United Kingdom English for the American Novice

United Kingdom English for the American Novice Sixth Edition, July 1983 "English" to "American" Dictionary
The items in this dictionary were collected while I lived in the United Kingdom from 1981 to 1983. The work is no longer maintained and so contains dated references to people of the time. The definitions are my interpretation of explanations from Brits with whom I came in contact and hence may not be complete or even totally accurrate.

The Americans are identical to the British in all respects except, of course, language." Oscar Wilde "Giving English to an American is like giving sex to a child. He knows it's important but he doesn't know what to do with it." Adam Cooper (19th century) "We (the British and Americans) are two countries separated by a common language." G.B. Shaw
The Englishman commented to the American about the "curious" way in which he pronounced so many words, such as schedule (pronounced shedule). The American thought about it for a few moments, then replied, "Perhaps it's because we went to different shools!"

Index
• • • • • • • • ABATTOIR through AUNT SALLY BABY SITTING CIRCLE through BUTTY CALL BOX through CUSTOM DAFT AS A BRUSH through FULL STOP GALLON through LUCKY DIP MACINTOSH through PUSH CHAIR QUEEN ANNE'S DEAD through SWOT TA through ZED BEND

While in the UK I learned that the "English" and "American" languages have less in common than might be supposed. New words can be confusing and their meaning may be lost to you. More troublesome is a word which has a completely different meaning in each language. The problem is that you think you understand. The items found below may cause confusion for one who is conversant in both languages. The word being defined is an "English" word or phrase. The definition is in "American". All English words are entered in capital letters so the reader will not be misled. Mixed case words may be safely interpreted by the American reader. Not all meanings are given for a particular word. English words often have several meanings and only those which differ (from American) are listed here. The pronunciation in American sound phonetics (in parentheses) follows the word being defined. If this is omitted the pronunciation is as an American would expect. English pronunciation of these words is often similar to the American version. However, in general, the English pronunciation is more "clipped" and is said at twice the rate of American. English readers will find there is a definite tilt towards "southern English" in the dictionary. Readers from other parts of the U.K. should not be offended. This merely reflects that most of my sources were from that area.

1

[email protected]

-AABATTOIR n. 1. A slaughter house which processes meat for human consumption. ABBREVIATION Abbreviations form their own subset of a language. Examples of some of the more common abbreviations are given here. AGA (ah-gah) 1. Brand name of a particular type of stove which is often found in farm houses. The stove will use a variety of things as its fuel. An AGA resembles a Franklin wood burning stove. AGM 1. Newspaper headline abbreviation for Annual General Meeting. B&B 1. Bed and Breakfast. Wherever B&B is seen, it means there is a bedroom available for the night, be it only one spare bedroom in a house or ten in an inn. Typical prices in 1982 range from five to ten POUNDS per night. A generous breakfast of cereal, eggs, toast and some type of meat is served in the morning. CWT 1. A HUNDREDWEIGHT. DIY 1. Do It Yourself. TIMBER YARDS would probably have DIY prominently displayed outside. GBH 1. Grievous Bodily Harm. This is police term popular with television shows when they are trying to be realistic. GC 1. Newspaper advertisement abbreviation meaning Good Condition. This is usually in lower case (gc). VGC is used so extensively that when one sees GC, it serves as a warning that the item is probably pretty GROTTY. HGV 1. Heavy Goods Vehicle. HP 1. Standing for HIRE Purchase meaning to buy something in installments. As in, "Everything he has is on H.P." MEP 1. Member of the European Parliament. MOT 1. A form of legalised robbery that works as follows: Every year you are obliged by law to obtain a certificate of roadworthiness (MOT) for your three year old (or older) car. Only a garage is allowed to issue an MOT. A garage will not issue a certified MOT until you agree to various expensive "repairs". If you don't believe that a particular part needs replacement you can always try another garage, but you must pay a fee (five POUNDS) to the first garage in any case. (In all fairness I must admit that I was not charged any pseudo-repair fees when getting my last MOT.) 2. Ministry Of Transport (there is no such ministry now. What was the MOT is now the Department of Transport). MP 1. Member of Parliament. 2. Military Policeman. 3. (now rare) Metropolitan (i.e. London) Policeman. Except where clearly indicated by context, MP normally means (1) above. N.B. 1. Officially in American, but almost never understood, this term means "Nota Bene" (note well). OAP 1. Old Age Pensioner (i.e. a retired person). OFFO 1. Abbreviation for OFF LICENCE (I don't know how they get the last "O" either). ONO 1. Newspaper advertisement abbreviation for Or Nearest Offer. This is usually in lower case (ono).

2

[email protected]

OVNO 1. Newspaper advertisement abbreviation for Or Very Nearest Offer. This is usually in lower case (ovno). P 1. One new PENNY. The term PENNY or its plural, PENCE, is not often heard. One usually refers to the price of something as simply "24 P". This is usually written as a lower case "p". PM 1. The Prime Minister, Margaret (MAGGIE) Thatcher. PTO 1. Please Turn Over, commonly found at the bottom of forms. SOTON 1. Southampton. In an effort to economize and reduce the excessive amount of information on roadsigns, this city's name was abbreviated to SOTON (sometimes lengthened to SO'TON). Since SOTON is a major city in HANTS, the uninitiated will find that seemingly all roads in HANTS lead to SOTON. The UK abounds in such abbreviations such as BERKS = BERKSHIRE (in general 'SHIRE' is shortened to 'S'). Several counties in the UK have been abolished by law but the law has been widely ignored. Hence MIDDX = MIDDLESEX and RUTLAND are still used as names of areas. One of the biggest offenders of this law is the Post Office itself. Letters addressed to MIDDX will arrive (eventually) and those "properly" addressed will be lost! ST 1. SANITARY TOWEL. This is often seen in toilets. VGC 1. Newspaper advertisement abbreviation for Very Good Condition. This is usually in lower case (vgc) and may mean anything from "like new" to "used, but still looks good". WC 1. Some tell me it is "Water Convenience", others "Water Closet". In any case it's a toilet. ADAM'S ALE n. 1. Water. AIRER n. 1. A collapsible outside clothes line apparatus for drying clothes. A CLOTHES HORSE is a kind of drying rack. AIRSCREW n. 1. Propeller. A-LEVELS n. 1. An exam which is the second part of the General Certificate of Education needed in order to attend the university. These are generally taken at age 18. ALLOTMENT n. 1. A vegetable garden plot. These are typically owned by some sort of government authority and citizens may simply apply to use one. As in, "We've an ALLOTMENT over on Garden CLOSE". These are also called "cooperatives". ALLOTMENTS have been available for a very long time. For example, residents of the village of Colden Common, HANTS, could obtain an ALLOTMENT in 1855 for a fee of three POUNDS a year. These same ALLOTMENTS are used today and cost four POUNDS yearly. ALSATIAN n. 1. German shepherd dog. AMBER n. 1. Yellow (when said of traffic lights). In Britain all traffic lights go: Green, AMBER, red, red and AMBER, green. Note: An AMBER GAMBLER is one who is yellow/green color-blind (taken from road safety advertisement). AMERICAN DINNER n. 1. A potluck dinner. ANORAK n. 1. Hooded coat. Parka. APPROVED SCHOOL n. 1. Now known as COMMUNITY SCHOOLS, this is a place where children who are removed from the custody of their parents are brought.

3

[email protected]

ARBROATH SMOKIES n. 1. Haddock which has been smoked over a hardwood fire, as opposed to, for instance, a KIPPER - which is typically herring that have been "kippered" (a salting-and-coldsmoking process). A BLOATER is similar, but is smoked whole and has a more "gamey" taste. ARROWS n. 1. Darts, as in, "How about a game of ARROWS ?". ARTICULATED LORRY n. 1. A semi truck. This is almost always shortened to ARTIC (pronounced ARTICK with the emphasis on the second syllable). ATHLETICS n. 1. Track and field. AUBERGINE (o-ber-jean) n. 1. Eggplant. AUNT SALLY n. 1. A person at a carnival game that you throw sponges etc. at. This is often generalized to be anyone that is commonly castigated or insulted. To quote a BBC radio broadcaster: "Well, you know, the Post Office is everyone's AUNT SALLY". At a local village FETE the HEAD MASTER was an AUNT SALLY in a booth to raise money for the school. The children paid 10P to throw three wet sponges at him. He raised 350 POUNDS.

4

[email protected]

-BBABY SITTING CIRCLE phrase. 1. Baby sitting co-op. This is a group of parents who share baby sitting services between themselves. Various schemes are used to ensure that one only uses as much "service" as one "serves". BAP 1. A soft, round bun, similar to a hamburger bun, or an entire sandwich. As in, "I'll have an 'am and cheese bap please." BALACLAVA n. 1. A ski mask. The term originates from the Battle of Balaclava where the BALACLAVA was invented. BANGERS n. 1. Sausages. A very common meal is BANGERS and MASH (sausages and mashed potatoes). The sausages are called BANGERS because they will burst if you do not pierce them while they are cooking. BANJO n. 1. A garage sale where children's clothes and toys may be found. Note: Only much later did we discover this name is simply a composite of the ladies' names who run the BANJO. It is not a term to be commonly understood by those people outside Colden Common, HANTS. BAR 1. Gambling term used to note those entrants in a competition who all are equally (un)likely to win and are quoted at the same odds. As in, "11:1 BAR". This would mean that all other entries, bar none, are quoted at 11 to 1 odds to win. BARRISTER n. 1. A specialist trial lawyer, who may appear before the higher courts, as opposed to your common garden-variety SOLICITOR, who generally may not. BARRISTERS may not join a firm of other lawyers. They must practice the law completely independently, but may be grouped together to share office expenses such as telephones etc., however, their practices may not overlap in any manner. These restrictions do not apply to SOLICITORS. BARRISTERS cannot tout for business and tradition has it that a BARRISTER is not really employed at all. He offers his services as a gesture, and if, in gratitude, you want to slip him a few SOVEREIGNS as an honorarium, he has, even today, a pocket on the back of his gown into which you may discreetly deposit the cash. BEEFBURGER n. 1. Hamburger. Unlike in the U.S. where now this term might be used to denote a hamburger made from beef and not something else like soybeans or turkey gizzards, the British term does not have this connotation. As in this poem from Ogden Nash,

In mortal combat I am joined With monstrous words wherever coined. 'BEEFBURGER' is a term worth hating, Both fraudulent and infuriating, Contrived to foster the belief That only BEEFBURGERS are made of beef, Implying with shoddy flim and flam That hamburgers are made of ham.
BEETROOT n. 1. A beet. BELISHA BEACON (be-lee-shah bee-con) n. 1. A traffic signal consisting of a yellow sphere with a flashing light and mounted atop a black and white striped pole. This is used to indicate the presence of a ZEBRA, but not a PELICAN. The term is named after Hore Belisha who was the Home Secretary at the time when BELISHA BEACONS were introduced into the U.K.

5

[email protected]

BELL n. 1. Telephone call, as in, "Give us a BELL when you get there." TINKLE may also be used, as in, "Give us a TINKLE". BELTS AND BRACES phrase. 1. To over compensate for something. One may need a belt or BRACES, but both is definitely over doing it. BIFFER n. 1. Person who is fat due to excessive fast food intake. BIFFER is the brand name shown on big DUSTBINS. BILLION n. 1. One trillion. One TRILLION is one thousand BILLION to the British. Because of the difference and confusion, official use of the term has been dropped in favor of "one thousand million" (billion) or "one million million" (BILLION or trillion). BIN n. 1. Waste paper basket. BIRD n. 1. Slang term for a girl or woman. BIRO (bi-row) n. 1. Ball point pen. This was originally a trade name (e.g. BIC). BISCUIT n. 1. Cookie. 2. Cracker, as in, "BISCUITS and cheese". Other types of BISCUITS include BATH OLIVERS, WATER BISCUITS, BOURBONS and DIGESTIVES. BITTER n. 1. Name for a type of English beer. This is served at cellar temperature and is a bit darker than LAGER. It has a slightly "bitter" taste. There are numerous types of BITTER which will vary by PUB and locality. I once read an amusing article -- by an Englishman of course -- on common American misconceptions about England. There was a passage that went roughly as follows: '(A common misconception is) that our beer is sour, flat, and lukewarm. On the contrary our beer is bitter, still, and served with the chill off. It is served that way because that is the way to serve it. There exists a stuff called LAGER so tasteless that it can be cooled without damage and so unsubstantial that a few bubbles make no difference. But we don't drink LAGER, we drink beer.' BLACKBIRD n. 1. A bird QUITE unlike a blackbird. The English love BLACKBIRDS. When N.A.S.A. sprayed blackbirds with detergent, some English bird lovers nearly had apoplexy due to their confusion with BLACKBIRDS. The British love of BLACKBIRDS stems mainly from their suitability for eating (now highly illegal). There are a number of birds which are completely different but bear the same name in both languages. A ROBIN is a grey-brown bird about the size of a house sparrow but having a red breast. BLACK PUDDING n. 1. Not a pudding at all, but rather a form of blood sausage. BLANCMANGE (blah-mahn-je) n. 1. A dessert rather like custard made by mixing a white powder (today this is often fruit flavored) with hot milk. When this cools it solidifies producing a flavored jellolike dessert. It may be eaten warm or after it has cooled. BLOKE n. 1. Guy or fellow, as in, "The BLOKE NICKED me light!".

