Oliver!

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01 – Overture and Opening Scene (Orchestra)
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE
(The workhouse dining hall. Early evening)

02 – Food, Glorious Food
BOYS
Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live ‘til eighty-four
All we’ll ever get is gruel!
Ev’ry day we say a prayer
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old gruel!
There’s not a crust, not a crumb can we find
Can we beg, can we borrow or cadge
But there’s nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imagine
Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we’re in the mood –
FIRST SOLO BOY
Cold jelly and custard!
ALL
Pease pudding and saveloys!
SECOND SOLO BOY
“What next?” Is the question
ALL
Rich gentlemen have it, boys –
In-dye-gestion!
Food, glorious food!
We’re anxious to try it
Three banquets a day –
Our favourite diet!
Just picture a great big steak –
Fried, roasted or stewed
Oh, food
SECOND SOLO BOY

Wonderful
ALL
Food
THIRD SOLO BOY
Marvellous
ALL
Food, glorious food
Food, glorious food
What is there more handsome?
Gulped, swallowed or chewed
Still worth a king’s ransom
What is it we dream about?
What brings on a sigh?
FIRST SOLO BOY
Piled peaches and cream about
ALL
Six feet high!
Food, glorious food!
Eat right through the menu
Just loosen your belt
Two inches, and then you
Work up a new appetite
In this interlude
Then food
SECOND SOLO BOY
Once again
ALL
Food
THIRD SOLO BOY
Fabulous
ALL
Food, glorious food!
Food, glorious food!
Don’t care what it look like
FIRST SOLO BOY
Burned
THIRD SOLO BOY
Underdone

ALL
Crude
Don’t care what the cook’s like
Just thinking of growing fat
Our senses go reeling
FIRST & SECOND SOLO BOYS
One moment of knowing that
ALL
“Full-up feeling”
Food, glorious food!
What wouldn’t we give for
That extra bit more
That’s all that we live for
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but brood
On food
FIRST SOLO BOY
Magical
ALL
Food
SECOND SOLO BOY
Wonderful
ALL
Food
THIRD SOLO BOY
Marvellous
ALL
Food
FOURTH SOLO BOY
Fabulous
ALL
Food
OLIVER
Beautiful food
ALL
Glorious food

(The “Oliver” theme music begins as Mr. Bumble enters first, walking
solemnly with his brass-topped mace. He is resplendent in a gold braid
lace-trimmed coat, cocked hat and white knee-breeches with buckled
shoes. Widow Corney the workhouse Mistress takes her place beside him.
Two Pauper Assistants enter. Mr. Bumble then strikes the floor twice with
his mace as the boys rise and file past the boiler. They are served with
one ladleful each, and they return to their benches. The music stops.)
MR BUMBLE
For what you are about to receive
May the Lord make you truly thankful
BOYS
Amen
(Mr. Bumble then raises his mace and holds it tantalizingly aloft for
several seconds. All the boys’ eyes are fixed upon it, then he brings it
smartly down, and at this point the boys fall to eating like clockwork
figures. A fast variation on the “Oliver” theme is played during the eating.
The boys soon polish off their gruel and sit awaiting the forthcoming
unprecedented event. Oliver stands up at the far end of the right-hand
bench. He advances towards Mr. Bumble, basin and spoon in hand,
somewhat alarmed at his own temerity.)
OLIVER
Please, sir, I want some more.
(Music starts.)
MR BUMBLE
What?
OLIVER
Please sir, I want some more.
MR BUMBLE
More!

03 – Oliver
WIDOW CORNEY
Catch him!
MR BUMBLE
Snatch him!
WIDOW CORNEY
Hold him!

MR BUMBLE
Scold him!
WIDOW CORNEY
Prounce him! Trounce him!
Pick him up and bounce him!
MR BUMBLE
Wait! Before we put the lad to task
May I be so curious to ask
His name?
BOYS
Oliver
MR BUMBLE & WIDOW CORNEY
Oliver! Oliver!
MR BUMBLE
Never before has a boy wanted more!
MR BUMBLE & WIDOW CORNEY
Oliver! Oliver!
MR BUMBLE
Won’t ask for more
When he knows what’s in store
There’s a dark, thin, winding
Stairway, without any bannister
Which we’ll throw him down, and
Feed him on cockroaches
Served in a canister
ALL
Oliver! Oliver!
MR BUMBLE
What will we do
When he’s turned black and blue?
He will curse the day
Somebody named him…
ALL
O-li-ver!
(Oliver is forced to his knees in front of Mr. Bumble and the boys gather
round him in a mocking circle.)

MR BUMBLE & WIDOW CORNEY
Oliver! Oliver!
MR BUMBLE
Never before has a boy wanted more
MR BUMBLE & WIDOW CORNEY
Oliver! Oliver!
WIDOW CORNEY
Won’t ask for more
When he knows what’s in store
MR BUMBLE
There’s a sooty chimney
Long overdue for a sweeping out
Which we’ll push him up, and
One day next year with the
Rats he’ll be creeping out
ALL
Oliver! Oliver!
MR BUMBLE
What will he do
In this terrible stew?
He will rue the day
Somebody named him…
ALL
O-li-ver!
WIDOW CORNEY
Lock him up! Collect his belongings and bring him back to me when
you’re done. To bed, all of you.

3A – End of Scene (Orchestra)
(Scurry music. Boys ushered off by Pauper Assistants.)

