where is the i?
Content
Let's take an example and see if there is a "I" really :) Statutory Warning: All the "I"'s in this post are merely mithya and have no real resemblance to anything Real ;) I am seated in meditation and I hear from outside "This is a wonderful movie" . So at first I hear this as simple perception. Then the next thoughts: "they are watching a movie"; "I miss it";"it is a wonderful movie thye say"; "what could it be?" ; "could it be my fav. movie?" ; "oh! that movie i always missed"; "CD is also not available"; "but i should not get up from meditation" ... Please see the stream of thoughts carefully. This is a very subtle analysis. The first perception is pure perception... its called idam vritti, this thought. The next few thoughts have an "I" in them ... they are called aham vrittis or "I" thoughts. What is happening here? Clearly an aham vritti is not me. Coz, i outlive it. thought comes and dies that very moment. This is what happens. Please observe this carefully and i am sure it will really work wonders during the actual attempt to do self inquiry. so, aham vritti cannot be me. For example when t he thought "I miss this movie " arises, is there any such "I" apart from the thought? IF there was such an "I" apart from the thought, then the experience of that "I" should have been in the absence of the thought also. Since there is no such "I", we need the thought "I miss this movie" to really miss the movie! Now, that thought arises and passes away! What remains before and after that ? Awareness ! and Awareness does not have any of this "missing" :). And then the next thought "I want to see this movie" arises. How is this thought getting connected with the previous thought? :) Lets take two consecutive "I" thoughts: "I like that movie" ; "i miss it now" ... is the "I" of the first thought same as the "I" of the second thought? They are parts of two different "I" thoughts. they have no commonality. Please see this. The first "I" and the second "I" are not same persons. they are two different entities. two different thoughts. its like a movie. a series of fast moving static pictures create the illusion of a movie. the first static picture and the second static picture are different. but mind does not see the gap. BTW, i am not suggesting that we should start watching gaps. that’s a good practise, but that’s not the point here. The point here is that there is really no continuous entity between
these "I" thoughts ... there are only sparks of "I" thoughts that come and die... but like a movie ... they create the illusion of a continuous entity called "I". the awareness which is uniform basis of all thoughts is continuous and its continuity is superimposed on the "I"'s which are disjoint. there is really no entity called "I" !! There is only awareness within and a few "I" thoughts happening like sparks and dying there and then. there is no continuity between them. Do we see this carefully ? Its really a mistery that momentary thoughts are able to create trouble. The lifespan of a thought is a moment! A series of such momentary thoughts create a feeling that there is a continuous "I" thats getting affected by the events !! Where is an "I" thats affected by the perceptions ? There is nothing like that. Only a few "I" thoughts which arise and pass away. The Sense of "I" is only a illusion created by a series of fast moving "I" thoughts. On a static movie scree a lot of still photos are projected -and when they are projected at a fast enough pace, it appears as if there is a movie! Really speaking the continuity of the screen is "superimposed" on the thoughts ! The thoughts are momentary, they pass away. This is what is meant by saying that its a maya! How strange, momentary thoughts are able to create a web called samsara for us !! Self inquiry breaks this illusion. Self inquiry is merely to break this sense of continuity. What one is expected to do is not ask "who am i" and wait for an answer ... but to simply shift attention towards the "Awareness" which is like the screen of the movie of these "I" thoughts and remain there. so one remains as awareness seeing that there is really no "I" ... only static and disjoint "I" thoughts occurring like sparks. every time an "I" thought arises, it has the tendency to build the train of thoughts and create the illusion of a continuous "I" entity. So, Self inquiry simply breaks this ... by shifting attention away from that thought and remaining as Awareness. We shift attention to the subject of the "I" thought. That is Self inquiry. The moment attention is shifted to the subject, the "I" thought continuity is destroyed. what this does is breaks the tendency to create a train of thoughts ... and breaks the possibility of the creation of an "I" notion... which is anyway an illusion as seen from above analysis. thus one remains as awareness or with the sense of "I AM" which is the "I" of the "I", i.e., the Subject of the "i" thought ... or the Awareness. This is Self inquiry ... to remain without an "I" notion within... that means: there is awareness within, which is pure witness and there is this physical body which is jada and has no knowing of its
own ... and there is no "I" within to fight with happenings etc. There is really no "I", Awareness within and jada body outside thats all an a series of momentary "I" thoughts arising! Knowing this and being thus, there remains none to react to a happening. What IS, simply IS.
these "I" thoughts ... there are only sparks of "I" thoughts that come and die... but like a movie ... they create the illusion of a continuous entity called "I". the awareness which is uniform basis of all thoughts is continuous and its continuity is superimposed on the "I"'s which are disjoint. there is really no entity called "I" !! There is only awareness within and a few "I" thoughts happening like sparks and dying there and then. there is no continuity between them. Do we see this carefully ? Its really a mistery that momentary thoughts are able to create trouble. The lifespan of a thought is a moment! A series of such momentary thoughts create a feeling that there is a continuous "I" thats getting affected by the events !! Where is an "I" thats affected by the perceptions ? There is nothing like that. Only a few "I" thoughts which arise and pass away. The Sense of "I" is only a illusion created by a series of fast moving "I" thoughts. On a static movie scree a lot of still photos are projected -and when they are projected at a fast enough pace, it appears as if there is a movie! Really speaking the continuity of the screen is "superimposed" on the thoughts ! The thoughts are momentary, they pass away. This is what is meant by saying that its a maya! How strange, momentary thoughts are able to create a web called samsara for us !! Self inquiry breaks this illusion. Self inquiry is merely to break this sense of continuity. What one is expected to do is not ask "who am i" and wait for an answer ... but to simply shift attention towards the "Awareness" which is like the screen of the movie of these "I" thoughts and remain there. so one remains as awareness seeing that there is really no "I" ... only static and disjoint "I" thoughts occurring like sparks. every time an "I" thought arises, it has the tendency to build the train of thoughts and create the illusion of a continuous "I" entity. So, Self inquiry simply breaks this ... by shifting attention away from that thought and remaining as Awareness. We shift attention to the subject of the "I" thought. That is Self inquiry. The moment attention is shifted to the subject, the "I" thought continuity is destroyed. what this does is breaks the tendency to create a train of thoughts ... and breaks the possibility of the creation of an "I" notion... which is anyway an illusion as seen from above analysis. thus one remains as awareness or with the sense of "I AM" which is the "I" of the "I", i.e., the Subject of the "i" thought ... or the Awareness. This is Self inquiry ... to remain without an "I" notion within... that means: there is awareness within, which is pure witness and there is this physical body which is jada and has no knowing of its
own ... and there is no "I" within to fight with happenings etc. There is really no "I", Awareness within and jada body outside thats all an a series of momentary "I" thoughts arising! Knowing this and being thus, there remains none to react to a happening. What IS, simply IS.