6

[email protected]

BLOODY HELL (blud-ee-el) Expletive. 1. This blasphemous expression may be used to voice one's incredulity about something just said. This is equivalent to the American phrase "Why, Gosh. Who would have thought!" 2. It may also be used to express disapproval of something said, as in the American phrase "I'm sorry, but I simply cannot agree with you!" It is possible that BLOODY is an elided form of "By Our Lady" or perhaps is derived from "God's Blood". In any case, this was once considered a very strong expletive. Other variations include: RUDDY, BALLY (rhymes with Sally), BLOOMIN', BLIMEY (which is probably derived from "God blind me"), BLEEDIN', and STRUTH ("By God's truth"). BLUE CROSS n. 1. Sign for an animal hospital. BOB n. 1. One SHILLING (now worth 5P). A BOB-A-JOB is a fund raising technique used by the Scouts. One would pay a BOB for each job, hence the name. BOBBY n. 1. Policeman in the UK. They are always impeccably dressed with perfectly creased trousers and shiny black shoes. They are easily identified by their distinctive helmets. The term came from Robert Peel, the "inventor" of the policeman. Other slang terms for the police include BOGEY (sorry Humphrey), OLD BILL and the FILTH. The term ROZZER refers to a police constable. BOB'S YOUR UNCLE phrase. 1. Everything is complete. There is no more to be done. As in, "Set up register 13 and BOB'S YOUR UNCLE". BOFFIN n. 1. A bright but probably eccentric scientist who likely deals in a very unusual area (as a research or think tank scientist). BOILER n. 1. Furnace. Forced air heating systems are rare in the U.K. where hot water systems are almost universally used. Hence the term BOILER actually refers to the boiler to heat the water for the heating system. BOILERS are not as common as you might expect. A recent survey reported that 65 percent of U.K. households now have central heating. BOILER SUIT n. 1. Overalls. See also OVERALLS. BOLLARD n. 1. Any obstruction used to control the flow of traffic, such as traffic islands or posts along the side of the road to prevent one from parking in certain places. 2. The hitching post (on a dock) you tie your yacht or ocean liner to. BOMB adj. 1. Describes something good, as in, "It (a play) went like a BOMB" (smash hit) or "I could go a BOMB on that" (I like/approve that). BOMB has been corrupted somewhat by the American bomb. This may cause confusion to the many British who are familiar with both meanings and therefore may not be certain which is your meaning. BONFIRE NIGHT n. 1. Celebrated every November fifth, this marks an attempt to blow up parliament. Opinions differ whether the celebration is because the attempt was made or because it failed. This is also called Guy Fawkes Night after one of the conspirators. Guy is burned in effigy on a large bonfire while fireworks are set off. This much loved event tends to eclipse Halloween since the two are only a few days apart. Every British child knows this rhyme: Remember, remember the fifth of November Gunpowder, treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.

7

[email protected]

BONKERS adj. 1. Acting crazy or mad. Other variations include CRACKERS, DAFT, BARMY and DOOLALLY (a corruption of the name of a place in India). BONNET n. 1. That part of an automobile which is at the other end from the BOOT. BOOB TUBE n. 1. Slang term for a tank top or knitted sleeve top. This never means TELLY. "The men were all glued to the BOOB TUBE" would raise a completely wrong image to the British. BOOK v. 1. To reserve. The British never reserve a table at a restaurant or a room at an hotel, they always BOOK it: "Do we need to BOOK in advance, do you think?" The term BOOKING means a reservation. BOOT n. 1. That part of an automobile which is at the other end from the BONNET. BORSTAL n. 1. A training school for 16-21 year olds who get into trouble with the law. The intent here is to reduce recidivism by teaching the offender a skill he can use when he gets out. These are now marked for extinction to be replaced by common jails. BOTHER Expletive. 1. Expression used to convey one's frustration over something, as in, "Oh, BOTHER! Why doesn't he find someone else!". BOVRIL n. 1. A beefy flavored drink one might have on a cool evening to warm you up. See MARMITE. BOXING DAY n. 1. A holiday which falls on the day after Christmas (the Feast of St. Stephen). In earlier years the wealthy would put leftover Christmas food in boxes for their servants or the poor. Since the servants probably worked Christmas day, they had the day after Christmas off to enjoy the Christmas leftovers. Traditionally the queen gives a small gift of money to a selected group of OAPs on BOXING DAY. (A gift of an especially minted coin is also given to some OAPs at Easter time. This is called MAUNDY MONEY.) BRACES n. 1. Suspenders. BRANSTON n. 1. Pickle. Also known as a BRANNIE pickle. BREKKIE 1. Breakfast. BRICKIE n. 1. A bricklayer. BROLLY n. 1. Umbrella. BUBBLE AND SQUEAK n. 1. Fried left-over potatoes and greens (with perhaps some onions added for flavor). BUDGERIGAR (budge-er-ee-gar) n. 1. The proper name for what Americans call a parakeet. This is usually called a BUDGIE. BUGGERY n. 1. A legal term describing what male homosexuals do. The term BUGGER (rogue) has the same meaning in both languages. However, booger (things in your nose, BOGEY in the U.K.) may be interpreted as a reference to BUGGERY. A reference to bugger by a child may be a rude shock to a Brit. BUGGY n. 1. A stroller. BUM n. 1. Slightly jocular name for the posterior. BUM is rarely used to mean bum (vagrant).

8

[email protected]

BUNCHES n. 1. Pigtails. BUNCH OF FIVES phrase. 1. Knuckle sandwich. BUNG v. 1. To throw or dump carelessly, as in, "Oh, just BUNG it over there". n. 1. Stopper as in a "rubber BUNG for a test tube". BUNGED UP adj. 1. Suffering from CATARRH and/or constipation. BUNGALOW n. 1. Ranch style house. All rooms are on one level. BUTTON B n. 1. Before 1963 British CALL BOXES had two buttons labelled "A" (pushed when the other party answered and you wished to speak to them) and "B" (used to return your money). A favorite school child source of income was to "PUSH BUTTON B" hoping someone had failed to do this. Hence today, anyone who checks the coin return in a vending machine might be accused of "PUSHING BUTTON B". BUTTY n. 1. Sandwich, as in JAM BUTTIES (jelly sandwiches) or CHIP BUTTIES (French fry sandwiches) both of which are LIVERPUDLIAN (i.e. from the city of Liverpool) in origin.

9

[email protected]

-CCALL BOX n. 1. A public telephone booth. In the U.K. one dials the number first, then when the other party answers the phone, you hear a beeping noise and must insert a 10P coin. Although the volume is loud enough, the phone sounds as if you are speaking from a cave and are standing five feet from the mouthpiece. The British telephone system works on a unit of time basis. The unit is inversely proportional to the distance of the call: the longer the distance, the shorter the unit of time. You must pay 10P for each unit. The means that even "local" calls may require you to use more than 10P for a call. Telephoning from a CALL BOX can be a traumatic experience, especially if you run out of time and must insert more 10P pieces. After you have used up your unit of time, a beeping sound interrupts (this can be heard by both parties). You have approximately five seconds to insert another 10P coin. This requires extraordinary skill and luck. You are almost certain to a) drop the coin or b) be unable to push the coin into the slot. If you should be fortunate enough to insert the coin, a) it will be too late or b) the coin will be rejected. CAMP-ON n. 1. A feature of the IBM 3750 Telephone Exchange System (this is not available in the United States). This following quote from the Hursley Lab Telephone directory will make this term perfectly clear. "If the extension you require is busy, you may attract the user's attention by initiating the CAMP-ON procedure. *Dial 6, you will now hear the CAMP-ON tone briefly. You may wait for your party to answer your request (as in "A" below) or you can hang up, in which case you will be rung back and connected to your party when it is free (as in "B"). Note. If you receive or make a call after initiating this request the CAMP-ON request will be cancelled. "Accept CAMP-ON. When you hear the CAMP-ON tone, you may respond by one of the following: "A. Ask your existing party to hold, then *dial 6; you will be connected to the second caller privately while your original call is held. To return to the first call *dial 4. "B. Hang up after completion of the original call, in which case your phone will ring and be connected automatically to the person trying to contact you." CANDY FLOSS n. 1. Cotton candy. CANTEEN n. 1. Cafeteria. CARAVAN n. 1. Mobile home. 2. Trailer. CAR PARK n. 1. A parking lot. CARAVANETTE n. 1. VW Microbus with a camper. CASUALTY ENTRANCE n. 1. Emergency entrance to a hospital. This could be a very important thing to know someday. CATARRH (cah-tar) n. 1. The mucus produced when you have a head cold.

10

[email protected]

CATS EYES n. 1. The reflectors that are imbedded in the middle of the road to make it easier to see the middle line at night. CENTRAL RESERVATION n. 1. This has nothing to do with Indians or reserving tickets, but rather is the grassy median strip between opposing lanes of traffic on a road. You may see a sign which says "BEWARE SOFT CENTRAL RESERVATION". CHALK AND CHEESE phrase. 1. Two dissimilar things or persons (i.e. "Mutt and Jeff"). As in, "They get along like Chalk and Cheese." CHARLIE n. 1. A derogatory term for someone who acts stupidly, as in, "E's a right CHARLIE." CHASE THE LADY n. 1. The card game "Hearts". CHEERS phrase. 1. Good bye. 2. A typical English drinking toast. 3. Thanks. You may also hear CHEERIO used as "Good bye". WHAT CHEER (pronounced whatcha) is sometimes used as a greeting. This originates in the phrase "WHAT CHEER are you in?" New Zealanders say HOORAY instead of CHEERS. CHEMIST n. 1. Drug store. Like their American counterparts, these stores also sell prescription drugs. This term has a legally defined meaning, a CHEMIST shop must have a resident pharmacist. Shops that don't have a pharmacist must be called "drug stores" etc. CHICORY n. 1. Endives. CHINKY NOSH n. 1. Chinese meal, as in, "We're going to eat CHINKY NOSH tonight". CHIPOLATE n. 1. A sausage-like a wiener. CHIPPIE n. 1. A fish and CHIP shop. If the owners are oriental in appearance, the shop may be called a CHINESE CHIPPIE. At such an establishment you may find HUSS, ROCK or ROCK SALMON all of which mean dogfish. MUSHY PEAS are a near-puree form of boiled peas. 2. A carpenter. CHIPPINGS n. 1. Gravel, as in the roadside sign "Beware of loose CHIPPINGS". CHIPS n. 1. French fries, as in "fish and CHIPS". CHIPS WITH EVERYTHING phrase. 1. Monotony, as in, "I suppose you're pretty tired of this CHIPS WITH EVERYTHING regime.". CHUFFED adv. 1. Happy, as in, "I was really CHUFFED when I got promoted." CIDER n. 1. Not apple juice, but a rather strong alcoholic drink made from apple juice. CINEMA n. 1. Movie theater. This is not to be confused with a THEATRE. CISTERN n. 1. A water tank found in most British houses. It is to be found in the attic, and feeds the hot water heater by gravity. This is why British bathrooms always have separate hot and cold taps (a system unknown in the US since about 1917). The hot and cold water systems operate at different pressures! It may also explain the singular lack of civilized showers in the UK. The reason for separate bathroom taps may have a historical basis. In days of yore, CISTERNS were filled with collected rainwater, and by law, the MAINS water and the CISTERN water could not be allowed to mix.

11

[email protected]

CLADDING n. 1. Siding for a house. CLAPPED OUT adj. 1. Worn out. A old car might be said to be CLAPPED OUT. CLOBBER n. 1. Clothing. Gear. As in, "I don't mind getting his CLOBBER from the cleaners". CLOTTED CREAM n. 1. A cream so thick that you can spread it with your knife. This term is usually used in the South West of England, but the equivalent of CLOTTED CREAM may be found in most places in the U.K. CLOAKROOM n. 1. Toilet. These are seldom heated and are have a universal temperature of 38 degrees F. 2. In theaters and such this means a place to leave coats. Use "lavatory" if that is what you want. CLOCK n. 1. The odometer, as in, "The HIRE car only had 1200 miles on the CLOCK, but it broke down anyway." No one should ever really be confused with this word since the English do not measure time in miles. An odometer may also be called a MILEOMETER. v. 1. To illegally turn a car odometer back. As in, "This car isn't in very good condition for only 22,000 miles. Are you sure it hasn't been CLOCKED." 2. To take note of, as in, a BLOKE who CLOCKS BIRDS. CLOSE (as in "close to", not "close the door") n. 1. Dead end street. One would generally expect that a street named PIPING CLOSE will not go through to another street, but will end in a cul-de-sac or simply dead end. There was an uproar when it was proposed that a small estate of pensioner BUNGALOWS should be called St. Peter's CLOSE! COACH n. 1. Bus. This is distinguished from a BUS which is a bus. In general a COACH is a chartered comfortable form of bus (often advertised as "executive travel"), whereas a BUS is a public conveyance and is therefore bumpy, noisy and late. COCK n. 1. A somewhat obsolete, but friendly, reference to a male friend, as in, "Come on, COCK, let's go to the PUB". COCKAHOOP adj. 1. To be happy about something, as in, "You must be all all COCKAHOOP over being in the Tall Ships Race".

