June 2011 Costambar Monthly
Content
June 2011
COSTAMBAR GOES UPSCALE!
- Till death do you part - or not! Page 5 - CM explains the birds & bees! - CM’s tips to relieve boredom! Page 12 - Proud to be a Costambarian! Page 13 - CM discovers why Costambar is empty!
Photo courtesy of Gilles Durand
The small North Coast community of Costambar has proven it truly has its finger on the pulse of the upscale traveler. Infinity pools, chauffeur driven golf carts, sparkly gold wrist bands, etc. - all very nice indeed but are these the things that truly matter? When it comes to really making someone feel like a VIP Costambar’s motoconcho drivers have it all figured out. That’s why they’ve started their new luxury moto service. You and your companions can now travel in true comfort on the new ‘couch-concho’. Traveling alone? Then stretch out and take a nap! Coming soon - the addition of flat screen TV’s! Watch this space for news on the launch of the ‘couch potato concho’!
Yennys Market Supermercado Tropical Loase Resort Sam’s Bar & Grill The Catamaran Bar Pascual Fast Food Los Tres Cocos Happy Hippo/Pink Elephant
What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!
see how they produce natural water with all the minerals? Call 809-970-3300 for more information and to find out how you can get this healthier water delivered to your door. Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Like Australian Lamb, Imperial Duck Breast or French Lamb Rack - just to name a few. Closing for vacation from June 22 to July 20. Call 809-993-4503 for details. Loase Resort is available for weddings, birthdays, spiritual or self improvement groups. Look for classes in meditation and yoga or workout with racquetball, handball or wallyball. Wireless internet, big screen movies and concerts. Sam’s Bar & Grill still serves a great value breakfast and quite possibly the best Fish ‘N’ Chips in the world! Check the chalkboard for daily specials! This month special events every Saturday night! On Saturday June 4th it’s the Mystery Eating Contest! Be afraid! Be very afraid! The place for good food, good friends and good fun! At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you’ll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Every Tuesday they are having Bohemian Nights with live music starting at 7pm. They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Like they say - your trash could be someone else’s treasure! Pascual’s Fast Food on Costambar Beach specializes in seafood from their live lobster tank. Also available for parties and events! Rick’s Cafe in Atlantic One has changed their hours for the summer. They are now open 9am4pm with Happy Hour 2pm-4pm. Offering light breakfasts, tasty pasta dishes and fresh sandwiches. The Happy Hippo/Pink Elephant presents live music with Juan Melquisedec P. “Melky” and BBQ food from 3-6pm on Sunday June 5th. Why not check out Agua Zohreh, the new water company just outside Costambar entrance, and
Happy Hour at Rick’s Cafe 2-4pm Bohemian Night with Live Music at The Catamaran from 7pm Special Events at Sam’s Bar & Grill Mystery Eating Contest at Sam’s Bar staring 7:45pm Live Music with Melky at The Happy Hippo from 3-6pm. BBQ food available. Los Tres Cocos closes for vacation until July 20 Corpus Cristi Holiday
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of typhoid in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
SAVE OUR PLANET! IT’S THE ONLY ONE WITH BEER!
LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBAR’S NEW FLEA MARKET AT THE FOR SALE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST Miller Thunderbolt 225 AC/DC welding machine for 20,000 pesos. Hardly used and in perfect condition. Con- SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!! tact Jan on 829-962-9690
CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE Really big refrigerator with freezer: 11,000 RD Big aquarium (good for lobster) 5,000 RD Electrical water heater: 1,500 RD Propane Gas refrigerator: 10,000 RD email: [email protected] tel:809 320 1441 FOR SALE Custom made wooden picture frames complete with stretchers and hanging wire...approx 32x41 1200 pesos Oster toaster oven, large size. Could easily hold medium size Chicken. 1500 pesos. Call 809-320-1087 FOR SALE Trace Deep Cycle T105 Batteries For Sale , 2000 pesos each, Viewable in Costambar Tel: 809 970 3287 or 809 649 0345: email: [email protected] FOR SALE Nissan Van 2000, 8 passengers, Diesel, economical Reduced price: 105,000 pesos email: [email protected] tel:809 320 1441 FOR SALE BBQ, custom made, heavy duty. Call 829-962-9690 FOR SALE 33foot sailboat, Glander Tavana class yawl, good condition/ minor work needed, less than 1500 hours on new 20 horse Kuboto engine and trans. A MUST SEE! Located in Luperon bay. Call Sean @ (808) 782-2534. Any reasonable offer accepted. FOR SALE Casio stainless steel mans watch. Many functions and moon phase /tide graph Brand new in box RD$1,500 Call 809-449-1819 FOR SALE One on demand hot water shower with hose. Comes with 50 feet of electical wire and 50 amp fuse all you need for a hot shower when ever there is eletricity. cost over 2000 peso's and is only 3 months old 1200 peso's or best offer. Call Tom at 829-934-4619 FOR SALE LG 20 inch TV Multi-voltage, multi-system. Good condition. RD$4,000 Call 809-449-1819
FOR SALE 1 whirlpool air conditioner (floor unit) 12,000 BTU. This unit is like new, used for 1 month. Has two remotes, instructions and window kit. $450.00. Also: 1 sharp carousel microwave. Asking $135.00 You may call at 809-261-5336 to get more information. FOR SALE Pool/Jacuzzi Heater. StaRite 400K BTU Maxi-Therm propane heater. Recently rebuilt and overhauled including a new heat exchanger that cost $RD40,000. Cost new was $RD130,000. Asking $RD75,000 OBO. This is a real bargain! Please call 809-970-3268 Costambar FOR SALE Triplite Automatic Inverter/Charger 1000 watts,12 volt reconditioned 5500 pesos: 2.5 kwatt 24 volt inverter 12600 pesos. Viewable in Costambar, tel: 8099703287 or 8096490345. FOR SALE One (1) laser printer brand new. Made: Bother. Model: HL-2040 Black/white. Asking 5000 pesos. One (1) CombBind System also brand new. Made: GBC Model: C110. Asking 4500. pesos. Email [email protected]
Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing [email protected] Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820
PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.
COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
PLEASE NOTE - No new ads or changes will be accepted within 4 days of the end of the month.
Contact Us Tel: 809-970-7507 Cell: 809-449-1820 Email: costambarmonthly @yahoo.ca
Apartments for Rent Long and Short Term Special Offers Available For Long Term Rentals! Just ask Max!
Office 809-970-7312 Cell 809-251-8679 Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com
FOR SALE
Cancel your credit card before you die. This is so priceless, and, so easy to see happening - customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and the bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to the bank. Here is the exchange : Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.' Bank : 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member: 'Maybe you should turn it over to collections.' Bank : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.' Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' Bank : 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, Maybe both!' Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' Bank : 'Excuse me?' Family Member:'Did you just get what I was telling you the part about her being f***ing dead?' Bank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.' Bank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?' Bank : (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?' Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given) Bank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?' Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given) After they get the fax : Bank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.' Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.' Bank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.' Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?' Bank : 'That might help....' Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.' Bank : 'Sir, that's a cemetery!' Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your f***in' planet???' (Priceless!!) And you wondered why banks needed help!
A Newfie goes down to the Grand Bank wharf looking for work and comes up to the captain of a fishing boat and says,'Hey Capt'n got any work fer me?' The captain gives him a 28 page job application and says 'Fill this out and bring it back to me'. So two days later the Newfie brings it back and gives it to the Captain. The captain takes a quick look at it and says 'OK, you're hired, now go on board and find something to do.' Just then, this Japanese guy comes up to the captain and says, 'Lookie wok, need wok.' The captain tells him 'OK you're hired.' The Newfie is standing right there and asks the captain 'Hey, you made me fill out a 28 page job application and you just hired this guy like that, Why?" Captain replies 'He's got an honest face. The Newfie sighs and walks onto the boat, all upset. A few days later, they're out to sea and the Newfie is up in the crow's nest looking for icebergs and the Japanese guy is down on the deck mopping. Just then, this great big wave comes along and washes the Japanese guy overboard. The Newfie gets down out of the crow's nest and walks into the Captain's' office and says: "Remember that Japanese guy you hired with the honest face? "Well, he just buggered off with your mop !"
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
NEW IN PUERTO PLATA!
Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Songs in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs 809-204-4172 Email [email protected]
Fast & Economical! Great Results! Complete Cleaning Inside & Out!
Carretera Manolo Tavarez Justo Puerto Plata (Across from Texaco)
I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
Results of recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. *This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.* The 2nd. kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. *This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.* The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. *This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.* The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. *This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say, 'screw you.'* The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. *Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night*. (Very Popular) The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. *This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone*. And last but not least. The 7th kind of sex is called Old Age Pension Sex. *You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself*
VIVERO!!!
Open to the Public
All Types of Palms, Flowering & Foliage Plants Landscaping & Garden Maintenance Services Available BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST
PLANT
A Scotsman moves to Canada and attends his first baseball game. The first batter approaches the batters' box, takes Open Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm a few swings and then hits a double. Everyone is on their feet screaming "Run" And By Appointment The next batter hits a single. The Scotsman listens Call George (Lettuce) as the crowd again cheers "RUN RUN". The Scots809-543-8041 man is enjoying the game and begins screaming with the fans. Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert The fifth batter comes up and four balls go by. The (In front of PARADA DINAMICA) Umpire calls: "Walk." “Just past the fish places” The batter starts his slow trot to first base. The Scot stands up and screams, "Run ye lazy bastard, Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream RRUNN!" 'racism' these days. The people around him begin laughing. EmbarA customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the rassed, the Scot sits back down. A friendly fan Irish sausage?" notes the man's embarrassment, leans over and The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" explains, "He can't run -- he's got four balls." The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let The Scot stands up and screams: "Walk with pride, me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian Laddie!" sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had Located on the Entrance Road to Costambar asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Working with Steel, Stainless Steel Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I & Aluminum was Polish?" New Fabrications and Repairs The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't." We are also Mobile! The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for PLEASE NOTE WE ARE ON VACATION Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?" FOR ONE MONTH STARTING JUNE 3 The assistant replied, "Because you're in Home CALL JAN NIELSEN @ 829-962-9690 Depot."
