind. I ate just so that I was doing something. Nobody ever really suspected that I was bulimic. I was so damn good at hiding it - and would go to any lengths to do so... I remember sitting on the train on the way back from university. I had already devoured a large chocolate milk and 2 chocolate bars before hand. Terrified that I would digest the calories from it, I threw up into the empty chocolate milk bottle... On the train, in front of everyone. But - nobody even noticed... After so many years throwing up - it happened naturally. I could even do it in public without drawing attention to myself. I would have to say that it was the compulsive eating years of my bulimia that were by far the worst. The feeling of having no control is horrendous.
Being Bulimic at University.
By the time I was at university, my bulimia had completely spiraled out of control. I was throwing up multiple times an hour... I couldn’t stop eating, but I couldn’t hold anything in. If I were getting a degree in ‘what the inside of the uni toilets looked like’ - I would have graduated with distinction! But still... nobody knew I was bulimic. I’m sure my mom and dad suspected it. But they didn’t know for sure. One thing is certain - they didn’t know how bad I was. When I wasn’t at uni, I had to work continually to make money. Bulimia is an expensive illness and I was spending upwards of $40 a day on binge food alone. Uni, eat, puke, eat, work, eat, puke, work, puke, puke, puke, puke, bed. You can only imagine what that does to the body and mind! Some of my most shameful bulimia memories are from around this time... I remember stealing food from a friends house, just to get me through the day. It makes me cringe even writing that down for people to read! I have forgiven myself now - but I’m still shocked to see how deeply addicted to bulimia I had become. Page 8
Leading Up To My Bulimia Recovery...
My illness had become so severe that I was experiencing the terrible physical effects of bulimia. I started to have irregular heart beats. My teeth were rotting away (I had to spend $6000 to get them fixed so that people wouldn’t notice!) and my entire body continually ached. Sometimes I would get such sudden and severe pains in my heart that I would keel over. Deep down, I knew that if I continued like this, I would die - soon. I thought of my mom, having to bash down the bathroom door - to find me lying dead in a pile of my own puke... This thought drove me to send an email that ultimately changed my life... I wrote to the university counselor, asking her if she could ‘treat’ me online. I was too ashamed to go in and see her. She agreed. Within 1 week she had worked her persuasive magic and I was sitting in her office. I was so damn nervous that I felt like I was going to puke (but then what was new I guess!) But, I had to take control of my life. I had to recover from bulimia...
Me, age 17. You can see the effects of bulimia all over my face... Chipmunk cheeks, rotten teeth, sores and sad sunken eyes.
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5 Years Free From Bulimia!
I would never have believed it then. Shaye, the bulimic... could recover from this consuming illness... That I could get through a day, a month, a year... 3 years, 4 years, 5 years... Without sacrificing a single day to bulimia. But I did it. Yes, it was hard. But, you know what... It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Sometimes it would be easy to forget that I was ever bulimic at all... Except for one thing... That’s the lasting gratitude I have to be living such a beautiful life... Such a healthy life... Such a simple life. If I had never suffered from bulimia - I wouldn’t know this gratitude. From my experience of bulimia and recovery, I hope to help you. I want you to know that you’re not alone - and you’re not a freak. I want you to know that I recovered from bulimia and you can too! In this book I’ll teach you the 10 steps that I took in my recovery. I truly believe that if you put them all into practice, you will see the beautiful world that exists beyond bulimia. It won’t happen over night... It could even take an entire year - like it did for me... But, if you turn to face the direction of health and happiness and take persistent baby steps - you will get there.
Christmas 2009 with my 2 beautiful sisters. It’s amazing to be able to let my hair down and enjoy life to the full! (I’m on the left)
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10 Steps To
BULIMIA RECOVERY
P.S. If you havn’t printed this out yet please do it now... You will be more likely to take notes, do the worksheets and take action!
“I realized that people didn’t hate me. To them, I wasn’t Shaye the bulimic... I was still just Shaye.”
Step 1: Share Your Story
I was always the kid that could handle the heat... The kid that could take whatever came my way. I was the tough kid - or so everybody thought... In reality I had a soft soul. I felt things. I was easily wounded. BUT... I never let anyone know it. This tough exterior continued into my years of bulimia. I pretended everything was fine and dandy... But on the inside I was screaming... My life was falling apart. Bulimia is such a massive burden for you to carry on your own. It helps to share it with somebody. Talk about your illness... Your feelings... Your fears. Find somebody you trust and open up to them completely. I remember the day I first talked about my bulimia. It felt as though I could finally breathe again... I felt hopeful for the first time in over a decade. The shame and anxiety I had felt for so long started to slowly melt away. I realized that people didn’t hate me. To them... I wasn’t Shaye the bulimic... I was still just Shaye. I remember sitting in the car having ‘the chat’ with my boyfriend Tom. He actually asked me if I was bulimic (he had started to suspect something). It was hard to admit to him that I wasn’t the perfect bubbly individual I pretended to be... But I told him everything. My heart was pounding in my chest the whole time... But I felt closer to him than ever. I know how terrifying it is to open up about bulimia... BUT, it’s essential in your bulimia recovery to share your story. It helps you admit, to yourself and others, that you need help. It helps to release some of the shame that you feel. If you feel too ashamed to share your story with somebody you know... Telling it anonymously online is a great place to start! Please consider sharing your story on my website - where over 50 others just like you - have shared their story... http://www.your-bulimia-recovery.com/bulimia-stories.html Page 12
Share Your Story: Worksheet
Try to dig deep and answer the questions below from your heart. If you need more space to write, feel free to grab a notebook and write the answers in there. The more you let out the better! Once you’ve finished answering the questions, share them with other bulimia sufferes online. This simple act will help you realise you’re not alone. As a result, you’ll feel less ashamed. Post your story at www.your-bulimia-recovery.com/bulimia-stories.html What’s your earliest bulimia memory? Eg: Mine is vomiting behind the lucky bean tree at age 8
Why do you beleive that you became bulimic? Ie: Abuse, to fit in, to cope, etc
How does bulimia negatively effect your life?