12

[email protected]

COCKNEY n. 1. Anyone born within the sound (hearing distance) of the Bow bells in London (the East end). slang. 1. COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG has wide use throughout England. It is an active language that is continually growing (several dictionaries are available). COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG is composed by using any short phrase in place of something with which it rhymes. Often this phrase is itself shortened. The end phrase is often different from its origin. Rather surprisingly words like BERK and COBBLERS are in wide use, even in relatively polite society. Its likely that many who use them don't know what they are saying! Some milder examples follow. ADAM AND EVE v. Believe. "Would you ADAM AN' EVE it?" BERK (= Berkley hunt) n. (abusive) Person with undesirable character. "He's a bit of a BERK" BRAHMS (or BEETHOVEN) (= Brahms/Beethoven and Liszt) a. Drunk ('Liszt' rhymes with 'pissed'). BRISTOLS (= Bristol Cities) n. Breasts. "Nice pair of BRISTOLS!" BUTCHERS (= butcher's hook) v. Look. "Have a BUTCHERS at this" COBBLERS (= Cobbler's awls) n. Testicles. "Don't talk COBBLERS". GINGER (= ginger beer) n. Homosexual. HALF INCH v. To steal, PINCH. HAMPTON (= Hampton Wick) n. Penis ('Wick' rhymes with 'prick'). There was a comedy program on BBC radio many years ago which included as a regular feature the esoteric joke "and now, over to our special correspondent, Hugh Jampton". Luckily almost no one got the joke. KHYBER (= Khyber pass) n. Posterior, as in "a kick up the KHYBER". LOAF (= loaf of bread) n. Head, as in, "Use your LOAF". PEN (= pen and ink) n. or v. Stink, as in, "It don' 'alf PEN a bit". ROCK AND ROLL (= dole) n. Welfare, as in, "The old man's on the ROCK AND ROLL again". ROSIE (= Rosie Lee) n. Tea (the drink), as in "a cup of ROSIE". SCAPA (= Scapa Flow) v. To go, as in, "It's getting late, I'll have to SCAPA or the TROUBLE 'll get in a TWO AND EIGHT". SEXTON (= Sexton Blake) n. Fake. TATERS (= potatoes in the mould) n. Cold. TITFER (= tit for tat) n. Hat. TROUBLE (= trouble and strife) n. Wife. TWO AND EIGHT n. (emotional) State. WHISTLE and FLUTE (= suit) n. Suit, as in, "Going to work for IBM. Better get a WHISTLE then".

13

[email protected]

COLLECT v. 1. To fetch, as in, "I've come to COLLECT my children". COME A CROPPER phrase. 1. To end badly, as in, "We hope that the American economy doesn't COME A CROPPER". COME OVER FOR DRINKS phrase. 1. An invitation to a rather formal social evening. The level of formality will vary by the time indicated. Six p.m. means very formal evening dress while 8 p.m. would only mean a suit and tie affair. Refreshments may consist of CRISPS or multiple courses of hot or cold snacks. One should always arrive fifteen minutes late to these affairs. COMING FOR ONE phrase. 1. Phrase meaning "Are you coming to the PUB for a PINT OF?". COMMON ENTRANCE n. An exam which must be passed for entrance into a PUBLIC SCHOOL. It is taken by upper class twelve year old boys only. (Girls almost never take this exam, regardless of their social class.) There seems to be very little that's "common" about this exam. COMBS n. 1. Long-john underwear. The word comes from COMBINATIONS. CONKERS n. 1. Horse Chestnut. 2. Game played by children. To play this game, one first drills a small hole through the middle of a CONKER. Thread a string through this hole. The CONKER is then suspended by one child, while the other, using his CONKER, tries to smash the suspended CONKER with his. Turns alternate. The winner is the child whose CONKER does not break. This leads to uncommon industry on the part of children (of all ages) in an effort to make their CONKER as tough as possible. CONTINENT n. 1. Europe, as in, "We're going to ferry to the CONTINENT this summer for our HOLIDAY". The general connotation is that the UK should not be considered part of the European community. The attitude is properly captured by this quote of an English newspaper, "Fog in Channel CONTINENT isolated". CONTINENTAL QUILT n. 1. A comforter. COOKER n. 1. Oven. COOL HALF phrase. 1. Describing someone who is very self assured to the point of being unlikeable, as in, "He's a COOL HALF". COP v. 1. Look at, as in "COP this". 2. (with IT) Get into trouble, as in, "You'll COP IT if your wife finds out about her". n. 1. Police. A COP SHOP is a police station. COPPER n. 1. A policeman, BOBBY. 2. Kettle for boiling clothes in. 3. Any piece of money made from copper (e.g. half PENNY, PENNY etc.). COPPICE or COPSE (cops) n. 1. A wood which is regularly harvested. Often the trees in a COPPICE are harvested and the stump is allowed to sprout. These new shoots will grow into smaller trees which will themselves be harvested within a few years. These smaller trees are often used as fences posts. Strictly speaking this term is also to be found in American. However, it is in such wide use in the U.K., it has been included here also. CORRIDOR n. 1. Hall. This should not be confused with HALL.

14

[email protected]

CORN n. 1. Any grain except rice. What Americans call corn is referred to as CORN-ON-THE-COB or SWEET CORN. CORNET n. 1. (Ice cream) Cone. CORNFLOUR n. 1. Cornstarch. COSTUME n. 1. Swimming suit when used in SWIMMING COSTUME or BATHING COSTUME. COT n. 1. Baby crib. COTTON n. 1. Thread. COUNTY n. 1. A geographical area similar to county. adj. 1. Said of an adult who has the character of a SNOTTYLITTLEUPPERCLASSTWIT. Given to wearing JODHPURS etc. See also FRIGHTFULLY FRIGHTFULLY. COURGETTES n. 1. Zucchini. COWBOY n. 1. One of questionable professional integrity. This is similar to the term "turkey" as used within IBM. CRACKERS n. 1. Firecrackers. 2. A small gift, usually tubular in shape, which if pulled sharply at the ends will open with a pop (crack). These are quite common at Christmas and are known as CHRISTMAS CRACKERS. CRAYON n. 1. Crayon. 2. Colored pencil. CREAM TEAS n. 1. A traditional snack widely served in the U.K. It consists of TEA, SCONES (a type of muffin), and generous portions of CLOTTED CREAM and JELLY/jam (probably strawberry). CREEP n. 1. Bookworm or serious student. This has connotation of a teacher's pet. CRECHE (cresh) n. 1. A parking lot for pre-school-age children (a baby sitting service). CRIB n. 1. A baby cradle. CRICKET n. 1. A game widely played in Britain whose principle purpose is to provide an occasion for one to spend long periods at the local PUB. The game has some vague similarities with baseball (denied by fans of both sports). However, CRICKET is played at a pace which makes baseball seem to be one continuous burst of energy. One game of international CRICKET is played over a period of five days. Scores often involve hundreds of runs on each side. (A score of 264 to 182 which results in a draw is not untypical.) As with any sport CRICKET has its own specialized language (which is beyond the scope of this definition). The game of ROUNDERS is typically played by school children and much more closely resembles baseball. See also NOT CRICKET. CRISPS n. 1. Potato chips. CROWN n. 1. Five shillings. A quarter of a POUND. This is pronounced "croin" by members of the COUNTY set.

15

[email protected]

CUPPA (cup-ah) n. 1. A cup of TEA. CURRENT ACCOUNT n. 1. Checking account. This is a term used by English bankers to confuse Americans. CURRY HOUSE n. 1. Indian restaurant. These typically serve dishes which use the curry spices which you will: a) like or b) dislike. CUSTARD n. 1. A yellow sauce used as a topping on various desserts. CUSTOM n. 1. Patronage, as in, "We appreciate your CUSTOM (for shopping in our store)".

16

[email protected]

-DDAFT AS A BRUSH phrase. 1. Foolish or crazy, as in, "He's DAFT AS A BRUSH". DEAD ON adj. 1. Exactly (when said of time), as in, "The meeting will start DEAD ON 9:00". DECKO n. 1. A look, as in, "Have a DECKO and see for yourself". DEMERARA n. 1. Brown sugar. One usually serves DEMERARA with coffee and sugar with TEA. DEMIJOHN n. 1. Bottle used in the fermenting step of wine making. DIARY n. 1. Appointment calendar. DIGS n. 1. Long term rented accommodation in a private house, often used by university students and itinerant workers. Typical DIGS comprise a bedroom and access to a bathroom and toilet. The bathroom and toilet are normally shared with the family that own the house. The bedroom may be shared with other tenants. Some meals or cooking facilities may be provided. Meals are often shared with the family. Cooking facilities are often masterpieces of miniaturisation beside which the achievements of calculator makers pale into insignificance. Members of the opposite sex are not allowed in (or even near) DIGS. This rule is strictly enforced by the landlady, invariably a light sleeper with super-acute hearing. Note that DIGS is always plural, as in: "Have you got a FLAT yet? No, I'm still in DIGS." or: "What are your DIGS like? OK, except for the landlady's man-eating ALSATIAN.". Short term or holiday DIGS are never called DIGS, instead they are called BED AND BREAKFAST or B&B. A BEDSIT is a DIGS with an absentee landlady. DIP v. 1. To lower, as in, "DIP your lights for oncoming traffic". DIRT n. 1. Filth. This is never dirt (soil) as used for plants. DIVERSION n. 1. Detour. These are permanent features of most roads in the U.K. DOLE n. 1. Welfare or Social Security, as in, "He hasn't worked for months - been on the DOLE." DOLLAR n. 1. Five SHILLINGS or twenty-five PENCE. This has its origins from "Thaler", an Austrian coin of very wide circulation, both in the Mediterranean and elsewhere, from about 1600 on. The word was in comparatively wide circulation in English by about 1720 (a period of great shortage of silver British coinage). Its use in U.K. English predates the decision of the Continental Congress to adopt it as the official name for the U.S. currency. DOLLY PEGS n. 1. Wooden clothes pins made from one piece of wood (not two pieces of wood with a metal spring between). DOLLY PEGS used to be made into tiny dolls, hence the name. DORMOBILE n. 1. A small camper bus. This was originally a model name of such a camper. DOSS AROUND v. 1. To slum. A DOSS house is for vagrants to stay the night at. As in, "I wanted a year off before university, but I also wanted to do something positive and not just DOSS AROUND." DOUBLE DECKER n. 1. A two-level bus.

17

[email protected]

DOUBLE GLAZING n. 1. Storm windows. Windows in the U.K. are notoriously poorly designed and seldom close tightly. In an attempt to make them less drafty, DOUBLE GLAZING may be installed on the inside of the window. A dead air pocket is created by installing a thermal glass "door" to the window casing. A rubber seal ensures a close fit with the rest of the casing. Most DOUBLE GLAZING windows slide like a patio door, but some must be opened inwards before the regular window may be opened outwards. During warmer weather the DOUBLE GLAZING may be removed. DOWNS n. 1. Hills. DRAUGHTS (drahfts) n. 1. The game of checkers. 2. Wind currents prevented by DOUBLE GLAZING. ( The English do not have a word spelled d-r-a-f-t-s). DRAWING PIN n. 1. Thumb tack. DRAWING ROOM n. 1. Living room. The term comes from "withdrawing room". This This is the room the ladies would withdraw to while the men drank. DROP HEAD n. 1. Convertible (automobile). DRESSING GOWN n. 1. Bathrobe. DRINKING UP TIME phrase. 1. Period of ten minutes following the end of PUB licensing hours (TIME) allowed for customers to finish their drinks. Anyone who still has a drink after DRINKING UP TIME is breaking the law. DRIVING LICENCE n. 1. Driver's license. Serious driving offences are recorded directly on your U.K. DRIVING LICENSE and are known as ENDORSEMENTS. Three of these and you're done driving. DUAL CARRIAGEWAY n. 1. Divided highway. DUSTBIN n. 1. Trash barrel. DYNAMO n. 1. Generator.

18

[email protected]

-EEARTH adj. 1. Ground (when said of electrical wiring), as in, "To be safe, be certain your appliances always have an EARTH wire". EIRE (air-ah) n. 1. Ireland. The political country which is composed of the major portion of the island of Ireland (excluding Northern Ireland). ELASTOPLAST n. 1. Band aid. The term was originally a brand name. The term PLASTER may also be heard. This is taken from the old fashioned PLASTERS used before the days of the band aid. ELEVENSES n. 1. Morning coffee (TEA) break. ELIZABETH II n. 1. Englishman's designation for the current queen. PILLAR BOXES in ENGLAND have ER II (Elizabeth Regina) cast on them. ELIZABETH I is the Scotsman's designation for the current queen. PILLAR BOXES in Scotland with ER II on them have been known to be blown up. The discrepancy arises because Mary Queen of Scots ruled Scotland when Elizabeth I ruled England, thus the current Elizabeth is Scotland's first. ENGAGED adj. 1. Busy. A telephone may be ENGAGED. Similarly, a public toilet may also be ENGAGED. ENGLAND n. 1. Term commonly used to mean England, Scotland and Wales. Such usage is deeply offensive to many Scots and Welsh and should be avoided (do not be misled by the fact that many English people make the mistake). "British" (i.e. those who live on the islands of Great Britain) seems to be a safer alternative. ESTATE AGENT n. 1. Realtor. The British version is as well respected and loved as the American. ESTATE CAR n. 1. Station wagon. EXCESS n. 1. An insurance-related term meaning deductible.