NIELSEN WELDING & FABRICATION
OR EMAIL [email protected]
Dyslexics Have More Nuf. www.costambarmonthly.com
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
"Your SMILE is the #1 Facial Feature that People Remember about YOU !" Look Younger with a WHITER, BRIGHTER Smile !
Denise Perrier, RDH, Certified Wavelight Technician
· · · ·
Non-Invasive Whitening System From Canada 2 to 8 Shades lighter Minimal to no sensitivity Results in just 20 minutes !
Convenient Appointment Times Available. CALL TODAY!
Reserve in English: 829-274-6898 Reservas en Espanol: 809-586-3501
Sonrisas Dental Clinic, 93 Pedro Clisante, Puerto Plata
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!' 'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!' 'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!' So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always run in the nude?' one asked. 'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!' Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?' 'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!' Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?' 'Nope........just when it's raining.'
Order Your Health Insurance Now!
NEW ES! RAT
RD$770 Includes Dental (with Drugs RD$960)
FOR DETAILED INFORMATION
www.costambarmonthly.com
SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 14
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.
90’s SONGS
12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49
CNN FOX SPORT BOOMERANG ABC NBC CBS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO
51 56 57 64 66 69 70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85
CINE CANAL SPEED ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD DISCOVERY KIDS WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE
Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy
809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607
A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up, moves to an empty seat in the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watching her do this asks to see her ticket. She tells the blonde that she has paid for an economy class seat and that she will have to sit in the back and not in First Class. The blonde replies: "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here." The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo who has moved to First Class, belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The Co-Pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy Class she will have to return to her seat. The blonde replies: "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here." The Co-Pilot returns and tells the pilot that he should probably have the police waiting to arrest this blonde woman who will not obey instructions or listen to reason. The Pilot says, "You said she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She looks somewhat startled and says, "Oh" She then gets up and moves back to Economy Class. The flight attendant and Co-Pilot are amazed. "What on earth did you whisper to her to get her to move with no argument?" I told her, "First Class isn't going to Houston."
GOT A SMALL BUSINESS? NEED MORE EXPOSURE? COSTAMBAR MONTHLY BUSINESS CARD DIRECTORY CAN GET YOU THAT EXPOSURE BREAKING THE BUDGET!
Goodbye Fruit Flies To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2 full with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever! Handy now that mango season is here!
Very Reasonable Rates at Your Home Obedience Training, Problem Solving & Behaviour Training Canadian Trained Have been training dogs for 5 years English speaking with a little Spanish
DOG TRAINING AVAILABLE
Please Call Thomas at 829-934-4619
YENNY’S MARKET
Everything You Need At Good Prices!
Open 8:00am to 9:30pm daily Calle Principal, Costambar Tel: 809-970-3028
Bruce Van Sant takes you away but always brings you back to Puerto Plata - the place he’s called home for 30 years. Sixty-four true stories culled from his sailing log books. Available from ThornlessPath.com & Amazon.com - also available in ebook format. #1 on Costambar Monthly’s Bestsellers List (if they had one!)
PAINTER DAVE
Quality Painting In the Puerto Plata Area
829-632-3152
COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
THE BEST VALUE FOR YOUR ADVERTISING PESO!
Contact Us Tel: 809-970-7507 Cell: 809-449-1820 Email: costambarmonthly @yahoo.ca
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
CLEAR FIBERGLASS 33-LB PROPANE CYLINDER TANK
Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel and don't rust! $320.00 new in US Now only 2450 pesos Call Colin 809-449-1819
STAINLESS STEEL SWAGE FITTINGS AND LIFELINES
AT U$ PRICES! DELIVERED IN A WEEK! FOR MORE INFO CALL COLIN 809-449-1819
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'in.' 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your cheques, write ' for sex' 7. Finish all your sentences with 'in accordance with the prophecy.' 8. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 9. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go.' 10. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 11. Days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you’re not in the mood. 12. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won! I won!' 13. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling 'run for your lives, they're loose!!' 14. Tell your children over dinner. 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'
Trying to Sell Your Boat? Why Not Get More Exposure By Advertising It In Costambar Monthly!