Why do you want to recover from bulimia?
What are you goals and dreams for the future? Be bold...There are no limits here!
“Have fun with your life. The last thing you want is to get to 90 years old and say... Gawd.. That was boring.”
Step 2: Make Happiness a Habit
Life is too short to take seriously... But, that’s what bulimics do. We take everything so seriously and it takes the fun out of life! Relax... Turn on your favorite song. Dance. Sit in the sun. Call up a friend. Go for a walk. Go to the beach. Join a club. Play some sport. Buy a puppy. You get the idea! Just enjoy yourself a bit more. Find a long list of things you love doing... and then... DO THEM! Whenever you feel angry, sad, depressed... Pull out your list and MAKE YOURSELF do one of the things on it! Now, that doesn’t mean you need to buy a new puppy every week... It can be something simple... Even great music can snap you out of your mood and help you fight the urge to binge. Have fun with your life. The last thing you want is to get to 90 years old and say... Gawd.. That was boring. Learning how to love your life is a key part in learning how to beat bulimia. A happy person isn’t likely to be a bulimic person... So start practicing happiness today!
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Happiness: Worksheet
Bulimia has the ability to suck in all yoru focus and energy. This mean that in time you forget the things in life that you truly enjoy doing. This exercise aims at helping you remember them - and put them into action! On this page, write down all the things that you enjoy doing. Try to think back to even before bulimia entered you life... How did you spend your time? What excited you? What interested you? What were your dreams? Even write down things that may seem small and trivial... They could be enough to turn a grey day into a sunny day :) For example, on my happiness list I had: Listening to 90’s music, playing with my puppy, walking in the forest, going to the beach, doing crafts and making arty things, painting, stretching and travel... just to name a few. This list will grow in time as you break free from bulimia and begint o explore your vibrant new life. Once you have created your list, pin it up on your dressing table and make sure you do at least 1 thing on that list every day. This is an important step - try not to overlook it!
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
My Hapiness List
“Thank God I realized the importance of replenishing my electrolytes before it was too late...”
Step 3: Bulimia Heart Attack Prevention
As I flicked through the pages, my knees began to feel weak. The consequences of bulimia can be deadly serious... I began to realize how truly lucky I was not to die from my illness. I don’t know how bulimia didn’t take me down. How it didn’t kill me... Sarah, the girl I was reading about, was just 19. She’d been bulimic for 6 years. That’s 4 years less than me. Bulimia ruled her life - as it did mine. She threw up multiple times a day - as did I... She had a heart attack at 19 and died from bulimia... An electrolyte imbalance resulting from Sarah’s repeated purging sent her heart into cardiac arrhythmia overnight. The next morning, Barbara Siskin found her daughter on the floor of her bedroom with no pulse, warm to the touch. Barbara called 911 and performed CPR until the ambulance arrived. The emergency room doctors at Montgomery General Hospital, where Sarah had worked in high school, tried for 45 minutes to save her. Then they told her parents: We’re so sorry. Sarah died from bulimia... But, I didn’t... From the surface I looked worse off than her... How far away was my death? One year? One week? Perhaps just one day? Thank God I never found out. Thank God I realized the importance of replenishing my electrolytes before it was too late... Here’s how I did it.... Page 16
This smoothie is not only delicious - but it could save your life too! It’s full of electrolytes which are essential for a healthy heart...
The Life Saving, Electrolyte Replenishing Smoothie...
Ingredients:
- 1-2 bananas - 2-3 dates (dried or medjool) - 2 tsp cocoa powder - 1 cup crushed ice - 1/2 cup of calcium enriched milk (or rice milk/coconut milk if dairy gives you bloating)
Directions:
Blend all of the ingredients in a blender until smoothie. It may help to heat the dates in some hot water for 1 minute prior to blending (to soften them) Pour the smoothie into a nice glass... We all know things taste even better when they look nice! Drink it slowly and savor each sip. If you find it hard to keep anything down - then drink it before bed so that you can digest it while you sleep. If you think you can manage, drink it for breakfast - it’s a healthy start to the day. Don’t focus on any negatives whilst drinking and digesting this smoothie... Focus on what it’s doing for your health and how it will help your body gain strength to beat bulimia! Try not to throw up for at least a few hours after drinking this smoothie. This will allow your body to absorb the electrolytes from it. NOTE: Try to have one of these smoothies every day. You can experiment with the recipe as long as it includes the dates and bananas :)
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Heart Attack Prevention: Worksheet
The aim here is to try and drink the banana smoothie above each morning for 1 week. Before you drink your smoothie, sit quietly for one minute and repeat in your mind: “I will allow this smoothie to nourish my body” Then, drink it slowly, breathing inbetween sips. When you are 1/2 way through your smoothie, stop for a few minutes, focus on feeling the smoothie go into your tummy. Close your eyes and imagine the nutrients being send out throughout your body to heal, nurture and protect. Repeat again “I will allow this food to nourish my body” and continue drinking your smoothie slowly. Write down your feelings and the number of hours before your first binge/purge following drinking the smoothie. This will help you keep track of your progress.
MONDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: TUESDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: WEDNESDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: THURSDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: FRIDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: SATURDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge: SUNDAY Feelings at mid-way point of drinking smoothie: Feeling after drinking the smoothie: Number of hours before binge/purge:
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“Binging and purging isn’t the disorder only the by-product of an underlying cause.”
Step 4: Release Your Positive Energy
Positive Energy might sound a bit hippy-ish... But there is much more to it than singing happy songs and dancing around in a sun kissed field... (Although that does sound quite fun!)
What’s Involved in Positive Energy Treatment For Bulimia?
Positive energy treatment is based on the belief that your bulimia is a disorder of feelings, thoughts, identity, values, relationships, coping and control. Binging and purging isn’t the disorder - only the by-product of an underlying cause. This means that recovering from bulimia requires you to change your subconscious mind. You need to change negative feelings and thoughts into positive ones. You need to change a negative identity into a positive one. Now, you might be thinking, yea of course, I know all that stuff already! And, I’m guessing that just knowing it wasn’t enough - because you’re still suffering from bulimia... This proves that it’s no good knowing what you need to change without actually knowing how to change it... You need to learn how to successfully re-program your subconscious mind into being positive, happy and bulimia free... Now, I did this 5 years ago to help beat my bulimia - and I know that you can do it too. Here are 3 ways that you can gradually begin to re-program your mind to that of a healthy and happy person:
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1) Make Happiness a Habit...
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of doing the same old thing every day. In our fast paced lives - we tend to push happiness aside for other things that seem more important... But, the truth is, not many things are more important than happiness and well being... Try to add one positive, happy thing into every single day... Be it 5 minutes of ‘time-out’ to listen to your favorite music... Going to the beach, walking in the forest... Whatever you love doing... This is a simple little step that will help you become more positive about life.
2) Make A Dream Board
Having a dream board reminds you of what you want out of your life. It will help you reach your goals and dreams faster. But, the most important thing about a dream board for bulimia sufferers is that it helps you focus on life beyond bulimia. It helps remind your brain on a sub conscious level what it is striving for. Make sure that you create your dream board on a light and airy colored board. Fill it with positive and happy pictures of what you want out of life. Keep anything that could be triggering off it - such as pictures of slim models and so on. Put your dream board in a place that you see often - every day. Above your dressing table perhaps? You could even scan it and make it your computer background... The more you can get these images into your sub conscious - the better!
3) Gratitude Lists
You have so much to be grateful for... Life is full of wonderful people, places and experiences. Despite your bulimia - life is magnificent... Before you go to bed each night, write down ten things you are grateful for that day and why. Allow yourself to think deeply about each one and let a joyful smile beam across your face. This positive thinking will help change your brain on that all important sub conscious level. It will help your to become a happier person... And, in time, a person who feels capable of beating bulimia. Gratitude can help to turn your life around... What are you grateful for right now? Allow yourself to feel it and feel happy about it...
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Release Your Positive Energy: Worksheet
You can obtain radiant health and happiness by the images you paint in the studio of your mind. That is why it is so important to practice being positive and being grateful. This workseet helps you to focus on and emphasise all the good in your life. When you’re feeling good, positive and grateful, you’ll attract even more positivity and happiness to your life. Do this worksheet each morning as soon as you wake up. It’ll set a fresh and happy feeling right at the start of your day. Make sure that you do the action step each day too... This is important as it will make you take action and get results. Write a list of people in your life who you are grateful for...
Choose one of these people to focus on further. Write down what it is that you are grateful for about this person.
Read over what you have just written. Close your eyes and allow yourself to truly feel all the positive energy you have for this person. Focus on how much you appreciate having them in your life. Once you’re feeling good, settle for a few minutes and just let the feeling love and gratitude roll over you, again and again. ACTION STEP: Think about what you could do for this person today that lets them know you appreciate them. It can be something small - like a letter, a phone call or a giant hug. It’s up to you. Write it down below and commit to doing it. TIP: You don’t need to focus on a person every single day... You could also focus on your gratitude for opportinties, material possessions, experiences and so on. Be creative with this! Page 21
“Try to restructure the way you think and write your goals. Focus on the positive outcome of what you want”
Step 5: Make Recovery Goals Your Brain Understands!
