Memories of Tomorrow

Can love really last forever? If you’re reading this, perhaps I’m already dead or at least close to being dead. By that time, I would have been asking my mom to bring Jovi over, so I can see and touch her one last time. I know well that her boyfriend would allow this; considering that in a minute I’ll be gone. I just want to take her in my arms again; to feel the warmth of her body, and to imprint her face which I will take with me to the next life. Yes, there was a point in time that Jonavi de Guzman’s story and mine were intertwined. We would lie awake in our bed, lost in each other’s touch, giggling while talking about our dreams, dreams that are not so far-fetched, attainable, and simple. We would also imagine how our life together would be, how many children would we have, and where we would be living. To this, I had only one answer: LONDON. I don’t know why, and I still don’t, but one thing’s for sure: back then, this was the one place that I knew we could love each other forever. Yeah, we use the word “forever” lots of times, and even though deep inside I knew she wasn’t sure of what it really means, I was happy to know how much she was willing to share with me. I smiled at that. But the sad part was I never really appreciated it fully, and this was one thing that led to another that brings us back where we started: on my deathbed. This is reality, death is in the distance, and I know it’s coming. There’s no way things would be what they once were. Lying here with only the scent of an antiseptic to keep me company, I try with utmost desperation to convince myself that even if our love was true, it would never have lasted. I would just end up dead anyway, so why burden her, right? With this, I breathe a sigh of relief. But at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I turn and ask myself. What if we had it all the way? What if nobody gave up? Would it have been enough to save my life now? I imagine a thousand different scenarios when suddenly I feel a heave on my chest. It’s time; I thought I heard a voice from afar. Breathing tiny hiccups and waiting for the life line to go flat, I would touch her face, that angelic face that I have always cherished. Those lips that was as pink as the roses in wide spring fields, hair that catches the light like a moon in the night and those eyes that always seem to portend a message that pierces my soul. I remember myself saying no to those tearful, pleading eyes; which left me wincing inside. But as I’ve said, there’s nothing more I can do to undo the past. Nothing at present will make any difference. Looking at her like this, I realize that there was so much that we have lost. As I’ve said, Jovi’s story is different from mine now. If hers was the red stripes in the American flag, mine was the unforgiving white ones in between. It strikes me as absurdly stupid considering what we shared in the past, and I haven’t, moreover I know that I will never, fully accept that our love didn’t last and that our relationship didn’t work. I thought I had the right reasons and intensions. But it didn’t work. That’s why I’m here and she’s there. I would always question the wisdom of the

decision I made, the decision that changed the course of our lives. It changed both of us, but not in the same manner. I stepped up while she slid down. But in time she recovered, the transformation very obvious. But she was still the girl I used to know. When I close my eyes, I see exactly the small-town girl who wore jeans and shirt with slippers when we go out on a date out in the river. But when I open them, I see the opposite.

All I can do is cry. Cry for whatever reason. Is it regret? Yes. There is not a single day that passes that I don’t feel regret. If I’d have the chance, I would talk to that man. To that selfish man who made that stupid decision. I would let him look at me, and see to it that he doesn’t make that mistake again. But I can’t, and this dying man is all I have left now. Is it anger? Yes, to myself. Is it pain? I remember the night that I found out that she had found somebody else. It was like my whole dream was shattered into pieces, thrown into the dump with no questions asked. As the tears burned from the back of my head and fell as if they would never stop, I finally realized what they were for --- LOVE. For I know that I have loved Jovi from the first time we met. Moreover, I know that I always will. This love is something rare to find, something that is breath-taking to behold, and too good to be true. I know that my feelings for her will remain even if I die today, that it will live on, just as her heart will go on. I will love Jonavi FOREVER. If you’re reading this, you have to promise that Jonavi gets this. As the doctor, or whoever, pulls the blanket over my face, I want you to get this under my pillow, where I also hid shed the tears. There you will see the agony of someone dying upfront. Yeah, you will see death in my eyes, but inside, you’ll see I’m already dead. Read this, and learn the lesson. Love can really last forever, I tell you. But if you don’t put up something to make it last, it won’t. Tell Jovi that I love her so much, and that I’m so sorry. (doctor shakes head, door opens)