L U P E R O N
Wish someone had told me this years ago. This has been my problem all along! The shampoo that I have been using in the shower runs down my body when I rinse it out of my hair, and it clearly states on the bottle "for extra volume and body." I am going to have to switch and start using Dawn dish soap. The bottle clearly states "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
AVAILABLE FOR Weddings, Birthdays, Self Improvement Or Church Groups. We cater or bring your own food. Ask about special rates for charitable events. A beautiful, tranquil, private and controlled setting.
LOOK FOR CLASSES IN Meditation and Yoga. Come work out with Raquetball, Handball and Wallyball. Wireless Internet Big Screen Movies and Concerts
Call Jose for Info 809-837-6845 or 809-970-7861
www.loase.com [email protected]
Loase Villa
LUXURY VILLA RENTAL AT CASA LOASE BY THE WEEK www.casaloase.com
AN OPEN LETTER TO COSTAMBAR Dear Costambar: Over 20 years ago I found Costambar and knew I’d found home. I’ve loved it here warts and all actually probably because of the warts! And you keep proving to me why. Recently a good friend was hit by a motoconcho and seriously injured. Blood was needed. And Costambar kicked into action. Emails were sent, phone calls were made, posts were put up on Facebook, rides were offered. And enough blood was found. Because that’s what Costambar does. That’s what Costambar is. We may not always like each other. We may squabble. We may complain. We may not even know you. But you are one of us and we’ll always have your back. And no, it isn’t the first time. It’s every time. And it’s not always a medical emergency. It can be anything. Even something as simple as tea and sympathy and a shoulder to cry on. A couch to sleep on. The use of a shower. The lend of a generator. Costambar is a crazy, mixed up place with all kinds of wild and wonderful characters with strong opinions and interesting quirks. And it’s gloriously imperfect. And it’s all of this that makes it a place where spontaneous acts of kindness and generosity happen. Costambar has the whole ‘pay it forward’ thing nailed. So Costambar, no matter what anybody says, don’t change. We love you just the way you are!
EN OP AYS D 7 TI L L 8 TE LA
@ Hotel Castilla
Jose del Carmen Ariza #34, PuertoPlata 829-246-7525 or 829-426-0201 [email protected] [email protected]
GOOD FOOD!! GOOD FRIENDS!! GOOD FUN!!
Mystery Eating Contest Starting 7:45pm
DAILY & WEEKLY SPECIALS! CHECK THE CHALKBOARD!
Photos courtesy of Photo Mike at [email protected]
A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, 'Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.' As he finished his sentence, heturned to & find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.' The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?' ' Canada , sir,' the boy replied. 'Well, why did you leave Canada ?' the manager asked. The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there.' 'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Canada.' 'No kiddin’?' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for?'
FEELIN’ HOT HOT HOT!
Sam’s Bar & Grill held a ‘Hot Wing Eating Contest’ and it seems there was no shortage of willing fire-eaters. And there was even more willing to watch the masochistic participants. Even our favourite Vikings didn’t ‘dane’ to participate! In fact, Costambarians may recognize a number of familiar faces in the crowd. Guess we now know what it takes to get a good crowd - hot wings, cold Grandes and a group of crazy people willing to scorch their tastebuds - and more!
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
PASCUAL FAST FOOD PLAYA COSTAMBAR
Specializing in Live Lobsters & Seafood Sandwiches & Dominican Food
Open Daily 9am to 7pm
For Parties, Events & Reservations Call 829-464-4071
COOL PRODUCT OF THE MONTH!
Finally! A cell phone for seniors
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you!
BEGINNER
INTERMEDIATE
HIDDEN MESSAGE
My Heart Will Go on
Two businessmen in Sydney were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop... As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling @rse-holes." Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well... Only two left." Pensioners -- don't mess with them!!!!!! They maybe old but they are not stupid.
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES
COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a religious healing program on TV. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed, to put one hand on the TV and the other on the body part they wanted healed. Grandma hobbled to the TV and put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic hip. Grandpa made his way to the set and put one hand on the TV and the other on his crotch. Grandma looked at him with disgust: "You just don't understand, you old coot. The purpose of this program is to heal the sick, not raise the dead!!
EVERY TUESDAY NIGHT
Starting at 7pm-ish
FLEA MARKET!!!
EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH Starting at 10am FREE TO VENDORS!!!
Bohemian Night with Live Music!
Light Breakfasts Tasty Pasta Dishes Fresh Sandwiches
New Hours 9am-4pm Happy Hour From 2pm-4pm
Calle Anacaona Costambar Puerto Plata For more info 809-970-7245
WHEN WORD OF MOUTH JUST ISN’T ENOUGH
COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
CAN BRING NEW TRAFFIC THROUGH YOUR DOOR & REMIND OTHERS THAT YOU ARE STILL THERE!