19

[email protected]

-FFAG n. 1. Cigarette. This term has no sexual preference connotations. Imagine the reaction an Englishman gets on HOLIDAY in the United States when he innocently asks for a FAG. 2. A schoolboy forced to do menial tasks for another. 3. Hard work, as in, "I can't be bothered to do that. It's too much of a FAG". adj. 1. Tired, as in, "He worked all day and is all FAGGED OUT". FAGGOT n. 1. A sausage-like meat. These are also known as SAVOURY DUCKS in some areas of Britain. To be authentic these should contain seaweed. adj. 1. An insult applied to women, as in, "She's an old FAGGOT". FANNY n. 1. The female pudenda, not the posterior. This word is not in common use in polite British society. FETE (fate) n. 1. A festival. It is common for British villages to hold a FETE in celebration for not having drowned during the rains of the previous winter. Some theorise these FETES have their origins as early Druid rites. FILLET (fill-it) n. 1. Filet, as in "a FILLET of cod". FISH FINGERS n. 1. Fish sticks. In either language they taste pretty awful. FISHMONGER n. 1. A person that sells fish. FIZZ n. 1. Soft drinks. Also known as FIZZY DRINKS. FLANNEL n. 1. Face cloth. 2. A type of cloth used for making trousers. This is not the towelling used for making face cloths. FLANNELS (trousers) are made of FLANNEL. (Confusion is avoided since TROUSERS are not used to wipe the face in the UK). v. 1. To talk without meaning as in, "I don't know what to say. NEVERMIND, I'll just FLANNEL". FLAP JACKS n. 1. A thin cake made in a pan from oats and eaten at TEA. GOLDEN SYRUP is often used in making these. FLASH adj. 1. Expensive looking and suggesting the owner wishes to flaunt it, as in a "FLASH car". n. 1. Exposure of the genitals, as in, "I was just waiting for me BUS, when this BLOKE comes up and gives me a quick FLASH". FLAT n. 1. Apartment, whether rented or owned (condominium). FLEET STREET n. 1. A phrase used to refer collectively to the national newspapers of England. FLEET STREET in London is where all the national newspaper offices are to be found. As in, "FLEET STREET today reported that Prime Minister Thatcher ...". National newspapers are something unfamiliar to most Americans. There are a number of newspapers which are available over the entire nation and deal almost exclusively with news of national interest. These are all morning papers and are extensively read. Local newspapers are usually evening papers (some with two editions) and deal with local events. They seldom have much national news. Typically one will get two or more newspapers a day in England. The national newspapers are of two basic types, TABLOIDS and (real) newspapers. THE SUN consistently leads the TABLOIDS in outrageous taste. It may be instructive to note that the TABLOIDS have the largest circulation of all the national newspapers in the United Kingdom.

20

[email protected]

THE FINANCIAL TIMES is the equivalent of the Wall Street Journal and deals only in business news. This paper is printed on faded pink paper so everyone will know the reader is a member of the business community and will be impressed. THE GUARDIAN is a liberal newspaper that more closely resembles a magazine in format, rather than a newspaper. THE TIMES is the establishment newspaper, taking a basically middle-of-the-road view. THE TELEGRAPH is an extreme right wing newspaper and is read mostly by the conservative element. See also PAGE THREE and TABLOID. FLEX n. 1. Extension cord. A CABLE is the stiff wire used to wire your house (i.e. from the MAINS to your plug). FLYOVER n. 1. Overpass. FLOOR n. 1. The British (and Europeans as well) start counting floors of a building with zero. The first floor is the GROUND FLOOR, the second is the FIRST FLOOR etc. FOOTBALL n. 1. Soccer. Football is looked upon as dull and mystical. FORTNIGHT n. 1. Two weeks. This term is used quite commonly. The term has its origins in the phrase "fourteen nights". Armed with this knowledge you will not be surprised to learn that SEVNIGHT is also used in English and means ... (guess). FREE HOUSE n. 1. Not the greatest land deal since the Indians sold Manhattan, but a PUB which is actually owned by the PUBLICAN. Most PUBS are owned by a brewery whose name will be found on the outside of the building in large letters (e.g. COURAGE or WHITBREAD). A brewery-owned PUB will serve only their own brand of drink. A FREE HOUSE has no such restriction and will probably offer several different brands. In a similar context there are also FREE OFF LICENCE shops to be found. FREE RANGE EGGS n. 1. Not eggs that are given away, but eggs layed by uncooped chickens. Hens which are cooped are referred to as BATTERY HENS. FRENCH DRESSING n. 1. Italian dressing. The English have no equivalent of the American's French dressing. FRENCH LETTER n. 1. A prophylactic. A rubber. Curiously the French term for the same item is "Capote Anglaise" (English overcoat). Grafiti found on a contraceptive machine: "Not available during French postal strike". FRIGHTFULLY FRIGHTFULLY (frah-flly frah-flly) adj. 1. Describing someone who is attempting to act ever so very proper. As in, "He was just FRIGHTFULLY FRIGHTFULLY". The origin of this stems from the overuse of the word when people are acting in this manner. See also COUNTY. FRINGE n. 1. Hair bangs. FRUIT MACHINE n. 1. One armed bandit. Slot machine. The modern electric variety are common features in many PUBS. FULL STOP n. 1. A period. The thing at the end of this sentence.

21

[email protected]

-GGALLON n. 1. A gallon plus 25%. This means a PINT is an enormous 20 ounces. This fact puts a whole new meaning on PINT OF. GAMMON n. 1. Ham. GAMP n. 1. Umbrella. GANNET n. 1. Pig. Someone who eats anything and everything. The term emanates from the Royal Navy. All lower-deck sailors used to refer to a man who ate his rations and everyone else's (if given the chance) as a 'Gannet'. A gannet being a voracious seabird that follows ships at sea waiting for the "Gash" (garbage) to be thrown down the 'gash chute' usually fixed outboard to the stern of the ship. GARDEN n. 1. Yard. A garden is called a "VEGETABLE GARDEN". GATEAU (ga-toe) n. 1. Cake. GEN UP (jen up) v. 1. To acquire knowledge, as in, "To GEN UP on the FALKLANDS". The term is derived from the phrase general information. GEYSER (gee-zer) n. 1. A notoriously dangerous gas apparatus which was used to provide hot water. This device was mounted at the tap itself and heated the water as it was drawn from the tap. The phrase to PUT THE GEYSER ON means to heat up the water. GHILLIE (gill-ee) n. 1. Scottish in origin, the term describes a gamekeeper who serves as both a conservationist to protect wild game and as a guide for hunters. Using a GHILLIE has very strong upper class connotations. Only those of the proper class would employ a GHILLIE (even though the GHILLIE is himself a commoner). The GLORIOUS TWELFTH (twelfth of August) starts the upper class hunting season. GIRL GUIDE n. 1. Girl Scout. The (Girl) Scouts are usually called the GUIDES. GLASSHOUSE n. 1. Greenhouse. GOB n. 1. Slang term for mouth. v. 1. To spit. Because of this second term, the British find our use of "gobs of something" as being rather crude. A GOBSTOPPER is a large piece of candy which will last a very long time. GOOLIES n. 1. Balls. Testicles. GRAMMAR SCHOOL n. 1. School for 11-18 year olds who are studying for their O-LEVELS and ALEVELS. (These are now almost extinct.) GRIT BIN n. 1. Roadside barrel of sand for use when roads are slippery. GREENGROCER n. 1. A small grocery store which deals only with fruits and vegetables. This type of store will not likely handle any canned items or non-foods like detergents etc. GROTTY adj. 1. Unpleasant. A dark, dirty damp apartment would be called GROTTY. GUARD n. 1. A train conductor.

22

[email protected]

GUBBINS n. 1. A collection of generally worthless items, as in, "Children - pick up these GUBBINS". GUERNSEY (gansee in northern England) n. 1. A particular style of sweater which was originally worn by people from the island of Guernsey. Similarly, a JERSEY is a different style of sweater which originated on the neighboring island of Jersey. Today these are used interchangeably with "sweater". GUIDE DOG n. 1. Seeing-eye dog. GUINEA n. 1. Originally twenty-one SHILLINGS, but now one POUND plus five PENCE. Five percent is the auctioneer's commission. If one bids in GUINEAS, rather than POUNDS, one then has automatically the full price one must pay. A current vicious rumor has it that banks in the United Kingdom use GUINEAS when you must pay (i.e. interest) and POUNDS when they must pay you. There is no substantiation to this. GYMKHANA n. 1. A very amateur horse competition. GYMSLIP n. 1. A long pinafore dress worn by school girls (usually as a winter school uniform).

23

[email protected]

-HHAD HIS CHIPS phrase. 1. To be finished or done for, as in, "He's HAD HIS CHIPS". HAIR GRIPS n. 1. Bobby pins. HALF (aahf) n. 1. English for HALF A PINT (by default, of BITTER). 2. Scots for a single measure of WHISKY. In Scotland, "a PINT and a HALF" means a PINT of HEAVY and a MEASURE of WHISKY; in England it means a PINT of BITTER and a HALF PINT of BITTER. HALF A CROWN n. 1. Obsolete coin worth 2/6 (pronounced two and six), meaning two SHILLINGS and six old PENCE. HALF PENNY (hay-pen-ee) n. 1. Half penny. Currently, its only use is to become stuck in corners of purses or pockets. HALL n. 1. Entry, as in the entry way to a house or other building and not a CORRIDOR. 2. BEDSIT style accommodation provided (for rent) by a university or other higher education institution for resident students. As in, "Are you looking for a FLAT? No, I'm in HALL". See also DIGS. HANTS n. 1. The county Hampshire in the United Kingdom. HANTS is a term used by the English to confuse those not in the know (Americans). HAVE A GO phrase. 1. To take a turn, as in, "Dad, can I HAVE A GO on my new Space Invaders Game". 2. To attempt to make a citizen's arrest. This phrase is popular in newspaper headlines, such as "Police congratulate HAVE A GO hero." HEAD MASTER n. 1. Principal of a school. These also may be known as HEAD MISTRESS or HEAD TEACHER. HEAVY n. 1. A Scottish beer which is sweet and nothing like BITTER. One might also see HEAVY referring to the strength and price of beer (other terms in this context are LIGHT and EXPORT). HEAVY is the medium grade and is often called 70 SHILLING which referred to an old price per keg. HEAVY PLANT CROSSING n. 1. As seen on a road sign, it means 'heavy cross traffic'. It conjures up the most amazing image! HIRE adj. 1. Rent, as in "a HIRE car" instead of a rental car. Note that HIRE cars will normally have a manual transmission unless an automatic is specifically requested. One may also see a HIRE LORRY, HIRE TIPPER or even a HIRE ANORAK. One of the largest firms dealing in rental clothes is Moss Brothers (usually abbreviated Moss Bros.). This firm is so commonly known that MOSS BROS is used to mean a HIRED suit (or whatever). As in, "I've got my MOSS BROS on". HOARDING n. 1. Bill board. HOB n. 1. A single cooking ring that one cooks upon. 2. A collection of cooking rings. There seems to be no agreement on this. HOLIDAY n. 1. Vacation. 2. National holidays when the banks are not open known as BANK HOLIDAYS. These days are distinguished from the other days when banks are not open. HOMELY adj. 1. Plain. Unpretentious. Having a pleasant quality. An English girl would not mind being called HOMELY.

24

[email protected]

HOOKER n. 1. Not a prostitute, but a member of a RUGBY scrum. HOOTER n. 1. A horn. 2. A derogatory term for the nose, as in, "He's got quite a HOOTER". HOOVER n. 1. Vacuum cleaner. This may or may not be made by the Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Company. v. 1. To clean using a vacuum cleaner, as in, "I HOOVERED the carpets today." HUGGER-MUGGER (hug-ah mug-ah) phrase. 1. All in turmoil, as in, "After the storm hit, everything was HUGGER-MUGGER". HUMP v. 1. To carry something that is very heavy, to lug. As in, "I was HUMPING it all over the place". n. 1. To be upset about something, as in, "He's got the HUMP over his last job appraisal". HUNDREDWEIGHT n. 1. Eight STONE (112 pounds), abbreviated CWT.

25

[email protected]

-IICE LOLLY n. 1. Popsicle. The term ICED LOLLY may also be used. IN A PADDY phrase. 1. To be angry, as in, "Crestfallen Charlie stomped off the field IN A PADDY yesterday after his team were trounced at Windsor. But Di soon had him smiling again." INDIAN n. 1. Indian food 2. An Indian restaurant. As in, "I'm going to eat an INDIAN tonight". INDICATORS n. 1. Directional signals (as on a car). Blinkers. INTERVAL n. 1. The break time between parts of a performance, as in, "The play is in three acts, the INTERVAL coming after the second act." IN THE (PUDDING) CLUB phrase. 1. To be pregnant. Also, to have a BUN IN THE OVEN. IMPERIAL UNITS n. 1. The adjective IMPERIAL here is used to describe the English or standard system of measurement (as opposed to the metric system of measurement). The IMPERIAL system of measurement uses the terms miles, yards, feet, gallons, quarts etc. IRISH JOKES n. 1. Polish jokes. IRONMONGER n. 1. Hardware store.

26

[email protected]

-JJCB n. 1. Back hoe digger. The name is derived from a company that makes back hoe diggers in the UK. JELLY n. 1. Jello. Jelly is referred to as "SEEDLESS JAM". Actually, SEEDLESS JAM is often called JELLY too. JODHPURS n. 1. Riding breeches with a tight extension to the ankle. JOHN ARLOTT n. 1. The Howard Cosell of English sports commentators. JOINT n. 1. Piece of meat. Roast. A "Sunday JOINT" is the roast you have with your Sunday dinner. JOLLY adv. 1. Very, as in, "It's JOLLY hard work". JUGGED HARE n. 1. Rabbit preserved in some sort of blood sauce or pudding. JUGGERNAUT n. 1. A very large LORRY, probably from the CONTINENT. The difference between a LORRY and a JUGGERNAUT will be immediately apparent if you should meet each of them on a narrow road. Note: JUGGERNAUT is an INDIAN (i.e. from India) god. JUMBLE SALE n. 1. Garage sale. This is typically not held in a garage since the garage would be too small. Oddly enough, one finds these are often held in church halls. JUMPER n. 1. Sweater.