ACT ONE
SCENE TWO
(The Workhouse Parlour, later. Bumble and Widow Corney move towards
Widow’s Parlour.)
MR BUMBLE

Yes, you’re quite right Mrs. Corney. We must get rid of this canker in
our midst. That boy was born to be hung, Mrs. Corney. I’ve never
been so shocked in all my days.
WIDOW CORNEY
Hush, Mr. Bumble, you must have had quite a turn. Sit down and
have a nice cup of tea.
MR BUMBLE
It’s nice to be appreciated, Mrs. Corney, these here paupers in this
here parish don’t appreciate me. Anti-parochial they are, ma’am,
anti-parochial we have given away a matter of twenty loaves and a
cheese-and-a-half this very blessed afternoon, and still, them
paupers is not contented.
WIDOW CORNEY
Of course they’re not. When would they be? Sweet, Mr. Bumble?
MR BUMBLE
Very sweet, indeed, ma’am.
(He sips tea. Spreads his pocket handkerchief over his fat knees, heaves a
deep sigh and looks at cat basket.)
WIDOW CORNEY
You littler tinker, you.
MR BUMBLE
You have a cat ma’am, I see… and kittens too, I declare!
WIDOW CORNEY
I’m so fond of them you can’t imagine, Mr. Bumble. And they’re fond
of their home too.
MR BUMBLE
Mrs. Corney, ma’am. I must say… that any cat… or kitten… that
could live with you ma’am… and not be fond of its home… must be
an idiot, ma’am, and don’t deserve to live in it.
WIDOW CORNEY
Oh, Mr. Bumble!
MR BUMBLE
It’s no use disguising facts ma’am. An idiot! I would drown it myself
– with pleasure!
WIDOW CORNEY
Then you’re a cruel man… a very hard-hearted man and all.

MR BUMBLE
Hard-hearted, Mrs. Corney? Hard? Hard-hearted, ma’am? Are you
hard-hearted, Mrs. Corney?
WIDOW CORNEY
Dear me! What a very curious question coming from a single man.
What can you want to know for?
(Mr. Bumble drinks his tea, wipes his lips and kisses Widow Corney.)
Mr. Bumble, I shall scream!

04 – I Shall Scream
MR BUMBLE
No you wouldn’t, heigh-ho
If I wanted something special, then you couldn’t say “No”
Did I nearly catch you smiling?
Yes I did and it’s beguiling
If your hand is close I’ll press it
Yes, you like it, come confess it
Yes, you do
WIDOW CORNEY
No, I don’t!
MR BUMBLE
Yes, you do!
WIDOW CORNEY
I shall scream! I shall scream!
‘Til they hasten to my rescue, I shall scream
MR BUMBLE
Since there’s nobody that’s near us
Who could see us or could hear us
If I ask you, can I kiss you
Say what will my pretty Miss do?
WIDOW CORNEY
I shall scream, scream, scream!
MR BUMBLE
If I pinch you one pinch
From your shy protective shell can I un-inch you one inch?
Will my blithesome, buxom beauty
Let her suitor do his duty?
Tho’ his lap ain’t very large, dear
Sit upon it, there’s no charge, dear

Will you sit?
WIDOW CORNEY
No I shan’t!
MR BUMBLE
Will you sit?
(She sits upon his lap.)
WIDOW CORNEY
I shall scream! I shall scream!
For the safety of my virtue I shall scream
Tho’ your knee is rather cozy
See my cheeks are getting rosy
You would have me in your pow’r
If I sat here for an hour
MR BUMBLE
I shall scream, scream, scream!
(She gets off his lap.)
WIDOW CORNEY
You’re a naughty, bad man
If you think I can’t be proper, prim and naughty, I can
And you’ll pardon if I mention
You must state your true intention
(Mr. Bumble treads in the cat basket and a caterwaul follows.)
MR BUMBLE
Is there not another room here?
(She nods dissent.)
If there were a bride and groom here
Would there be?
WIDOW CORNEY
Well, there might
MR BUMBLE
We shall see
WIDOW CORNEY
I shall scream! I shall scream!
At the thought of what you’re thinking I shall scream

MR BUMBLE
You will wonder where the scream went
When we come to an agreement
As my lovey-dove is chubby
Could she love a chubby hubby?
WIDOW CORNEY
I shall scream, Mister Bumble
I shall scream
Bumble-wumble
I shall scream, scream, scream!
(Mr. Bumble whistles invitingly. She sits in his lap and they embrace. At
the end of song Pauper Assistants arrive with Oliver who carries a small
bundle.)
ASSISTANT
I’ve brought the boy, ma’am.
(Widow Corney and Bumble nod to each other.)
WIDOW CORNEY
You would. Get a good price for him, Mr. Bumble.

05 – Boy for Sale
MR BUMBLE
One boy
Boy for sale
He’s going cheap
Only seven guineas
That or thereabouts
(On stairs; Mr. Bumble is leading Oliver by a devious rote toward the
undertaker’s.)
Small boy
Rather pale
Through lack of sleep
Feed him gruel dinners
Stop him getting stout
If I should say he wasn’t very greedy
I could not, I’d be telling you a tale
One boy
Boy for sale
Come take a peep
Have you ever seen as

Nice a boy for sale
(Bumble at door to undertakers.)

ACT ONE
SCENE THREE

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