FOR MORE THAN JUST CLEAN WATER - LOOK FOR THIS LABEL!
COSTAMBAR GOES UPSCALE!
- Till death do you part - or not! Page 5 - CM explains the birds & bees! - CM’s tips to relieve boredom! Page 12 - Proud to be a Costambarian! Page 13 - CM discovers why Costambar is empty!
Photo courtesy of Gilles Durand
The small North Coast community of Costambar has proven it truly has its finger on the pulse of the upscale traveler. Infinity pools, chauffeur driven golf carts, sparkly gold wrist bands, etc. - all very nice indeed but are these the things that truly matter? When it comes to really making someone feel like a VIP Costambar’s motoconcho drivers have it all figured out. That’s why they’ve started their new luxury moto service. You and your companions can now travel in true comfort on the new ‘couch-concho’. Traveling alone? Then stretch out and take a nap! Coming soon - the addition of flat screen TV’s! Watch this space for news on the launch of the ‘couch potato concho’!
Yennys Market Supermercado Tropical Loase Resort Sam’s Bar & Grill The Catamaran Bar Pascual Fast Food Los Tres Cocos Happy Hippo/Pink Elephant
What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!
see how they produce natural water with all the minerals? Call 809-970-3300 for more information and to find out how you can get this healthier water delivered to your door. Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Like Australian Lamb, Imperial Duck Breast or French Lamb Rack - just to name a few. Closing for vacation from June 22 to July 20. Call 809-993-4503 for details. Loase Resort is available for weddings, birthdays, spiritual or self improvement groups. Look for classes in meditation and yoga or workout with racquetball, handball or wallyball. Wireless internet, big screen movies and concerts. Sam’s Bar & Grill still serves a great value breakfast and quite possibly the best Fish ‘N’ Chips in the world! Check the chalkboard for daily specials! This month special events every Saturday night! On Saturday June 4th it’s the Mystery Eating Contest! Be afraid! Be very afraid! The place for good food, good friends and good fun! At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you’ll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Every Tuesday they are having Bohemian Nights with live music starting at 7pm. They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Like they say - your trash could be someone else’s treasure! Pascual’s Fast Food on Costambar Beach specializes in seafood from their live lobster tank. Also available for parties and events! Rick’s Cafe in Atlantic One has changed their hours for the summer. They are now open 9am4pm with Happy Hour 2pm-4pm. Offering light breakfasts, tasty pasta dishes and fresh sandwiches. The Happy Hippo/Pink Elephant presents live music with Juan Melquisedec P. “Melky” and BBQ food from 3-6pm on Sunday June 5th. Why not check out Agua Zohreh, the new water company just outside Costambar entrance, and
Happy Hour at Rick’s Cafe 2-4pm Bohemian Night with Live Music at The Catamaran from 7pm Special Events at Sam’s Bar & Grill Mystery Eating Contest at Sam’s Bar staring 7:45pm Live Music with Melky at The Happy Hippo from 3-6pm. BBQ food available. Los Tres Cocos closes for vacation until July 20 Corpus Cristi Holiday
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of typhoid in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
SAVE OUR PLANET! IT’S THE ONLY ONE WITH BEER!
LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBAR’S NEW FLEA MARKET AT THE FOR SALE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST Miller Thunderbolt 225 AC/DC welding machine for 20,000 pesos. Hardly used and in perfect condition. Con- SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!! tact Jan on 829-962-9690
CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE Really big refrigerator with freezer: 11,000 RD Big aquarium (good for lobster) 5,000 RD Electrical water heater: 1,500 RD Propane Gas refrigerator: 10,000 RD email: [email protected] tel:809 320 1441 FOR SALE Custom made wooden picture frames complete with stretchers and hanging wire...approx 32x41 1200 pesos Oster toaster oven, large size. Could easily hold medium size Chicken. 1500 pesos. Call 809-320-1087 FOR SALE Trace Deep Cycle T105 Batteries For Sale , 2000 pesos each, Viewable in Costambar Tel: 809 970 3287 or 809 649 0345: email: [email protected] FOR SALE Nissan Van 2000, 8 passengers, Diesel, economical Reduced price: 105,000 pesos email: [email protected] tel:809 320 1441 FOR SALE BBQ, custom made, heavy duty. Call 829-962-9690 FOR SALE 33foot sailboat, Glander Tavana class yawl, good condition/ minor work needed, less than 1500 hours on new 20 horse Kuboto engine and trans. A MUST SEE! Located in Luperon bay. Call Sean @ (808) 782-2534. Any reasonable offer accepted. FOR SALE Casio stainless steel mans watch. Many functions and moon phase /tide graph Brand new in box RD$1,500 Call 809-449-1819 FOR SALE One on demand hot water shower with hose. Comes with 50 feet of electical wire and 50 amp fuse all you need for a hot shower when ever there is eletricity. cost over 2000 peso's and is only 3 months old 1200 peso's or best offer. Call Tom at 829-934-4619 FOR SALE LG 20 inch TV Multi-voltage, multi-system. Good condition. RD$4,000 Call 809-449-1819
FOR SALE 1 whirlpool air conditioner (floor unit) 12,000 BTU. This unit is like new, used for 1 month. Has two remotes, instructions and window kit. $450.00. Also: 1 sharp carousel microwave. Asking $135.00 You may call at 809-261-5336 to get more information. FOR SALE Pool/Jacuzzi Heater. StaRite 400K BTU Maxi-Therm propane heater. Recently rebuilt and overhauled including a new heat exchanger that cost $RD40,000. Cost new was $RD130,000. Asking $RD75,000 OBO. This is a real bargain! Please call 809-970-3268 Costambar FOR SALE Triplite Automatic Inverter/Charger 1000 watts,12 volt reconditioned 5500 pesos: 2.5 kwatt 24 volt inverter 12600 pesos. Viewable in Costambar, tel: 8099703287 or 8096490345. FOR SALE One (1) laser printer brand new. Made: Bother. Model: HL-2040 Black/white. Asking 5000 pesos. One (1) CombBind System also brand new. Made: GBC Model: C110. Asking 4500. pesos. Email [email protected]
Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing [email protected] Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820
PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.
COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
PLEASE NOTE - No new ads or changes will be accepted within 4 days of the end of the month.
Contact Us Tel: 809-970-7507 Cell: 809-449-1820 Email: costambarmonthly @yahoo.ca
Apartments for Rent Long and Short Term Special Offers Available For Long Term Rentals! Just ask Max!
Office 809-970-7312 Cell 809-251-8679 Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com
FOR SALE
Cancel your credit card before you die. This is so priceless, and, so easy to see happening - customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and the bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to the bank. Here is the exchange : Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.' Bank : 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member: 'Maybe you should turn it over to collections.' Bank : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.' Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' Bank : 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, Maybe both!' Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' Bank : 'Excuse me?' Family Member:'Did you just get what I was telling you the part about her being f***ing dead?' Bank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.' Bank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?' Bank : (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?' Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given) Bank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?' Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given) After they get the fax : Bank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.' Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.' Bank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.' Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?' Bank : 'That might help....' Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.' Bank : 'Sir, that's a cemetery!' Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your f***in' planet???' (Priceless!!) And you wondered why banks needed help!
A Newfie goes down to the Grand Bank wharf looking for work and comes up to the captain of a fishing boat and says,'Hey Capt'n got any work fer me?' The captain gives him a 28 page job application and says 'Fill this out and bring it back to me'. So two days later the Newfie brings it back and gives it to the Captain. The captain takes a quick look at it and says 'OK, you're hired, now go on board and find something to do.' Just then, this Japanese guy comes up to the captain and says, 'Lookie wok, need wok.' The captain tells him 'OK you're hired.' The Newfie is standing right there and asks the captain 'Hey, you made me fill out a 28 page job application and you just hired this guy like that, Why?" Captain replies 'He's got an honest face. The Newfie sighs and walks onto the boat, all upset. A few days later, they're out to sea and the Newfie is up in the crow's nest looking for icebergs and the Japanese guy is down on the deck mopping. Just then, this great big wave comes along and washes the Japanese guy overboard. The Newfie gets down out of the crow's nest and walks into the Captain's' office and says: "Remember that Japanese guy you hired with the honest face? "Well, he just buggered off with your mop !"
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
NEW IN PUERTO PLATA!
Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Songs in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs 809-204-4172 Email [email protected]
Fast & Economical! Great Results! Complete Cleaning Inside & Out!
Carretera Manolo Tavarez Justo Puerto Plata (Across from Texaco)
I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
Results of recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. *This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.* The 2nd. kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. *This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.* The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. *This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.* The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. *This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say, 'screw you.'* The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. *Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night*. (Very Popular) The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. *This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone*. And last but not least. The 7th kind of sex is called Old Age Pension Sex. *You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself*
VIVERO!!!
Open to the Public
All Types of Palms, Flowering & Foliage Plants Landscaping & Garden Maintenance Services Available BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST
PLANT
A Scotsman moves to Canada and attends his first baseball game. The first batter approaches the batters' box, takes Open Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm a few swings and then hits a double. Everyone is on their feet screaming "Run" And By Appointment The next batter hits a single. The Scotsman listens Call George (Lettuce) as the crowd again cheers "RUN RUN". The Scots809-543-8041 man is enjoying the game and begins screaming with the fans. Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert The fifth batter comes up and four balls go by. The (In front of PARADA DINAMICA) Umpire calls: "Walk." “Just past the fish places” The batter starts his slow trot to first base. The Scot stands up and screams, "Run ye lazy bastard, Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream RRUNN!" 'racism' these days. The people around him begin laughing. EmbarA customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the rassed, the Scot sits back down. A friendly fan Irish sausage?" notes the man's embarrassment, leans over and The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" explains, "He can't run -- he's got four balls." The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let The Scot stands up and screams: "Walk with pride, me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian Laddie!" sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had Located on the Entrance Road to Costambar asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Working with Steel, Stainless Steel Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I & Aluminum was Polish?" New Fabrications and Repairs The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't." We are also Mobile! The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for PLEASE NOTE WE ARE ON VACATION Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?" FOR ONE MONTH STARTING JUNE 3 The assistant replied, "Because you're in Home CALL JAN NIELSEN @ 829-962-9690 Depot."