27

[email protected]

-KKEEP YOUR HAIR ON phrase. 1. Phrase used to calm someone down, similar to "Keep your shirt on". KEEP YOUR PECKER UP phrase. 1. Keep smiling, be happy (Honest folks, its true!). KIT n. 1. Gear. Equipment or baggage necessary for a task or trip (particularly sports equipment). As in, "Sure I'll help you fix your car. I'll fetch me KIT". KNACKER adj. 1. Tired out, as in, "I'm KNACKERED". n. 1. As in KNACKER'S YARD, which is a slaughter house which processes meat that is not to be used for human consumption. 2. Balls. Testicles. KNICKERS n. 1. Women's panties. A KNICKERBOCKER GLORY is an ice cream concoction similar to a giant banana split. The phrase "Don't get your KNICKERS in a twist" is a plea not to get upset about something. KNOCK UP v. 1. This is a tennis term. It means to warm up by volleying before actually commencing a game. I'll leave you to imagine the reaction an IBMer's wife got when, after arriving for her fist game of tennis in the U.S., she innocently asked when they "were going to KNOCK UP". 2. Another use of this term is to ask someone "to KNOCK me UP in the morning". This is used to ask someone to wake you in the morning.

28

[email protected]

-LLADY'S FINGERS n. 1. Okra. LAGER n. 1. Name for a type of non-British (i.e. CONTINENTAL) beer that is commonly available. This is closer to what an American will recognize taste-wise as beer. It is, however, substantially stronger than that to be found in the United States. LARDER n. 1. Pantry. LAVER BREAD (lavah bred) n. 1. An edible seaweed (originally from Wales). LAVER means seaweed. LAY-BY n. 1. Roadside rest area. L-DRIVER n. 1. A learner-driver. By law one who is learning to drive must warn others by posting a sign on his car with a large red "L" on a white background. This sign may also be used in situations to warn others a novice is to be found. At a local folk festival, one of the dancers prominently displayed an "L" on his hat. LEMONADE n. 1. A general term for pop. This is likely to be SPRITE (7 UP is fairly rare in the UK). This is not COCA-COLA and should never be confused with lemonade. LEMON CURD n. 1. A soft paste made from lemon, eggs and butter used as a spread on bread. This may also be known as LEMON CHEESE. LIFT n. 1. Elevator. LIKE THE CLAPPERS phrase. 1. Fast, as in, "It goes LIKE THE CLAPPERS". LINCTUS n. 1. A syrup-like medicine. Cough medicine would be called LINCTUS. LOAD OF CODSWALLOP n. 1. Verbal rubbish, as in, "Oh, that's a LOAD OF CODSWALLOP". LOCAL n. 1. The PUB one normally frequents, as in, "Meet you at the LOCAL at lunch for some ARROWS". LOFT n. 1. Attic of a house. LOLLIPOP LADY/MAN n. 1. School crossing guard. LOLLY n. 1. Money. 2. Popsicle. LONG DRINK n. 1. Tall drink. LOO n. 1. Toilet. In some hotels the toilettes may be numbered "00" to distinguish them from the actual bedrooms. LORRY n. 1. Truck. LOUD HAILER n. 1. Megaphone. LOUNGE n. 1. Living room. DRAWING ROOM. SITTING ROOM.

29

[email protected]

LOUNGE BAR n. 1. A bar found in a PUB which is typically much better furnished than the PUBLIC BAR and is therefore a bit more expensive for the same brew. This portion of the PUB will probably have carpeting and chairs. Historically, this was reserved for the upper class. This may also be known as a SALOON BAR. LOVE n. 1. A term used to refer to a person. It is quite commonly used by working class women. Oddly enough, this is a very neutral term and does not imply the speaker has any great affection for you. It is mildly disturbing to an American to have total strangers (be they BIRDS or not) calling him "LOVE", as in, "That'll be 25P, LOVE". DUCK, DUCKS or DUCKIE may also be used like LOVE. The Scots may use HEN for LOVE. LUCKY DIP n. 1. A grab bag. This is often featured at a FETE.

30

[email protected]

-MMACINTOSH n. 1. Raincoat, also known as a MAC. MAGGIE n. 1. Whimsical name for the prime minister of the United Kingdom. This is used in much the same vein as we refer to our President as "Ronnie". The term is now dated, obviously. MAINS n. 1. The place where the gas or electricity may be turned on or off. Oddly enough this is always plural even if you refer to the shutoff for just one utility. As in, "Before disconnecting the COOKER, be sure the MAINS is disconnected." MAISONETTE n. 1. Originally this term meant an apartment which covered more than one floor of a building. In recent years this has slowly degenerated to include FLATS (one floor only) in the hope of making FLATS sound nicer. MANGLE n. 1. Large rollers used to squeeze water from wet clothes, i.e. the ringer-part of a ringer washer. MARKS AND SPARKS n. 1. Nickname for Marks and Spencer's, a prominent retailer in the U.K. Also known as M&S. MARMITE n. 1. A spread made from yeast extract that is similar to BOVRIL. MARROW n. 1. A type of summer squash similar to zucchini. MARZIPAN n. 1. A confectionary made from almond paste. MASH v. 1. To brew TEA. 2. To puree potatoes. MATCH n. 1. A game, as in, "The FOOTBALL MATCH begins at 3 p.m.". MATE n. 1. General term for a pal, as in, "He's me MATE". MEASURE n. 1. A unit quantity of spirits as served in a PUB. This quantity is regulated by law and must be exactly one fifth of a gill (in Scotland) or one sixth of a gill (in ENGLAND). A notice must be displayed to say which size MEASURE is in use. MILD n. 1. Name for a type of English beer which is sweeter and darker than BITTER. MILK FLOAT n. 1. An electric vehicle the milkman drives. MINCEMEAT n. 1. Hamburger. Alternatives are MINCE MEAT or simply MINCE. 2. Mincemeat as used in mince pies. Note that the sweet stuff used for filling pies has evolved from a pie filling that was once made mainly from meat. MIXER TAP n. 1. A tap at a sink which delivers both hot and cold water. This is not as common as an American would expect. There is a law in the UK which requires that MIXER TAPS do not actually mix the water inside the TAP itself, but it must be mixed outside in the air. This apparently stems from a concern that the CISTERN may be contaminated and if the MIXER TAP allowed the two streams of water to mix and the MAINS pressure was too low, contaminated water might escape into the community water supply. This law results in the aggravating situation that water delivered by a MIXER TAP actually comes out in two streams, one cold and one hot, thereby defeating the major advantage of a MIXER TAP! This problem can be overcome by plumbing both the hot and cold water from the CISTERN, resulting in a water source with lower water pressure.

31

[email protected]

MMMM... phrase. 1. "Expression" meaning a) "Yes", b) "Yes, probably" c) "Yes, but not now" or d) "No". The different meanings are all taken from the inflection of the phrase. MOGGIE n. 1. Slang term for an ordinary cat. A tabby. MOTORWAY n. 1. A limited access highway. An Interstate. MUCKER n. 1. Friend or MATE, someone you "muck about with". MUCH OF A MUCHNESS phrase. 1. Equivalent to "Six of one, half dozen of another". MUG UP v. 1. To cram, to SWOT. MUMMY n. 1. Mommy. MUPPET n. 1. A popular term for a stupid person, often used to refer to oneself as in, "God what a MUPPET, I am".

32

[email protected]

-NNAFF adj. 1. NAFF originally was a gay slang meaning a straight person (Not Available For F....) and now means untrendy, as in a NAFF t-shirt. NAFF OFF v. 1. A jocular term used to tell someone to go away. This is reportedly a favorite expression of Princess Anne. The term was invented for a TV comedy show called PORRIDGE. (PORRIDGE is a slang term for a prison, as in, "Where have you been these last few years? Been in PORRIDGE.") NAPPY n. 1. Diaper. NATTER v. 1. To speak in a non-stop manner about unimportant things, as in, "Stop NATTERING on so and tell me what you want". Other variations of NATTER include: CHIN WAG, FLANNEL, RABBIT and WAFFLE. NATTY adj. 1. Flashy, fancy. A SPIV would likely be a NATTY dresser. NAVVY (nah-vee) n. 1. Laborer. This was originally a "navigator" who was one who worked on the construction of canals. NET CURTAINS n. 1. Sheer curtains (sheers). NEVERMIND v. 1. The ultimate answer to any type of annoying event, no matter how serious, as in, "Your house burnt down last night! Oh, well, NEVERMIND". NEWSAGENT n. 1. A shop which sells only newspapers, magazines and the like. These seldom are over 10 feet square and are always so overcrowded with material that you cannot find anything you want and must ask for it. NICK v. 1. To steal, as in, "He NICKED me light". n 1. Prison or police station. 2. Slang term for the devil (OLD NICK). NICKER n. 1. POUNDS Sterling. QUID. NIL n. 1. Zero. Often heard in reporting FOOTBALL scores, as in "Arsenal blanked Leeds, four to NIL." NIPPER n. 1. A young boy, a kid. One of the jobs for young boys on sailing ships was to coil the large anchor rope as it was pulled in. To assist in this the boy had a hook called a NIPPER which he used to "grab" the rope. NODDY adj. 1. Simple. The term comes from a TV show "Noddy and His Friends" based on a series of books by Enid Blyton. NOT CRICKET adj. 1. Falling short of the highest standards of good sportsmanship. As in, "Disguising yourself as a bush so as to take pictures of the Princess of Wales disporting herself in a SWIMMING COSTUME and selling the pictures to FLEET STREET is NOT CRICKET". NOUGHT n. 1. The number zero. NOUGHTS AND CROSSES n. 1. The game of tic tac toe.

33

[email protected]

-OOBLONG adj. 1. When your children come home from school and talk about OBLONGS they mean rectangles. ODDS AND SODS phrase. 1. Odds and ends. BITS AND BOBS has the same meaning. OFF adj. 1. Unavailable (as used in restaurants etc.), as in: PUNTER: Ham, egg, bacon, tomato and CHIPS, please. Waitress: Ham's OFF PUNTER: OK -- egg, bacon, tomato and CHIPS, please. Waitress: Egg's OFF PUNTER: Bacon, tomato and chips? Waitress: Bacon's OFF PUNTER: Spam sandwich, please. OFF LICENCE n. 1. Liquor store. Abbreviated to OFFO and sometimes referred to as an OFFY. OFF SALES n. 1. Part of a PUB that functions as an OFF LICENCE. OFFSIDE Adj. 1. The left-hand side of a car, as in, the "OFFSIDE of a car". The fast lane of a road is on this side of the car. The driver's side of the car is called the NEARSIDE. OLD UNCLE TOM COBLEY AND ALL phrase. 1. Special form of "etc." intended to imply amusement or exasperation at the large number of items. The term originates with a folk song "Widdicombe Fair" that has a chorus listing a large number of people and ends "OLD UNCLE TOM COBLEY AND ALL". Example: "We have installed DOS/VSE, VSE/Power, VSE/Advanced Function, ACF/VTAM, ACF/NCP/VS, VSE/VSAM, and OLD UNCLE TOM COBLEY AND ALL". O-LEVELS n. 1. An exam which is the first part of the General Certificate of Education needed in order to attend the university. After completing this exam, one may. attend a SIXTH FORM COLLEGE to study for his A-LEVELS or more likely study for his A-LEVELS at a local technical college or a further education college or a community college. These exams are taken at age 16. ON/OFF adj. 1. Down/up when dealing with light switches in the UK. To turn a light switch ON, push the switch down, OFF is up. In addition to lights, most UK wall sockets (called POINTS) have small switches in them. Additionally, many plugs (either on FLEXES or at the end of an appliance) will have a fuse inside. This means you have several more places to look when something won't turn on. ON THE GAME n. 1. Prostitute, as in, "See that BIRD over there ? Looks like she's ON THE GAME". A man in a car looking for someone ON THE GAME is a KERB CRAWLER ON THE RAG adj. 1. To be angry, as in, "'E's a bit ON THE RAG, isn't 'e?'. Also used to refer to women at a certain time of the month. ORDER OF THE BOOT phrase. 1. To be made REDUNDANT. This undoubtedly stems from the names of several royal orders established by kings and queens over the centuries (e.g. the ORDER OF THE GARTER or the ORDER OF THE BATH). ORIENTEERING n. 1. A game which closely resembles a car rally in which participants are on foot and are provided a map of places to find. OUT ON THE TILES phrase. 1. Having a riotous time out for the evening. The term probably originates from sleeping on the (tiled) front stoop which is what you must do after the wife has locked you out.

34

[email protected]

OVERALLS n. 1. A light coat worn over normal clothes to protect them from getting dirty. This might also be called a BROWN COAT. See also BOILER SUIT. OVERTAKE v. 1. To pass, as in, "OVERTAKING on a bend is dangerous". OVER THE MOON phrase. 1. Very pleased. When Prince Charles was asked how he felt about his newly born son, he replied that he was "absolutely OVER THE MOON". This phrase is a reference to the Cow That Jumped Over the Moon (presumably because it was so happy). OXO n. 1. Bouillon, as in bouillon cubes for making gravies.