I call this tip ‘goal setting with a positive twist’. It’s a very simple technique - but it can have dramatically positive effects on your mind if you persistently put it to practice. Lets say you’ve created a goal for the week: ‘My goal is to not to binge and throw up’ Hmm okay. You have great intentions... But, sorry to tell you this... Your brain can’t understand what you’re telling it... Why? Because you’re using the word not. In goal setting, never use these words... * Not * Don’t * Won’t * Can’t * Mustn’t * Never These are all negatives and your brain doesn’t notice these words... It filters them out. Your goal to not binge and throw up is understood by your brain as binge and throw up! The image in your brain when you make that goal is not of a healthy and happy person - it’s of somebody bingeing and purging. Try to restructure the way you think and write your goals. Focus on the positive outcome of what you want. For example instead of saying your goal is to ‘not binge and throw up’... try saying: ‘My goal is to enjoy 3 healthy meals today and let them nourish my body’ Can you see what a healthier and happier feeling this goal has? Although they both mean the same thing... Our brains read them completely differently!
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Stick Your Goal on Your Cupboard...
Grab a selection of happy colored pens, write your positive goal down and stick it in your cupboard. Beneath it, list all the wonderful things that will happen when you stick to your goal. Remember to keep negatives out of it! Your goals and everything about them should always be focused on positives :)
Make Your Goals Measurable...
Goals that contain a measurable quantity feel much more achievable. That’s because your brain can see it and visualize it. For example: Your goal is to eat 3 healthy meals a day with 3 small snacks in between... Your brain can understand this goal right away... You’re on the same page and can put the goal into action.
Make Your Goals Realistic
I think this point is really important... I can remember making the goal every single Sunday night “As of tomorrow, I will never throw up again” ... Monday morning would come and by 10am I would have binged and purged. The problem... My goals were so extreme. After suffering from bulimia for over 10 years - ending it over night was completely unrealistic. Not only was I focussing on the negative (throwing up) but I was also making my goals so unattainable that I felt defeated right from the word go. Having high goals that stretch you is important, but it’s important to create goals that are realistic for your situation. Creating unrealistic goals is very demotivating and will make you feel powerless. Start your bulimia recovery with small achievable goals such as “I will drink an electrolyte-replenishing smoothie for breakfast - and allow it to nourish my body” Do this until you’re comfortable that you can achieve it on a daily basis... Then, add another goal into your routine. Achieving small positive goals, one by one, is a slow, but sure way of reaching recovery.
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Positive Goals: Worksheet
Positive structuring of our thoughts, words and goals can take little getting used to... But once it becomes second nature, you’ll see what an amazing impact it has on your life. To help get you used tot his new way of thinking, I’ve set a challenge for you... Whenever you notice a negative thought (using the words not, don’t, won’t, can’t, mustn’t or never) entering your mind, SLAM IT! Yell STOP (in your mind if there are people around!) and start re-wording the thought to a positive. Then, write down below what the new, positive thought process was... Do this as many times per day as possible.
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“Recovering from bulimia cold turkey is tough... So, I’m not going to suggest you do that!”
Step 6: Stop, Think, Eat, Think.
You’ve probably tried to stop binging cold turkey before... And, I’m guessing it didn’t work (It definitely didn’t work for me!) But, that’s okay... Recovering from bulimia cold turkey is tough... So, I’m not going to suggest you do that! But I do suggest this... Whenever you feel like you need to binge, or find yourself starting to binge... STOP. THINK. EAT. THINK. STOP what you’re doing... walk away from the food to somewhere you can clear your head. THINK about what is triggering the binge... Are you bored, lonely, sad or anxious? Try to dig deep and figure out what is making you want to binge. It might be something simple like boredom... Or something more complicated like loneliness after a breakup. It may just be an overall feeling - like anxiety, or fear... Write down what you discover in a notebook that you keep close to you. EAT, if you still feel you need to binge... The focus of this exercise is to analyze your feelings. Not to avoid the binge. By stopping and thinking first, you have taken a big step towards discovering the deep-rooted cause of your bulimia. THINK about strategies... After your binge/purge session, take out your booklet and look at what you wrote down about your feelings before the binge. Think about strategies you could use next time you feel that way... For example: if you noticed that you binged because you were bored... Why not ring up a friend and go for a walk? Or, if you noticed it was because you were lonely... Give your best mate a buzz and ask if she want’s to hang out... See how analyzing your feeling before a binge can help to prevent future binges? This technique takes practice. Just keep working at it. You’ll get there! Page 25
Stop, Think, Eat, Think: Worksheet
This worksheet is a sample of what you should try do in your food diary/notebook. Fill it out next time you have a binge urge. STOP: When you feel the urge to binge, allow yourself 5 minutes to fill out this worksheet THINK: Think about what is triggering the binge... Are you bored, lonely, sad or anxious? Or, is it just a sudden craving that comes over you? Try to dig deep and figure out what is making you want to binge. Write what you discover below:
EAT: If you still feel the need to eat. THINK: Look at your answers to what triggered the binge urge? Think about strategies you could use next time you feel that way... Write them out below. STRATEGY TO OVERCOME BINGE URGES ASSOCIATED TO THESE FEELINGS OR SITUATIONS IT IN THE FUTURE:
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“From the moment you were born your intuitive eating was trained out of you... By scheduled meal times, force feeding, dieting and so on.”