NIELSEN WELDING & FABRICATION
OR EMAIL [email protected]
Dyslexics Have More Nuf. www.costambarmonthly.com
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
"Your SMILE is the #1 Facial Feature that People Remember about YOU !" Look Younger with a WHITER, BRIGHTER Smile !
Denise Perrier, RDH, Certified Wavelight Technician
· · · ·
Non-Invasive Whitening System From Canada 2 to 8 Shades lighter Minimal to no sensitivity Results in just 20 minutes !
Convenient Appointment Times Available. CALL TODAY!
Reserve in English: 829-274-6898 Reservas en Espanol: 809-586-3501
Sonrisas Dental Clinic, 93 Pedro Clisante, Puerto Plata
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!' 'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!' 'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!' So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always run in the nude?' one asked. 'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!' Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?' 'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!' Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?' 'Nope........just when it's raining.'
Order Your Health Insurance Now!
NEW ES! RAT
RD$770 Includes Dental (with Drugs RD$960)
FOR DETAILED INFORMATION
www.costambarmonthly.com
SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 14
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.
90’s SONGS
12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49
CNN FOX SPORT BOOMERANG ABC NBC CBS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO
51 56 57 64 66 69 70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85
CINE CANAL SPEED ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD DISCOVERY KIDS WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE
Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy
809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607
A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up, moves to an empty seat in the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watching her do this asks to see her ticket. She tells the blonde that she has paid for an economy class seat and that she will have to sit in the back and not in First Class. The blonde replies: "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here." The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo who has moved to First Class, belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The Co-Pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy Class she will have to return to her seat. The blonde replies: "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here." The Co-Pilot returns and tells the pilot that he should probably have the police waiting to arrest this blonde woman who will not obey instructions or listen to reason. The Pilot says, "You said she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She looks somewhat startled and says, "Oh" She then gets up and moves back to Economy Class. The flight attendant and Co-Pilot are amazed. "What on earth did you whisper to her to get her to move with no argument?" I told her, "First Class isn't going to Houston."
GOT A SMALL BUSINESS? NEED MORE EXPOSURE? COSTAMBAR MONTHLY BUSINESS CARD DIRECTORY CAN GET YOU THAT EXPOSURE BREAKING THE BUDGET!
Goodbye Fruit Flies To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2 full with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever! Handy now that mango season is here!
Very Reasonable Rates at Your Home Obedience Training, Problem Solving & Behaviour Training Canadian Trained Have been training dogs for 5 years English speaking with a little Spanish
DOG TRAINING AVAILABLE
Please Call Thomas at 829-934-4619
YENNY’S MARKET
Everything You Need At Good Prices!
Open 8:00am to 9:30pm daily Calle Principal, Costambar Tel: 809-970-3028
Bruce Van Sant takes you away but always brings you back to Puerto Plata - the place he’s called home for 30 years. Sixty-four true stories culled from his sailing log books. Available from ThornlessPath.com & Amazon.com - also available in ebook format. #1 on Costambar Monthly’s Bestsellers List (if they had one!)
PAINTER DAVE
Quality Painting In the Puerto Plata Area
829-632-3152
COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
THE BEST VALUE FOR YOUR ADVERTISING PESO!
Contact Us Tel: 809-970-7507 Cell: 809-449-1820 Email: costambarmonthly @yahoo.ca
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
CLEAR FIBERGLASS 33-LB PROPANE CYLINDER TANK
Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel and don't rust! $320.00 new in US Now only 2450 pesos Call Colin 809-449-1819
STAINLESS STEEL SWAGE FITTINGS AND LIFELINES
AT U$ PRICES! DELIVERED IN A WEEK! FOR MORE INFO CALL COLIN 809-449-1819
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'in.' 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your cheques, write ' for sex' 7. Finish all your sentences with 'in accordance with the prophecy.' 8. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 9. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go.' 10. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 11. Days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you’re not in the mood. 12. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won! I won!' 13. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling 'run for your lives, they're loose!!' 14. Tell your children over dinner. 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'
Trying to Sell Your Boat? Why Not Get More Exposure By Advertising It In Costambar Monthly!