35

[email protected]

-PPAGE THREE n. 1. The phrase refers to the picture of a bare breasted woman which is always to be found on page three of the national newspaper, THE SUN. Hence, anything which is worthy of being on PAGE THREE is not really held in high regard. The phrase is a favorite with comedians in the U.K. See also FLEET STREET and TABLOID. PANDA n. 1. A small car used by police in rural areas. These were originally white with black doors. PANTECHNICON n. 1. Moving van. A truck used by movers. This is normally shortened to PAN-TECH (accent on TECH). PANTOMIME n. 1. A type of play usually put on around Christmas. It is ostensibly for children, but there is much to be found that an adult would enjoy. The play is a farce with much slapstick humor and lots of audience participation. This often takes the form of someone on the stage saying something like, "Oh, no I won't" in a defiant tone of voice. To this the screaming children retort "Oh, yes, you will". This banter continues for several rounds until he finally does. PANTS n. 1. Shorts, briefs, underwear, but not pants. PAPER HANDKERCHIEF n. 1. Kleenex. PAPER ROUND n. 1. Paper route. PARAFFIN n. 1. Kerosene. You really need to know this when the instructions for your Raleigh Sport (bicycle) tells you to clean the chain with PARAFFIN. PARKY adj. 1. Chilly, as in, "It's PARKY in here. Can we turn on the BOILER?" PASTY (pah-stee) n. 1. A type of meat and potato pie. PASTIES may come from either Cornwall or Devonshire (where they are called TIDDY OGGIES). A CORNISH PASTY purchased outside Cornwall resembles a sausage roll that's been stood on and does not resemble one bought in Cornwall. There's also a CURRY PASTY which is a delic ious Jamaican concoction available from superior CHIPPIES. PATIENCE n. 1. The card game solitaire. PAVEMENT n. 1. Sidewalk. These may be as narrow as six inches wide. The English seemingly have no concerns about walking along their extremely narrow PAVEMENTS with cars whizzing past within inches. This observation does not, however, hold true when a COACH, DOUBLE DECKER, LORRY or JUGGERNAUT comes rumbling down the road. One can always identify Americans in England. They are the terrified-looking people who are hugging the walls which line the PAVEMENT. PAY AND DISPLAY n. 1. U.K. version of metered parking without the meters. This is often posted as "P & D" in the parking lot. PELICAN n. 1. A type of pedestrian crossing which has a traffic light to stop (at least slow) the oncoming traffic. When the light turns red, a beeping is sounded to tell you it is safe to cross. PELMET n. 1. Window valence. PENNYFARTHING n. 1. Old fashion word for a bicycle. The actual PENNYFARTHING had a huge front wheel and a very small rear wheel. It had no chain and hence one turn of the pedal equalled one turn of the wheel.

36

[email protected]

PERSPEX n. 1. Lucite, plexiglas, clear plastic. The term is a trade name in the UK. PETROL n. 1. Gasoline. PICTURES n. 1. Movies, as in, "Lets go to the PICTURES tonight". PIGS MIGHT FLY phrase. 1. Absurd. Implies someone's idea is completely preposterous, as in, "If PIGS COULD FLY, Scotland Yard would be London's third airport." PILLAR BOX n. 1. Mail box for mailing letters. PILLOCK n. 1. A useless or stupid person. The word literally means "small pill". One dictionary claims this is an obsolete term for "penis". PINAFORE n. 1. Pinafore. 2. Jumper. This is also called a PINNY. PINCH v. 1. To steal, as in, "He PINCHED me light". PINT OF (pint-ah) n. 1. The basic unit of drink in the United Kingdom, as in, "A PINT OF BITTER, please." One should never ask for HALF A PINT as the bartender will only hear the word PINT. If you really must have half a pint, refrain from using PINT and say, "HALF OF BITTER, please". See also GALLON. PIPPED TO THE POST phrase. 1. To narrowly beat, as in, "Missed out on a terrific bargain at MARKS AND SPARKS - was PIPPED TO THE POST by a little old lady!". PISSED adj. 1. drunk. PITCH n. 1. A playing field for a sport, as in a soccer PITCH, a RUGBY PITCH etc. "The PITCH is in good condition today, as it only rained two inches this morning." PLAIN AS A PIKESTAFF phrase. 1. Plain as can be. PLAITS (plat) n. 1. Hair braids. PLASTERBOARD n. 1. Sheet rock. PLIMSOLLS n. 1. Sneakers. Tennis shoes. These are known as DAPS in Wales. PLONK n. 1. Very cheaply made wine. To refer to the wine your host is serving as PLONK is a rude insult. PLOUGHMAN'S n. 1. A traditional PUB lunch which consists of bread, cheese, and pickled onions. PLUS FOURS n. 1. Baggy knickerbockers. The name comes from the extra four inches of material needed to make them baggy. There are also PLUS TWOS which are similar, but less common than PLUS FOURS. Another theory has it that the name comes from the number of inches below the knee the knickerbockers come. PONY n. 1. 25 QUID. 2. A revolting drink available at your local PUB. POOF or POOFTER n. 1. A homosexual or as some might say SWISH. PUNTER: Half PINT of ale, please. PUBLICAN: Half PINTS are for ladies and POOFS. PUNTER: PINT of ale, please.

37

[email protected]

POP v. 1. To go or put quickly, as in, "I'll just POP in and pick up a new pair of PLIMSOLLS." POSH adj. 1. An acronym for Port Out, Starboard side Home and meaning upper class travel by boat (usually between India and the U.K.). Traveling POSH meant your room was not in the sun for the trip and therefore much cooler. Since this was very desirable, these rooms were more expensive and were snapped up by the wealthy making POSH become associated with luxury and snobbish behavior. This explaination is apparently just a good story and is not actually true. The meaning 'swanky' or 'deluxe' is correct, but it is not derived from the acronym as explained above. POST BOX n. 1. Mail box for posting letters. POSTMAN n. 1. Mailman. POUND or POUND STERLING n. 1. The basic monetary unit used in the United Kingdom. The coins tend to be quite heavy compared to American coins. After accumulating even a small amount of change, one quickly draws the conclusion that the currency is named from the weight of the coins totalling one POUND. In 1981 one could buy a POUND for slightly less than two dollars and one POUND bought you about eight cents less than you paid for it. PRAM n. 1. Baby buggy. The term PRAM is actually a short form of PERAMBULATOR. These are in great use throughout the United Kingdom. Elaborate covers are available to keep the rain out so the baby doesn't drown. PRAT n. 1. A mean or nasty person. PRAWN n. 1. Shrimp. Actually shrimps are small PRAWNS, but both Brits and Americans ignore this minor distinction. PRAWNS (large or small) are shrimp. PRECINCT n. 1. Shopping mall. PRESENTLY adv. 1. Later, as in, "I'll be with you PRESENTLY". PRIVATE SCHOOL n. 1. An upper class private school which is not as private as a PUBLIC SCHOOL. PRESENTLY adv. 1. Later, as in, "I'll be with you PRESENTLY". PROLE n. 1. Working class person (originally from proletariat). Today has more of a white-trash connotation. PROOF n. 1. Measure of alcoholic strength. PROOF is not the same as proof. Most drinks in the UK are now marked with alcohol percentage as well as PROOF. One U.S. proof is 0.5% alcohol. UK 100� PROOF is such that when added to standard Navy gunpowder, spontaneous ignition occurs. (Today it is defined in some other way, but that was the origin). Pure alcohol is 175 PROOF. Thus 80 proof = 40% alcohol = 70 PROOF.

38

[email protected]

PUB n. 1. Short for PUBLIC HOUSE. This is a clean comfortable bar (something beyond the experience of most Americans). It is close in comparison to a German Gaststaette in congeniality. PUBS may likely be divided into two separate bars, called LOUNGE (or SALOON) and PUBLIC BARS. Children are permitted in a PUB, but not within the bars. The rules for minors in PUBS are complex, some follow: 1. 2. 3. (1) In a PUB room that has a bar, a child of 14 may enter, but not stand or sit at the bar or drink alcohol (but can sniff glue). (2) In a PUB room that has a bar, a child of 16 may enter and may stand or sit at the bar, but not drink alcohol. (3) It's a very bad idea to disagree with the PUBLICAN'S perception of the law relating to his PUB.

PUBLICAN n. 1. Licensee of a PUB. Also called a LANDLADY or LANDLORD depending on the gender of the PUBLICAN. Speculation: What, then, is a REPUBLICAN? PUBLIC BAR n. 1. A bar found in a PUB which is typically used by the common laborer. In this portion of a PUB, there is no concern about muddy WELLIES. Historically, this was reserved for the lower classes. Darts will be played here, but never in a SALOON BAR. A PUBLIC BAR is also known by the attractive and evocative name "SPIT AND SAWDUST" which refers to a type of floor covering in use before the invention of carpets. PUBLIC SCHOOL n. 1. An upper class PRIVATE SCHOOL. The U.K. remains a very class conscious society. If one wishes to be really successful in the U.K., it is deemed necessary that he attend a PRIVATE or PUBLIC SCHOOL. It is very difficult for one who is educated in a STATE SCHOOL (regardless of his abilities) to break into some areas of the society (especially government (an MP for example), corporate leaders or professors). This means that aspiring parents may start saving and even contact a school when their children are only a couple of years old. Education in a PRIVATE or PUBLIC SCHOOL is extremely expensive. Curiously, having completed a PUBLIC or PRIVATE SCHOOL education (and passing the exams), entrance to the university is much easier. University education is publicly funded and hence does not pose a heavy burden on the parents. PULL UP A BOLLARD phrase. 1. A friendly invitation to sit down. This phrase originated with the GOON SHOW which was a famous radio program in the 1950s. The GOON SHOW was a hilarious comedy with Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan, Harry Secombe and Michael Bentine and was responsible for launching their careers. It was carried on the BBC World broadcasts and had listeners worldwide. PUNNET n. 1. A little basket in which fruit such as strawberries, raspberries, etc. is sold. Fruit is sold in the U.K. by weight (e.g. per pound) rather than by volume (e.g. per pint). PUNTER n. 1. A gambler, especially one who places bets with a bookie. 2. One who pays for goods or services provided by a SPIV or similar, a sucker. PURSE n. 1. A pocketbook. A PURSE is something a lady puts her money into and then puts the PURSE into her handbag. PUSH CHAIR n. 1. Stroller.

39

[email protected]

-QQUEEN ANNE'S DEAD phrase. 1. Duh! 2. The response to someone who says very obvious. One might hear that "it rains a lot in England", to which you reply "QUEEN ANNE IS DEAD". QUEER AS A CLOCKWORK ORANGE phrase. 1. Very strange, as in, "He's QUEER AS A CLOCKWORK ORANGE". Another similar phrase is "QUEER AS A TWO POUND NOTE" which should sound familiar to the American phrase "Queer as a three dollar bill". QUEUE v. 1. To stand in line. n. 1. A line, as in, "a QUEUE of people waiting for ...(everything)". QUID n. 1. One POUND. QUIDS IN phrase. 1. To have it made, as in, "If this works out, we're QUIDS IN". QUITE adv. 1. QUITE may be used in much the same manner as an American would expect. However, the English also use QUITE to mean utterly, absolutely, or completely. When an American says "It's quite dark," he means that it is almost, but not completely, dark. For this purpose, an Englishman would say "It's RATHER dark, isn't it?" (pronounced "izzen tit"). If it were QUITE dark, an American would say "It's pitch black,". QUITE PLEASED phrase. 1. In some circles this could mean "rather mediocre". A Brit might not be particularly pleased with you if you announce you are QUITE PLEASED with something.

40

[email protected]

-RRANDY adj. 1. Horny. RANDY is never used as a short form of RANDOLF in the U.K. RANDY ANDY is a reference to Prince Andrew. (Speculation about why he got this name is high treason and subject to the otherwise disused punishment of hanging, drawing, and quartering). RASHER n. 1. Slice, as in, a RASHER of bacon. REAL ALE n. 1. In recent years there has been an effort to resurrect the more traditional ales of earlier periods. These are known as REAL ALES and resemble BITTER in taste and color. They are, however, rather much stronger in taste and alcoholic content. There is a club called the CAMPAIGN FOR REAL ALE (CAMRA) whose supposed purpose is to encourage the making of REAL ALE by traditional methods. It would appear this is done largely by consuming as much REAL ALE as is possible. RED INDIAN n. 1. American Indian. INDIAN would be understood by the British to mean one from India. REDUNDANT adj. 1. To be out of work, as in, "As sales of our new 3.5 liter economy car have not met expectations, we at GM--Ford--British-Leyland (select your favorite) are forced to make 250 workers REDUNDANT". REEL n. 1. Spool, as in, a cotton REEL. 2. A type of music. On sailing ships the procedure to raise the anchor required a great deal of effort and time. The anchor was raised by many men walking in a circle pushing wooden bars inserted in a large spool (resembling the spokes of a wheel). Because this took so long, someone would often sit on this spool (REEL) and play his fiddle, sing and generally entertain the men. REGIMENTAL TIE n. 1. Not just any striped tie, but a tie which one wears as a result of having belonged to an Army regiment. REGISTRAR n. 1. A senior doctor in a hospital. The "chief" of a hospital section (e.g. Chief of Cardiology). REST ROOM n. 1. Not what you think, but rather a room for resting. A REST ROOM is commonly provided at large tourist locations for the bus drivers to rest in. You can imagine the image I came up with when I read in a brochure that "REST ROOMS with television" were provided. RETURN adj. 1. Round trip. A RETURN ticket to Bagley-cum-Wapshot-in-the-Vale is a round-trip ticket to go there, and then come back. Sometimes a "cheap day RETURN" is available which may often be less expensive than a one-way ticket. REVERSE CHARGE n. 1. Collect call. To make a collect call, dial the operator and tell her you wish to REVERSE the CHARGES. REVISE v. 1. Not to change something, but to review it. To recapitulate. As in, to ask a speaker to "REVISE on a particular point". RHUBARB n. 1. Nonsense or noise spoken by a person. The origin of this term comes from the stage. People in crowd scenes who are to make "crowd noises" might say, "RHUBARB, RHUBARB, RHUBARB...". This is exactly the background sound one hears in the houses of Parliament. Whether the other MPs agree or disagree with the speaker of the moment, one hears a rumble which sounds remarkably like "RHUBARB, RHUBARB, RHUBARB ...". I'm told the reason for such Parliamentary grunting is because the MPs are not allowed to clap or boo. RIGHT adj. 1. Left, as in, "The British drive on the RIGHT side of the road. Everyone else (except the Japanese and some others) is wrong".