Step 7: Intuitive Eating: End The Mindless Munching!
Try to remember your last binge. Did you focus on each and every bite of food you ate? Did you chew out all the flavor and think about how it would nourish your body? ...No? I didn’t think so... You see, when I was bulimic, my binges were like this: I told myself I’d just have one piece of bread, then walk away... But deep down I knew this was a lie. In a matter of seconds, the first piece was gone... By which stage the toaster was filled with another 4. From then on everything went hazy and I just ate my way through whatever I could find... Until I felt like popping. Then I went to the bathroom to throw it all up, promising that tomorrow would be different. That sounds familiar doesn’t it? To help with your bulimia recovery, it’s essential that you learn how to end the mindless-munching. This doesn’t mean you can’t eat yummy foods... It just means you need to be aware. You will learn to listen to your body telling you when to eat and when to stop. This is called intuitive eating and it’s an important step in learning to how beat the addictive habit of binge eating...
Intuitive Eating: The Key to Your Bulimia Recovery
Everybody knows how to eat intuitively when they’re born... Take a little baby for example. They’ll scream and throw tantrums when they’re hungry... and refuse their bottle when they’re full. This is intuitive eating. They know what their bodies want... and they know when they’ve had enough. Intuitive eating should be simple... BUT, it doesn’t happen naturally for most adults (and even children) in modern day society... Page 27
When you were young you were probably bombarded with messages and threats: ‘Finish all your dinner, or else you’re not leaving the table’ Or, ‘Nonsense, you’re not hungry, you only ate lunch an hour ago’ From the moment you were born your intuitive eating was trained out of you... By scheduled meal times, force feeding, deprivation and so on. Then when you were a bit older, along came dieting... This goes against everything intuitive eating is about... Yet another kick in the face to natures method of keeping us slim, satisfied and healthy. We have become so disconnected from nature that we’ve forgotten how to eat... But, there is good news... Intuitive eating is something that can be re-learnt. Here’s how...
4 Steps On How to Eat Intuitively and Enjoy Food in a Healthy Way
1. Enjoy your hunger. Notice what true hunger feels like in your tummy... Embrace it and then satisfy it by eating just enough to make it go away. 2. Stop counting. Counting calories does not help with bulimia at all. When I started counting calories, my binging went from bad to worse. Stop watching the numbers today and instead practice eating intuitively to find out what your body needs. 3. Make an occasion out of your meals. Make an occasion out of all of your meals. Use nice cutlery and nice plates... Sit down without the TV on and eat you meal slowly... Tasting, chewing and thinking about every bite. 4. Wait. If you find yourself about to binge, Wait... Observe your cravings and what might be causing them... Try to understand them and what emotions accompany them. Try to dig deep and figure out what’s really making you want to eat.
Become A Master Of Intuitive Eating
The audio book “Intuitive Eating: A Practical Guide to Make Peace with Food, Free Yourself from Chronic Dieting, Reach Your Natural Weight” by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole is getting rave reviews... I think it’s definitely worth the investment.
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“Bulimia bloating sucks big time! Unfortunately, it’s an unavoidable part of recovering from bulimia. The good news is that it doesn’t last forever.”
Step 8: Surviving The Bulimia Bloating
The worst side-effect of recovering from bulimia is the “bulimia bloat”. Haven’t heard of it? Allow me to introduce you. It’s when your... * Tummy sticks out so far you feel pregnant * Jeans won’t quite zip to the top. * Stomach feels full of stones from the constipation Bulimia bloating sucks big time! Unfortunately, it’s an unavoidable part of recovering from bulimia. The good news is that it doesn’t last forever. When I first stopped throwing up... My bulimia bloat hit with a vengeance. My tummy went from flat to 9-month-bun-in-the-oven in just a few days... The worst of it lasted for just over a month!
My Top 6 Tips To Kick The Bulimia Bloat
There were times during my recovery that I felt fat, bloated and ready to give up... These 6 tips helped me fight the urge to throw in the towel. They’re simple tips that ease the discomfort of bloating. Some of them will also help kick your sluggish bulimia metabolism back into action.
1) Buy some baggy clothes... Don’t worry they’ll just be temporary! Buying bigger clothes doesn’t mean you’re going to get fat... What it does mean is that your tummy will feel fat for a while. It’ll be bloated... and you’ll probably feel embarrassed about it.