L U P E R O N
Wish someone had told me this years ago. This has been my problem all along! The shampoo that I have been using in the shower runs down my body when I rinse it out of my hair, and it clearly states on the bottle "for extra volume and body." I am going to have to switch and start using Dawn dish soap. The bottle clearly states "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
AVAILABLE FOR Weddings, Birthdays, Self Improvement Or Church Groups. We cater or bring your own food. Ask about special rates for charitable events. A beautiful, tranquil, private and controlled setting.
LOOK FOR CLASSES IN Meditation and Yoga. Come work out with Raquetball, Handball and Wallyball. Wireless Internet Big Screen Movies and Concerts
Call Jose for Info 809-837-6845 or 809-970-7861
www.loase.com [email protected]
Loase Villa
LUXURY VILLA RENTAL AT CASA LOASE BY THE WEEK www.casaloase.com
AN OPEN LETTER TO COSTAMBAR Dear Costambar: Over 20 years ago I found Costambar and knew I’d found home. I’ve loved it here warts and all actually probably because of the warts! And you keep proving to me why. Recently a good friend was hit by a motoconcho and seriously injured. Blood was needed. And Costambar kicked into action. Emails were sent, phone calls were made, posts were put up on Facebook, rides were offered. And enough blood was found. Because that’s what Costambar does. That’s what Costambar is. We may not always like each other. We may squabble. We may complain. We may not even know you. But you are one of us and we’ll always have your back. And no, it isn’t the first time. It’s every time. And it’s not always a medical emergency. It can be anything. Even something as simple as tea and sympathy and a shoulder to cry on. A couch to sleep on. The use of a shower. The lend of a generator. Costambar is a crazy, mixed up place with all kinds of wild and wonderful characters with strong opinions and interesting quirks. And it’s gloriously imperfect. And it’s all of this that makes it a place where spontaneous acts of kindness and generosity happen. Costambar has the whole ‘pay it forward’ thing nailed. So Costambar, no matter what anybody says, don’t change. We love you just the way you are!
EN OP AYS D 7 TI L L 8 TE LA
@ Hotel Castilla
Jose del Carmen Ariza #34, PuertoPlata 829-246-7525 or 829-426-0201 [email protected] [email protected]
GOOD FOOD!! GOOD FRIENDS!! GOOD FUN!!
Mystery Eating Contest Starting 7:45pm
DAILY & WEEKLY SPECIALS! CHECK THE CHALKBOARD!
Photos courtesy of Photo Mike at [email protected]
A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, 'Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.' As he finished his sentence, heturned to & find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.' The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?' ' Canada , sir,' the boy replied. 'Well, why did you leave Canada ?' the manager asked. The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there.' 'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Canada.' 'No kiddin’?' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for?'
FEELIN’ HOT HOT HOT!
Sam’s Bar & Grill held a ‘Hot Wing Eating Contest’ and it seems there was no shortage of willing fire-eaters. And there was even more willing to watch the masochistic participants. Even our favourite Vikings didn’t ‘dane’ to participate! In fact, Costambarians may recognize a number of familiar faces in the crowd. Guess we now know what it takes to get a good crowd - hot wings, cold Grandes and a group of crazy people willing to scorch their tastebuds - and more!
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
PASCUAL FAST FOOD PLAYA COSTAMBAR
Specializing in Live Lobsters & Seafood Sandwiches & Dominican Food
Open Daily 9am to 7pm
For Parties, Events & Reservations Call 829-464-4071
COOL PRODUCT OF THE MONTH!
Finally! A cell phone for seniors
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you!
BEGINNER
INTERMEDIATE
HIDDEN MESSAGE
My Heart Will Go on
Two businessmen in Sydney were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop... As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling @rse-holes." Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well... Only two left." Pensioners -- don't mess with them!!!!!! They maybe old but they are not stupid.
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!
INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES
COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a religious healing program on TV. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed, to put one hand on the TV and the other on the body part they wanted healed. Grandma hobbled to the TV and put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic hip. Grandpa made his way to the set and put one hand on the TV and the other on his crotch. Grandma looked at him with disgust: "You just don't understand, you old coot. The purpose of this program is to heal the sick, not raise the dead!!
EVERY TUESDAY NIGHT
Starting at 7pm-ish
FLEA MARKET!!!
EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH Starting at 10am FREE TO VENDORS!!!
Bohemian Night with Live Music!
Light Breakfasts Tasty Pasta Dishes Fresh Sandwiches
New Hours 9am-4pm Happy Hour From 2pm-4pm
Calle Anacaona Costambar Puerto Plata For more info 809-970-7245
WHEN WORD OF MOUTH JUST ISN’T ENOUGH
COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
CAN BRING NEW TRAFFIC THROUGH YOUR DOOR & REMIND OTHERS THAT YOU ARE STILL THERE!
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