41

[email protected]

RING UP v. 1. To telephone, as in, "I'll RING you UP when I've earned enough to pay for the call". RISING MAIN n. 1. The cold water supply into a house. ROCK n. 1. A type of candy in the form of a rod, usually pink on the outside and white inside. Traditionally this is bought at the seaside. A "stick of ROCK" is not rock candy. ROLLIE POLLIE n. 1. School child term for somersault. ROLLMOPS n. 1. Pickled or soused herring. ROTA n. 1. A list drawn up to determine the rotating order something will happen. A morning ladies group might have a ROTA of whose house will be used for which meeting. ROTTER (raaahhhter) n. 1. A PUBLIC SCHOOL derogatory term for someone who lets the side down or plays dirty. ROUNDABOUT n. 1. Traffic circle. A British version of billiards played with automobiles. This is an attempt by the British to avoid the dilemma Americans have when four cars come simultaneously to a four-way stop. The British solve this by allowing everyone to continue into the intersection without stopping. 2. Carousel. RUBBER n. 1. Eraser. RUG n. 1. Car blanket. RUGBY n. 1. Short form for RUGBY FOOTBALL. This is a football-like game played without the footballer's padding and equipment. This is a favorite game of Ireland, Scotland and Wales (and many others) whose national teams are closely followed. When Ireland won the triple crown of RUGBY in 1982, one PUB alone in Ireland served up 30,000 PINTS OF STOUT in the ensuing victory celebration. Note there is an important distinction between RUGBY UNION which is an international amateur sport and RUGBY LEAGUE which is a kind of legal rioting (professional sport). Note also that RUGBY is not the national sport of EIRE -- they play HURLING which is a cross between hockey and Death Race 2000. RUGGER n. 1. An upper class term for RUGBY UNION (See RUGBY). RUGGER BUGGER n. 1. Someone obsessed with RUGBY. A RUGBY freak.

42

[email protected]

-SSALOON BAR n. 1. See LOUNGE BAR. SANITARY TOWEL n. 1. Kotex pad. You may also see this abbreviated ST. SATSUMA n. 1. Mandarin orange. SAVOURY adj. 1. An adjective used by the Hursley CANTEEN staff to describe anything to which last week's vegetables have been added. 2. An adjective used by the IBA Crawley CANTEEN staff to describe meat which is not made from meat, but rather from soybeans. It would seem prudent to studiously avoid any food which is described with this word. SCRUBBER n. 1. Young lady of dubious integrity. A tart. SCRUMPY n. 1. A type of alcoholic drink made by from apples (and, by common supposition, dead rats) much drunk in some country areas of England. Do not confuse SCRUMPY with cider whatever anyone tells you. v. 1. To SCRUMP is to steal fruit from trees. This term is commonly used to refer to boys PINCHING apples (or the like). It is not clear if SCRUMP has any relationship to SCRUMPY. SECATEURS n. 1. Pruning sheers. SECONDARY SCHOOL n. 1. School for 11-16 year olds. One completes his ordinary education at 16 in the UK. Upon completion of this, the child may take a series of tests (called CSEs or O-LEVELS). One may also hear of a COMPREHENSIVE SECONDARY SCHOOL, where the term COMPREHENSIVE only denotes that children of mixed abilities attend the school (e.g. handicapped, ordinary and exceptional children all attend the same school). This form is the norm for STATE SCHOOLS. SECONDMENT (emphasis on the second syllable) n. 1. A temporary change of jobs somewhat like a sabbatical. SELLOTAPE n. 1. Scotch tape. This was originally a brand name. Australians beware: the Australian equivalent word "Durex" should not be used in the UK where DUREX is brand name of a contraceptive device. In Mexico "Durex" is a brand name of a sock manufacturer. (I guess "Durex" is definitely not to be used.) SEMOLINA n. 1. A thick custard similar to cream of wheat. This is a common dessert in school cafeterias. SERVIETTE n. 1. Napkin, usually made of paper. You may be greeted with some raised eyebrows if you ask for a napkin in a British restaurant. They may understand you to mean a SANITARY TOWEL or a NAPPY. SHAGGED OUT adj. 1. Tired out, WHACKED or KNACKERED. Generally this is not polite as it most often implies being KNACKERED due to heavy sexual exertion. If you are SHAGGED OUT, people need not ask why. SHANDY n. 1. A drink composed of equal parts of BITTER and LEMONADE (called LEMONADE SHANDY) or BITTER and GINGER BEER (called GINGER BEER SHANDY). Both are available as nonalcoholic canned drinks for children. (Non-alcoholic has legal meaning of under two percent by volume). SHANKS PONY phrase. 1. By foot, as in, "Without PETROL for me car, I had to get there by SHANKS PONY".

43

[email protected]

SHARP adj. 1. Of suspicious origin. Shady. Underhanded. A "SHARP car" is not one you should buy. The term "card SHARP" is also used. The term is often used to describe a practice which, although legal, is probably immoral. One such SHARP practice involved a SOLICITOR who both sold a house and did the legal paperwork for the buyers. He wrote into the contract a clause allowing him to buy the property back in the future for the original amount! Legal - perhaps, but definitely a SHARP lawyer! SHILLING n. 1. Five PENCE. SHOOTING BRAKE n. 1. Station wagon. SHOOTING STICK n. 1. A walking stick which folds out into a seat. SHORTS n. 1. Any pair of shorts which may vary in length from short (as in tennis shorts) to long (as in bermuda shorts). SHOUT n. 1. Round, as in, "What 'you having? All right, MATE, it's my SHOUT". SICK AS A PARROT phrase. 1. Very displeased. This is the exact opposite of OVER THE MOON. SIDEBOARDS n. 1. Sideburns. 2. A piece of furniture often found in the dining room where the good dishes are kept. SIDESMAN n. 1. An usher at a church. SILENCER n. 1. Car muffler. SILLY BILLY n. 1. A foolish person, as in, "Don't be a SILLY BILLY, join a car pool". SILVERSIDE n. 1. Corned beef as from a New York deli. SINDY n. 1. A Barbie-like doll sold in the United Kingdom. As with her American counterpart, one may purchase SINDY clothes which cost almost as much as their real versions. SISTER n. 1. A nurse equivalent to an R.N. There is no connotation of religious affiliation in the British term. A MATRON is a charge or head nurse who has management responsibilities in addition to nursing duties. SIXES n. 1. Home run, as in, "Go for SIXES" as used by Field Marshall Montgomery in inspirational addresses to his troops on the eve of battle. The term comes from CRICKET. SIXTH FORM COLLEGE (sikth form college - the "th" seems to be optional) n. 1. A school for 16-18 year olds who have completed SECONDARY SCHOOL and are studying for their A-LEVELS. SKIRTING BOARD n. 1. Baseboard. SKITTLES n. 1. A game similar to bowling played when one of the pins is lost leaving you with only nine pins. SKIVE v. 1. To avoid work. "To SKIVE OFF" is to take a day off work. A school boy who regularly skips school might be called a SKIVER. SKIVVY v. 1. To do menial tasks, as in, "You don't expect me to SKIVVY for you, do you?". It may also be used as a noun to refer to one who does menial tasks (e.g. a kind of maid). SLANG v. 1. To hurl insults at someone, as in "a SLANGING match".

44

[email protected]

SLATE v. 1. To denigrate. A politician might be SLATED if the newspaper headlines read "MP suspected in homosexual scandal." SLATE never means slate (a list of people, as in a slate of candidates). n. 1. Credit to buy something, as in: .in +5 PUBLICAN: "That'll be two QUID" Customer: "Put it on the SLATE" PUBLICAN: "How'd you like a BUNCH OF FIVES, MATE?" .in -5 SLIDE n. 1. A hair barrette. SLIPPER n. 1. A conventional slipper (as worn on your feet) used as a whipping instrument with which a girl's school HEAD MISTRESS administers corporal punishment to an unruly student. The CANE or BIRCH was more often used in boy's schools. SLOG n. 1. Hard work, as in, "Configuring any NCP is a SLOG". v. 1. To work hard, as in, "They SLOGGED up the hill with 50 pound rucksacks. 2. To hit hard, especially at CRICKET, as in, "Don't just stand there, SLOG the ball". Speculation: Is this the origin of the term "baseball slugger"? SMACK n. 1. A quick slap to the hand, legs or buttocks. British parents do not spank their children, but rather SMACK them. The standard British parental threat is "If you (don't) ...., I'll SMACK you". SMARMY adj. 1. Offensively suave and smug. A used car salesman might be said to be SMARMY. SMARTIES n. 1. M and M's of more than one color. SNOTTYLITTLEUPPERCLASSTWIT (This must be said very fast and all run together) n. 1. Term used for a PUBLIC SCHOOL boy who NICKED a light from your bicycle. SNUG n. 1. A tiny private area where one may be alone. Schools often have a SNUG for small children to retreat into for quite reading periods. Also a small room in a pub that used to be reserved for women and occasionally still is - the bar would have a small opening or window into the SNUG to serve the ladies drinks. SOLICITOR n. 1. Your basic everyday lawyer who handles most any kind of legal service like contracts, wills and represents you in lower courts. However, if you get in serious trouble, you will need a BARRISTER. SORBET (sor-bay) n. 1. Sherbet ice cream, also known as a WATER ICE. SOVEREIGN n. 1. A solid gold coin with the supposed face value of one POUND, i.e. legal tender for one POUND. In reality this was worth about fifty POUNDS. This coin has been used to pay wages as a way to avoid tax. (It didn't work.) There was also a HALF-SOVEREIGN. SPANNER n. 1. Open ended wrench. SPANNER IN THE WORKS phrase. 1. To mess something up as in, "We'll do exactly what management asked, that should put a SPANNER IN THE WORKS'. SPARKS n. 1. An electrician. SPLASH n. 1. A small stream which would likely not have a bridge, but people would simple drive through (i.e. splash through). As in, "Wilson's B&B is on the corner after the SPLASH."

45

[email protected]

SPEND A PENNY phrase. 1. To go to the toilet. The phrase has its origins in the days when most toilet stalls in the LOO had locks which would only open after a penny had been inserted. As in this graffiti, Here I sit broken hearted, Paid a penny and only farted. or Definition of torture: Standing outside a LOO with a bent penny. SPIV n. 1. A flashy dresser. The term was originally a person who sold stolen or black market goods in war time. Presumably a SPIV was conspicuous because he was so much better dressed than others. A used car salesman is a modern example of a SPIV. SPORT n. 1. The British term for athletics, as in, "I suppose you men are all talking about SPORT". SPOT ON adv. 1. Accurately. During the invasion of the Falklands by the Argentinian army, the governor's house came under intense fire. After the surrender, governor Hunt went to his daughter's bedroom to rescue a print of a Picasso nude. There was a bullet-hole drilled in her bottom. "SPOT ON," said Hunt. SQUASH n. 1. A popular game which somewhat resembles racket ball. 2. A concentrate which when diluted serves as a sweet drink for children. This term is never confused by the British, since their children do not play with what they drink. STANDING ACCOUNT n. 1. Savings account. This is a term used by English bankers to confuse Americans. Also known as a DEPOSIT ACCOUNT. STANDING OUT LIKE CHAPEL HATPEGS phrase. 1. Bug-eyed in amazement. 2. May also refer to prominent nipples (thereby explaining 1.). STICKING PLASTER n. 1. Band Aid. STATE SCHOOL n. 1. Public school. Also known as a MAINTAINED SCHOOL (as opposed to a school that is not maintained, I guess). Actually MAINTAINED refers to a school that is financed by the public authorities but is not owned or managed by them. The reasons are partly historical. For instance numerous free schools, originally for children aged 5-12, were set up as a public service by the Church of England in the 19th century. When school attendance became compulsory in the late 19th century the public authorities had to build and staff additional schools, but there was no need to close existing schools which were able to continue under their existing ownership and management, but with the benefit of financial support from public funds. Financial support naturally depends on the school meeting the required educational standards and other criteria such as free admission. From the point of view of children and parents a MAINTAINED SCHOOL is very little different from a STATE SCHOOL. STICKY TAPE n. 1. Scotch tape. SELLOTAPE. STICKY WICKET phrase. 1. A difficult situation. This phrase originates in the game of CRICKET. Jargon peculiar to games would normally not be included in the dictionary, however, STICKY WICKET is very commonly used. As in this quote of a BBC correspondent about the attack on Goose Green in the Falkland Islands, "The machine gun nest had us covered. It really was a STICKY WICKET." To understand the derivation of this phrase, one must know a bit about the game. A pitcher (BOWLER) throws the CRICKET ball towards the batter (BATSMAN) who will attempt to strike the ball, thereby preventing the ball from hitting three sticks (WICKETS) behind him. The BOWL is not thrown entirely in the air (as in baseball), but is bounced in front of the batter. The part of the playing field is also known as the WICKET. After a rain, the WICKET may be rather soft (STICKY) and this may make the ball do very peculiar things. Playing on a STICKY WICKET then, puts the BATSMAN in a very difficult situation.