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A simple way to overcome this is to wear clothes that allow your tummy to poke out without being noticed... Think baby doll dresses and trendy sweatshirts... My checkered baby blue dress was a lifesaver when I was recovering from bulimia! In fact, 5 years on, I still have this dress - now I wear it when I have my unavoidable ‘time-of-themonth’ bloating! 2) Probiotics Vomiting kills the healthy bacteria in your tummy - which is essential for digestion. When this bacteria is scarce, food sits in your tummy and ferments... It causes bloating, tummy pain and wind. To restore your helpful community of bacteria, you can drink delicious coconut kefir or take probiotic pills. (The first option is much more fun!) Once off won’t quite do it - you’ll need to keep it up - daily for about a month. 3) Catch Up On Your ZzZzZzzz I remember feeling so revolting after eating that I couldn’t stay awake. I used to sleep off the worst of the bulimia bloat. Sleeping straight after eating isn’t ideal, but during the first phase of recovering from bulimia, you can cut yourself some slack! Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better and resist throwing up. When you wake up, your food would have gone down - and things won’t seem quite as serious. Plus, your body needs the extra rest to recover... Bulimia has sent it to hell and back and the extra sleep will be much appreciated! 4) Senna Tea - for times you just can’t handle The Bloat Senna is a natural laxative. I used it when I felt like my belly was going to pop from constipation. I’m a little hesitant to recommend senna tea to people recovering from bulimia... In case they overuse it and become addicted... Please be very cautious of this! Use senna tea as a last resort... When you feel so bloated and constipated that you want to give up... Don’t drink it more than a couple of times a week and for no longer than a month. If you overuse it you run the risk of making your metabolism even worse by damaging the nerves in your colon.
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5) Drink 3+ cups of herbal tea before eating Breakfast This is a bit of a weird one... But it kicked my lazy metabolism back into action each morning. It makes you need to go! Allow about 30 minutes between drinking your herbal tea (peppermint or green tea is perfect) and eating breakfast. This will make sure that the liquid has had time to go down and clear the pathway! 6) Exercise! It’s no secret that exercise speeds up your metabolism... So, it makes sense that it’s effective in helping with the bulimia bloat. What is a secret though, is how much wind you’ll pass when you exercise... BUT, that’s not a bad thing (er, except for maybe the guy on the treadmill next to you) ‘Releasing wind’ helps ease the pressure in your tummy. I found that high intensity resistance training (exercises with heavy weights) made my metabolism speed up dramatically. It builds muscle - and muscle burns calories to survive. Basically high resistance training makes you a more effective fat burning machine. Think squats with a barbell, Good mornings and so on... Pretty much what you see the blokes at the gym doing! You don’t need to worry about getting overly muscly from it - us females aren’t equipped with the testosterone needed to get that super-strong-Aronld-swazzerwhaterhisnameis-look! Keep in mind that if you do decide to do high resistance training - you may gain a bit of weight on the scales. Don’t panic - it’s muscle. In fact, throw the scales away - they will only hinder your bulimia recovery! Bloating is Temporary - Recovery is FOREVER! Every time you feel downhearted about your bloated tummy, remind yourself that bloating is temporary - and recovery is forever... Close your eyes and really try grasp an understanding of what that sentence really means. Remind yourself of the ultimate goal - To be healthy, happy and free!
Related Articles I’ve Written Which You Might Find Helpful:
- Lazy Bowel Syndrome: 3 Weird Tips To get You Going... - 5 Simple Tips To Help Lazy Bowel Syndrome
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“I will be patient in steadily working toward my goal, remembering that all good comes in time”
Step 9: Positive Affirmations
Every single thought and word that passes through your mind is an affirmation. Every affirmation you think or say is a reflection of your internal beliefs... And more importantly, either reinforces beliefs or acts to change them. Not all affirmations are good. For example, your bulimia may be caused by the deep rooted sub conscious belief that you need to be thin to be accepted or loved... You may reinforce this belief by using negative affirmations such as “I just need to lose a little more weight” or “I’m so fat” “Look at my hideous thighs - I’m disgusting!” and so on. All of this negative self talk only intensifies your bulimia. You will never be able to overcome your bulimia unless you challenge and overcome your negative beliefs on a sub conscious level... That’s where positive affirmations can be so effective... Positive affirmations are, to put it simply, short positive statements targeted at a specific belief, to challenge and destroy negative beliefs and to replace them with positive, self nurturing beliefs. I guess you could say that it’s a kind of ‘brainwashing’ - only you get to choose which beliefs you want to wash away. The way positive affirmations are said is extremely important. You need to say them with passion and conviction. Repeating them over and over will help chip away even the strongest of beliefs. Make a list of positive affirmations which strike a chord with you... Memorize them and repeat them - out loud if you can - as many times per days as possible, or whenever negative beliefs or self talk arise. On the following pages are some suggestions of positive affirmations I used in my recovery - and others that I think you make find helpful...