46

[email protected]

STODGY adj. 1. When said of food, heavy or very filling. 2. Dull or slow. STONE n. 1. Fourteen pounds weight. STOUT n. 1. Name for a type of Irish beer which is black in color, as in "Guinness STOUT". STRAIGHT AWAY adv. 1. Immediately, right away. As in, "He started working on the problem STRAIGHT AWAY." STUFFED adj. 1. Describing when unpleasant things are poked into private parts of one's anatomy. Exclaiming after a meal, "I'm STUFFED" would likely raise muffled snickers. SUBWAY n. 1. An walkway under a street. Do not expect to use the London UNDERGROUND (called the TUBE) at a SUBWAY. SULTANAS n. 1. Yellow raisins, rather than the usual brown ones common in the USA. SURGERY n. 1. Doctor's office, as in, "You'd better see a doctor about that. I'll take you to SURGERY." Note that "the" in this example was omitted. "The" is often omitted in many such phrases. There seems to be no discernible rule when "thes" may be dropped. 2. Period during which a doctor's office is open to patients. This usage may also be used for periods that politicians might set aside to discuss problems with their constituents. A politician might announce that he would hold a SURGERY from 10-11AM. THE SURGERY is a place, whereas SURGERY is more of a "get-together". "I'm going to THE SURGERY" might mean no more than "I'm going to the building in which the local doctor carries on his medical activities" and implies nothing about my reason for going there. Whereas "I'm going to SURGERY" definitely means I am going to that building in order to seek medical help and I'm going at a time of day when a doctor is on duty and is available to minister to patients. This is also true with hospitals, schools and lunches. "I am going to THE HOSPITAL tomorrow. The administrator says their central heating system is giving trouble and they want my advice about renewing it." Alternatively "I am going to HOSPITAL tomorrow - they will operate on me the following day and I hope to be home by the end of the week." In general, the inclusion of THE emphasises the identification of a particular place or event, and limits the meaning of the word to the place or event concerned. Dropping the THE removes the emphasis from the place or event and focuses it on the activity. Just so as not to be too consistent, Brits would always say THE THEATRE, meaning the activity as well as the place. SURNAME n. 1. Your last name. Strictly speaking this word is also an American word, but I have included it because the phrase "last name" is never found in the U.K. Whenever a British person wishes to know your name, he will invariably say "What's your SURNAME?" (and I almost never get it correct the first time!). SUSS OUT v. 1. To figure something out, to investigate. As in, "to SUSS OUT the competition". SUSPENDERS n. 1. Used by women to hold up nylon stockings. This is definitely not something used by a male. Garters used by men to hold up their socks are called SOCK HANGERS or perhaps SOCK SUSPENDERS. SWEDE n. 1. Rutabaga. SWINGS AND ROUNDABOUTS phrase. 1. Its all the same. The full expression is "What you gain on the SWINGS, you lose on the ROUNDABOUTS". SWOT v. 1. To cram, as in, "to SWOT UP for an exam".

47

[email protected]

-TTA n. 1. Short for thanks TABLOID n. 1. A term used to describe several of the national newspapers, specifically THE SUN, THE DAILY STAR, THE DAILY MIRROR, THE DAILY EXPRESS, THE MORNING STAR (the socialist paper) and THE DAILY MAIL. A TABLOID'S page is small (being approximately one-half the page size of a standard newspaper). They are characterised by outlandish, sensationalist headlines at the slightest whim of news. The TABLOIDS were especially active during the Falklands crisis (although real news is not a prerequisite for a TABLOID). The TABLOIDS are very popular and competition is fierce among them for readers. THE SUN and the DAILY STAR sport a bare breasted BIRD to keep the readers attention (should the reader get bored with the shallow amount of information in the rest of the paper). The DAILY MAIL has been distancing itself (in respectability) from the other TABLOIDS and more closely approximates a newspaper. See also PAGE THREE and FLEETSTREET.

The Times:
Read by the people who run the country.

Daily Mirror:
Read by the people who think they run the country.

Guardian:
Read by the people who think they ought to run the country.

Morning Star:
Read by the people who think the country ought to be run by another country.

Daily Mail:
Read by the wives of the people who own the country.

Financial Times:
Read by the people who own the country.

Daily Express:
Read by the people who think that the country ought to be run as it used to be.

Daily Telegraph:
Read by the people who think it still is.

The Sun:
Their readers don't care who runs the country as long as she has big tits. TAKES THE BISCUIT phrase. 1. Equivalent to "That beats everything". TANNER n. 1. Obsolete term for six old PENCE.

48

[email protected]

TANNOY n. 1. A public address system, from Tannoy, a British loudspeaker manufacturer. v. 1. To page on a public address system, as in, "You ought to 'ave 'im TANNOYED." (To which one pundit thought, "He should've been here, but his crime wasn't so heinous that he should be TANNOYED!") TARMAC n. 1. Blacktop. The word is derived from an 18th century engineer and road builder by the name of John Macadam. TART v. 1. To "spruce up", make improvements to, as in, "We just tarted up the place a bit." TEA n. 1. A very common hot beverage found in the UK. It is usually served with a generous portion of milk to mask the flavor of the TEA. 2. A light meal in the late afternoon at which one drinks TEA or coffee, but not wine or spirits. A meal held later in the evening (e.g. 8 p.m.) is definitely not TEA, regardless of what you drink or how light the meal may be. There is a class connotation attached to this word. The working class tend to call the evening meal TEA, while the middle class call it 'dinner'. The meal taken around midday is called 'lunch' by the middle classes and 'dinner' by the working class. TEACAKE n. 1. A kind of sweetened bread with raisins, often served toasted. There are lots of CAKES like this: BATH BUNS, CHELSEA BUNS and ECCLES CAKES. Breads come in many varieties also, such as: BAPS, BRIDGE ROLLS, FINGER ROLLS and COTTAGE LOAF. TEA TOWEL n. 1. Dish towel. TEE SHIRT n. 1. Short sleeved sports shirt. TELLY n. 1. A television, not a telephone. TERRACE HOUSE n. 1. Row house. Town house. THEATRE n. 1. An establishment where one may see plays, ballet etc. This is most certainly not a place to see movies. THE CITY n. 1. London's equivalent to Wall Street. When visiting London avoid routes signposted to THE CITY unless you are trying to get lost. THREE PENCE (thrup-pen-ss) n. 1. An obsolete coin worth three old PENCE. TICK MARK n. 1. A small mark made by a teacher along side every correct answer. If your children come home with TICK MARKS all over their papers, its good. Its the X's (crosses) you need to be concerned about. TIGHTS n. 1. Hosiery, nylons or even tights. TIMBER YARD n. 1. Lumber yard. TIME GENTLEMEN PLEASE phrase. 1. Standard request for customers to leave drink up and leave the PUB. Anyone serving or buying a drink after TIME is breaking the law. In liberated PUBS you may hear "TIME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PLEASE". TIN n. 1. Can, as in "a TIN of fruit". 2. Pan, as in "a cake TIN". TIP adj. 1. Mess, as in, "The room was all in a TIP". n. 1. Dump, as in a "rubbish TIP".

49

[email protected]

TIPPER LORRY n. 1. Dump truck. TIPPLE v. 1. To drink, often accompanied with a motion of the wrist to suggest its meaning, as in, "What's your TIPPLE ?". TISSUE n. 1. Kleenex. TOAD IN THE HOLE n. 1. Sausages in YORKSHIRE PUDDING. TOGGED UP/OUT v. 1. To be all dressed up, as in, "He was TOGGED OUT in top hat and tails". TOGS n. 1. Clothes, as in SWIMMING TOGS. TOMATO SAUCE (toe-mah-toe sah-ss) n. 1. Ketchup. TOMBOLA (tom-bole-ah) n. 1. A raffle as might be found at a FETE. TOMMY BAR n. 1. Crow bar. A straight bar used to lever something. TON n. 1. Twenty HUNDREDWEIGHT (2240 pounds). 2. One hundred. Often 100 mph or 100 POUNDS sterling. Road signs reading "MAX 10 TONS" are however weight limits, not speed limits. To the passive American driver who is accustomed to 55 mph, it seems that the speed limit really is 10 TONS. TONSILITIS n. 1. Strep throat. TORCH n. 1. Flash light. TOTTER n. 1. A refuse collector who picks over collected rubbish for anything which is salable. A now almost extinct version of a TOTTER is a RAG AND BONE MAN. He usually drives a horse and cart and collects household items. Often he would give the children a goldfish or balloon in return for items they would bring to him. TOTTING UP v. 1. To add up. TRAFFICATORS n. 1. Directional signals. The term was actually used to describe small "arms" on the outside of a vehicle which would flip out indicating the direction one wished to turn. This term has fallen into disuse since the British car industry has modernized. TRAMP n. 1. A vagrant. 2. A hooker. TRANSPORT CAFE (trans-port caff) n. 1. Truck stop. TREACLE n. 1. A molasses-like sweet syrup. If this is very dark it is known as BLACK TREACLE. Light colored syrup is known as GOLDEN SYRUP. TREETS n. 1. M and M's which are all the same color. TRENDY adj. 1. Fashionable, with perhaps a somewhat derogatory connotation. Only people who aren't TRENDY, would use the term. TRIFLE (try-fle) n. 1. A layered dessert of custard, jello, sherry, fruit and sponge cake. TROLLEY n. 1. Cart, as in a shopping cart or TEA TROLLEY. TROUSERS n. 1. Pants.

50

[email protected]

TUBE n. 1. The London subway system. TURNING n. 1. Turn (when giving directions) as in, "Its the third TURNING on the right". TURN-UPS n. 1. Pant cuffs. TWEE adj. 1. Prissey, as in, a "TWEE hat" or "TWEE joke". TWO PENCE (tup-pen-ss) n. 1. Not a coin worth two old PENCE, but simply a term for two PENCE.

51

[email protected]

-UUNDERGROUND n. 1. Subway. UNDERTAKE v. 1. Pass on the left. This is illegal in the UK except when passing a car that is turning right. The normal meaning of this is a mortician. UK bumper sticker: "OVERTAKERS to the right. UNDERTAKERS to the left." See OVERTAKE. UP/DOWN MARKET phrase. 1. Of a higher or lower economic status. As in, "The new 3.5 Rover from British Leyland is definitely UP MARKET".

52

[email protected]

-VVACANT adj. 1. The state a lavatory is in when it's not ENGAGED. Curiously this is not used of telephones. VERGER n. 1. Sober guardians, usually dressed in black, found in many churches. Their principle purpose seems to be to remind tourists to remove their hats in church. VERGES n. 1. Shoulder of a road as in, "SOFT VERGES". VEST n. 1. A tee shirt. Undershirt. VOLLEY n. 1. A term used in tennis or squash meaning to strike the ball with your racket without allowing it to bounce on the ground. The also leads to the term HALF-VOLLEY which occurs when you do not properly VOLLEY the ball, but rather strike it on the short hop. V-SIGN n. 1. Clenched fist with the index and first finger raised to form a V shape (meaning "victory"). 2. Clenched fist with the index and first finger raised to form a V shape (being a rude insult to the audience). These two forms are distinguished by the direction of the knuckles: knuckles toward audience being an insult (2) and knuckles toward the gesticulator meaning victory (1). Winston Churchill was much given to getting these confused. Use of form (2) to indicate the number two may result in unexpected GBH.

53

[email protected]

-WWAIST COAT n. 1. Vest. WALLY n. 1. An idiot. Someone who is so dumb, he doesn't even know he is dumb. WANK v. 1. To masturbate. WASH UP v. 1. To wash pots, pans, knives, forks etc. It does not mean to wash hands and face. WASTE BIN n. 1. Waste paper basket. WAY OUT n. 1. Exit. This phrase will be found in place of "exit" signs in buildings in the United Kingdom. WELLIES n. 1. WELLINGTONS. Rubber boots. The Duke of Wellington invented rubber boots, hence the name. WHACKED adj. 1. Tired. Exhausted. As in, "Went to a party on Saturday and I'm still WHACKED". WHISKY n. 1. Unless otherwise specified, this means Scotch whisky. See WHISKEY. WHISKEY n. 1. Irish whiskey. Since the pronunciation is identical to WHISKY, it's safer to ask for IRISH WHISKEY if that is what you want. The word WHISKEY has its origins in the Gaelic (Irish) word UISCE BEATHA (ish-ka bah-ah) which means "water of life". WIDEBOY n. 1. Shady operator. SPIV. WILLIE n. 1. School boy's term for a penis. WINDSCREEN n. 1. Car windshield. WING n. 1. Fender of a car. WINKERS n. 1. Directional signals (as on a car). Since one blinks with two eyes and winks with one eye, directional signals should be WINKERS and not blinkers. WITH THE GREATEST RESPECT phrase. 1. Phrase used when discussing matters with your superiors. The phrase is emphasized when you have no respect for the person you are speaking to. This is a safe way of saying he doesn't have any idea what he is talking about. WOOD LICE n. 1. Potato bugs.

54

[email protected]

-YYORKSHIRE PUDDING n. 1. Not a dessert but a kind of baked batter mix usually eaten with roast beef. YOU LOT n. 1. You. This phrase is used exactly as y'all is used in the South. As in, "If YOU LOT think I'm going to wait till you come back from the PUB, you're DAFT."

55

[email protected]

-ZZEBRA CROSSING (zeb-rah not zee-bra) n. 1. One of several types of pedestrian crossings, so named because of the distinctive black and white stripes which mark the road where the pedestrian is to cross. ZEBRA CROSSINGS are important because pedestrians have the right of way at all times -- one foot on the crossing is enough to stop approaching vehicles (PIGS MIGHT FLY too!). Apart from being highly illegal, running down pedestrians on ZEBRA CROSSINGS is considered NOT CRICKET. A ZEBRA CROSSING can be distinguished from other pedestrian crossings by means of the BELISHA BEACONS at each end. . Note: Although you are required to stop if you are about to hit a pedestrian on this type of crossing, other drivers may not stop if you are the pedestrian. If you are run down by a passing motorist, be sure to check his accent; if this reveals a PUBLIC SCHOOL education then prosecution is unlikely to be successful against the motorist (you may of course be sued for 'contributory negligence' or some such). ZED n. 1. The letter "Z". ZED BED n. 1. A type of fold away bed. ZED BEND n. 1. A double bend in the road (similar to an S-curve). After driving the narrow winding roads of England (especially in the South West), an American would feel that the ZED BEND is a particularly appropriate term to use. Roads that only "S" curve are considered to be minor variations of a straight road. A ZED BEND actually does resemble the shape of the letter "Z".

This book was collected and printed through the internet, I just introduced it! For more information send me an email at: [email protected] Copyright © 2009 by Mr. Doody. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission from Mr. Doody.

56

[email protected]