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Positive Affirmations For Bulimia Recovery
This is a new and wonderful day for me; there will never be another day like this one I will allow this food to nourish my body I will enjoy the taste of this food, one bite at a time. Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul I know that I deserve Love and accept it now I rejoice in the Love I encounter everyday I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life. Either I find a way, or I will make one. I will not wait to have a good day. I will make one. I forgive myself and others, release the past and move forward with love in my heart. I love and approve of myself, am at peace with my own feelings and stand tall and free. I will be patient in steadily working toward my goal, remembering that all good comes in time. I will hold on. I will be brave. I am almost there. I will never give up. I have learned to treat myself gently because with a few exceptions, I am doing my best. I will be kind to myself today I am grateful for who I am. If I break my habits and shake up my day a bit, I will gain new impressions and understanding. I am in charge. I am responsible for the direction of my boat. I will forgive in order to move forward. I am naturally beautiful when I am myself. I will be proud of my strengths and nurture them. I will be the best person I can be today. I will relax, be calm and therefore be content. Page 33
Remaining optimistic will help me experience joy. I choose to make the best of what I have, I am brave, I will survive. I have faith in family friends and myself. I have faith in this world. I have faith in my process of recovery. I will look for the beauty in every problem I have to solve. I will never please everyone and that’s okay. I am proud of myself for all I have accomplished no matter how small or great. See how powerful I am! One step at a time. That is how I will get where I am going. I am ready to heal my heart. I am deserving of this. I am free to see life in a new way. Today I take time to inhale peace and exhale fear. Many things are possible if I accept the fastest way is one step at a time. I believe I deserve love. I am not afraid of making mistakes. I can embrace the mystery and magic of myself I will be gentle with myself when I get stuck. I deserve to recover. I will let myself receive the healing I need. I will embrace the changes taking place in me now. They are good. I will nurture myself through each stage of recovery. I believe life is worth living I will make an effort everyday to feel good about who I am and what I can be. I am okay. I will accept today’s challenges to grow. Page 34
If I slip back into old habits, I can gently correct my course without feeling that I have failed. Today I am glad to be ME! Positive or negative... the choice is mine! I DO make a difference. I can cope with change today without turning to or away from food. I will simplify my life today by concentrating on my priorities. I can be kind and patient with myself in my progress toward recovery. I can accept and nurture my body and spirit. I can decide to be cheerful and optimistic, just for today. I love and accept myself where I am now. I am wonderful. I bless my body with love. All parts of my body are beautiful. I accept only thoughts that support me and make me feel good. I deserve and accept the very best in life. No person, place, thing, or thought has power over me. I can change my attitudes toward the past. I choose to release the past and forgive everyone, myself included. I have great respect for myself and gratitude for the miracle of my body and my mind. I feel love for the joy of being alive! I feel love for me. I will keep going. I will take time to notice what’s right in myself, in others and in the world around me I can go anywhere I want to go one step at a time. I will face today with hope and courage. I deserve the very best in my life. I like myself. Page 35
I forgive myself completely. I am falling in love with life. I am attractive, desirable, and lovable. I deserve to be healthy. I enjoy my food and how it nourishes my body. I am good enough just the way I am. I have all the power I need to say no to the negative thoughts. I am letting go of all the self-criticism today and changing all my judging thoughts to thoughts of love. I value myself today. I value everything about me. I am worthy of being gentle with myself. I am grateful for the power I have over the future of my life. I deserve to feel good about myself today-and I do! This too shall pass. I have courage to go forward: to meet the new day, to handle whatever confronts me. I found some of these affirmations at www.something-fishy.org/reach/affirmations.php others were ones that I used during my recovery... Please feel free to use any of these, or come up with your own.
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Positive Affirmations: Worksheet
Read through the list of postive affirmations above. Choose the 10 that mean the most to you... the ones that strike a chord - that make something flutter in your heart. You might need to close your eyes and say each of them - feel each of them - for you to find the ones that have the greatest meaning to you. Write your list of positive affirmations below. Memorise them all so that you can use them throughout the day when you feel you need some uplifting. Top 10 positive Affirmations 1)
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“I don’t believe you can put a price on what bulimia recovery is worth - so consider making the investment in yourself by getting professional help...”
Step 10: Structured Eating
Kick Binge Urges in The Butt... I thought that my body had become truly, 100% incapable of digesting anything. I thought that any calorie that remained in my stomach would instantaneously end up on my butt. I honestly believed that I had done irreparable damage to my stomach and that if I ended my bulimic actions, I would be stuck eating a diet of lettuce for eternity. What did I discover during my recovery? That this belief simply wasn’t true. My body could handle digesting food... And, your body can handle digesting food too... I promise. This is so important to understand at the beginning of your bulimia recovery journey... Why? Because your body will thank you for feeding it by reducing your binge urges. Your body will think... Hmm... maybe I don’t need to eat mindlessly to the point of popping... Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get truly fed from time to time. Depriving yourself of food is one of the biggest triggers for bulimia. I remember starting off many days thinking: “I’m only going to eat fruit so that I won’t feel guilty and I won’t purge”... Guess what... On every single one of these days I would end up falling into an unstoppable binge followed by the inevitable purge. On a conscious level I knew my binging was crazy... But, on a sub-conscious level - it made sense to my body... “Eat as much as you can now - because chances are - she’s either going to a) Throw most of it up or b) Not eat again for ages” On a sub-conscious level I was being instructed to EAT. EAT. EAT. There is only one way to break this cycle and reduce binge urges... Page 38
You need to give your body what it wants - food. It will take a while - even as long as 6 months - for you to know intuitively what your body truly wants... So, until then I will teach you a simple trick that has helped many bulimia sufferers - including me - end their binge urges... Structured Eating To End Binge Urges Structured eating basically means planning and organizing your meals and snacks. During your bulimia recovery, planning 3 meals and 3 snacks a day is perfect. This means you get to eat every 2.5 to 3 hours. Structured eating helped end my binge urges because whenever I felt the urge to eat - I always knew that a meal or snack wasn’t far off. And then, when the time arrived to eat, I knew that I had a planned snack or meal which I had already prepared. I’d eat it slowly and savour it. If I felt the temptation to binge, I’d remind myself that in another 2 hours I could have some more food... After a while, my body began to believe me - and in return, the binge urges became less and less frequent. Of course structured eating didn’t work perfectly right away - as with everything - it takes practice... But, as an overall strategy to reduce binge urges - it worked amazingly well. Here’s a sample of the eating times and menu that I used:
08.00am - breakfast - Cooked apple, raisins & banana with nuts & cream 10.30am - snack - muesli bar and a piece of fruit 01.00pm - lunch - tuna, salad and avocado 03.30pm - snack - pumpkin soup and a small bun 06.00pm - dinner - roast chicken with steamed vegetables & a potato 08.30pm - snack - a cup of tea and a biscuit
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You might feel like this is too much food for you to possibly digest - but remember, food is your friend. Your body can handle food! Whenever you are eating, or stressing yourself out about food - remind yourself of this... Say it over and over again “FOOD IS MY FRIEND - I CAN HANDLE FOOD” Eating - and digesting - will do wonders for your body and mind. And, don’t worry about your weight... Structured eating will eventually help you stabilize at a healthy and natural weight. You may gain a few kg’s during this phase of your recovery - but most of it is water... Some people have even commented that they lost weight from structured eating because the calories they were digesting during their binges far outweighed the calories from their structured eating. Myself - I gained 3 kg’s... but, it’s the best trade I’ve ever made in my life! Have a go at structure eating - what have you got to lose? Be persistent and you’ll find it could change your life.
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Structured Eating: Worksheet
Give your best shot at following structured eating for 1 week... You might not do it perfectly right away - that’s okay - at least you’re giving it a go... On the table below, plan out your meals and snacks for tomorrow. It’s important that you allow yourself a healthy quantity of food... Don’t try to diet - remember, this is about getting healthy! You can plan your meals using a calorie guide if it makes you feel more comfortable, but make sure you have around 1800-2000 calories per day. Copy this meal planner into your food diary/notebook and repeat it every day during the week. Feel free to modify the times to suit your day - but try to keep it to around 3 hours between eating. Try your very best not to miss any meals and snacks - even if you binged earlier in the day. This is all about getting a routine in place for your mind.
(check once eaten)
08.00am - breakfast: 10.30am - snack: 01.00pm - lunch: 03.30pm - snack: 06.00pm - dinner: 08.30pm - snack:
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“I don’t believe you can put a price on what bulimia recovery is worth - so consider making the investment in yourself by getting professional help...”
Additional Help.... Counselling or Therapy
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think therapy was helpful in bulimia recovery... I think that a good therapist can do wonders - and can definitely make the bulimia recovery process much easier. My therapist - Amanda - worked at my university medical center. I didn’t have to pay a cent for her services. But - in hindsight - even if it had been $100 per session - I would have made the investment. She taught me many of the self help techniques I’ve shared in this book. Techniques which lead to my recovery and helped me beat bulimia for good. I don’t believe you can put a price on what bulimia recovery is worth - so consider making the investment in yourself by getting professional help... But, be fussy...
Picking the Right Therapist
Therapist A might not be as good as therapist B... So, if you don’t get a good vibe during your first few appointments - don’t feel shy to try somebody else. Keep going until you find somebody who makes you feel at ease. BUT, all the therapy in the world won’t make a different if you don’t really want to recover... First you need to look deep within yourself and ask the questions “Am I ready to live a life without bulimia?” “Am I ready to let go?” “Am I ready to find health, happiness and self acceptance?” If you answered yes - then congratulations - you now know the steps to take... It’s just a matter of persistently putting them into practice... It’s a matter of making the commitment to yourself... Because you truly do deserve it.
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“You might be thinking... “I’m different. My case is really bad - I’m beyond help!” Trust me, I felt as hopeless as a cat trying to catch it’s shadow. I was throwing up 15+ times a day (on a good day!)... But I pulled through. You and me, we are no different. I recovered and so can you.”
A Message From Shaye
It’s hard to believe that it’s been over 5 years since I recovered from bulimia... I’d be lying if I said that I never looked in the mirror and wished away little areas of fat... But those are passing thoughts now. They don’t rule my mind. They don’t drive me to the toilet (or to the shower, or to the back garden, or to the tupperware under my bed!) I accept them and release them. Then I remember how amazing life is because I am healthy and happy. Life is wonderful because I am free from bulimia... :) ...and you can be free too! You can heal - You can recover - You can write your own future! You might be thinking... “I’m different. My case is really bad - I’m beyond help!” Trust me, I felt as hopeless as a cat trying to catch it’s shadow. I was throwing up 15+ times a day (on a good day!)... But I pulled through. You and me, we are no different. I recovered and so can you. I truly hope that the information I’ve shared in this e-book gives you confidence that you can beat bulimia. I pray that it gives you the direction you need to take baby steps that lead to your recovery. Please, if you have any questions or need any advice, drop me a message on my website. Stay strong. Shaye www.your-bulimia-recovery.com
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SAVE A FRIENDS LIFE
1 in 10 Women Will Suffer
From Bulimia at Some Point
in Their Lives...
I have 200 female friends on facebook. That means 20 of them are affected by bulimia. How many of your friends are suffering in secret? Click here to “Recommend” these recovery steps on facebook and possibly save a life.
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